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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

Life is just a sequence of missed opportunities.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Don’t ever let your computer feel that you’re in a hurry, cause they’re gonna slow down more.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

Unfortunately for the haters, I will continue to keep being me.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

My employer is totally caring. They pay so poorly that I can’t afford to have an alcohol or drug problem.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

The shower is the only one who gets turned on when I’m naked.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

User: the word computer professionals use when they mean ‘idiot.’

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

If history repeats itself, I’m getting a pet dinosaur.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

Washing machine minutes are not the same as regular minutes.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Am I just an Untitled Document to you?

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

I think it’s very sexy of me to still move with love in a world like this.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,418

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Snapchat:

You’re not lazy, you’re just buffering in HD.

Seen just now on Threads:

Movies in the 80s had me convinced that a main part of being a grown-up was staying late at the office and eating Chinese takeout.

Spotted on Threads:

Quitting my job to focus on staying inside.

Just landed via Threads:

One of my greatest strengths is appearing busy so people don’t try to speak to me.

Spotted on Reddit:

New term for people with jobs: emploids.

Trending via Pinterest:

Why is it called the Super Bowl if no one is bowling?

Going bananas on Pinterest:

I don’t wanna brag, but my posts are unpopular on all continents.

Going bananas on Discord:

Shoutout to drug dealers for teaching the metric system to Americans.

Shared recently on X:

Even Hotmail is hotter than me.

Making waves on Reddit:

Does everyone’s inner monologue have a laugh track?

If you think Dry January is hard, wait until you try Abstinence August.

3 weeks ago

Witty quote about resisting sobriety challenges, highlighting humor in monthly temptations.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Abstinence August? Sounds like my calendar needs a vacation 🚫🍹🤦‍♂️

abstinence, Abstinence August, August, challenge, drinking, dry, Dry January, hard, humor, January, joke, month, sobriety, think, try, wait

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

74 shares on Pinterest this month:

It took me 5 minutes to do something I’ve been stressing about for 6 months. I will learn nothing from this.

53 shares on X this month:

Sure, money can’t buy happiness, but it can definitely buy a jet ski… and have you ever seen a sad person on a jet ski?

56 shares on Telegram this month:

Does anyone know what to do, like in general?

31 shares on Messenger this month:

I haven’t lost my virginity because I never lose.

61 shares on WeChat this month:

If we start flirting now, we could be in matching pajamas on a Christmas card before the holidays.

41 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Just had a fight with every item in my closet. They started it.

49 shares on Pinterest this month:

Nobody stresses a woman out more than a man who isn’t her man yet.

84 shares on Reddit this month:

If a demon ever possessed me, I’d just sit back and say, “Your problem now.”

28 shares on Facebook this month:

Establish dominance by eating a salad in front of your indoor plants.

97 shares on Instagram this month:

If you don’t fall in love with me, I’ll write poetry about you and then you’ll regret it.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Putting my Christmas tree up today. Big day for my cats.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

The Bachelor is like “Meet Savannah from Brooklyn, Madison from Savannah, Brooklyn from Madison”

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

Zelda was easier as a kid because if you hit a hard puzzle, you could just wait a few days for more brain matter to come in, but now it’s the opposite.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

Coffee is better when you have no work.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying works.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

“Made with love,” means I licked the spoon and kept using it.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

Maybe the reason Miss Piggy is still single is she has a fear of kermitment.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

The only thing worse than a nightmare is waking up from a great dream before you get to see how it ends.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

Instead of writing LOL, I’m going to start writing SALTS (smiled a little, then stopped). It’s more accurate.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

Men don’t eject their eyes from their sockets and yell awooga anymore.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Waking up has backfired on me so many times.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Christmas is coming and you’re not.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Nobody should be blowing up Teslas. If you just wait a bit, they’ll probably do it by themselves.

Going viral on WeChat:

My life coach traded me.

Just shared via Discord:

By the time I meet the right person, I’ll probably be the wrong person.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

As it turns out, the only way to avoid work stress is not going.

Just landed via Threads:

Please don’t take illegal substances. Or at least, don’t take MY illegal substances.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I’m officially at the age where going out on the weekend just means I’m running errands.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Don’t wait for later to eat the cake. Do it now, before another mammal of your household finds it.

Shared recently on Reddit:

When I say I’m saving myself for marriage, what I mean is you won’t know how annoying I am until it’s too late.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If you think Dry January is hard, wait until you try Abstinence August.

And then one day, life was like… hold my beer.

Nurse: “This may hurt.” Me: “My life hasn’t been much fun either.”

A new year resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

I’m attracted to people that no one pays attention to.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If you think Dry January is hard, wait until you try Abstinence August.

Keep the laugh going 😂

And then one day, life was like… hold my beer.

I’m a good listener. If you’re interesting.

I’m at the age where, if you ask me to go out after 9 p.m., I’m definitely not coming.

Nurse: “This may hurt.” Me: “My life hasn’t been much fun either.”

A new year resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

I’m attracted to people that no one pays attention to.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨