Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

Coffee tastes so much better handed to me.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Vaping always looked dumb. It looks like you’re smoking a kazoo, and now the lead poisoning is the cherry on top.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

Fries, not lies.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Having no one to talk would get you a good sleeping schedule.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

We just accepted air fryers and never once questioned how air fries things.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

Sorry for my bad behavior. Mercury is in gatorade or whatever.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

Can we take a moment to celebrate the little ride we get in the pneumatic chair at the hair salon or barber when they pump it up or down?

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

Pirate: walks the plank. Someone’s dad: Is this teak?

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

I once made the irresponsible decision to drink and drive and now I have to live the rest of my days with a coffee stain on my favorite sweater.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,666

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Discord:

My mom always used to tell me that I look cute when I sleep. My boss has a different opinion.

Live now on Pinterest:

I lost my appetite for doing work. If you find it, you can keep it.

Seen just now on X:

My immune system told me it’s a lover not a fighter.

Just landed via Reddit:

And are the people who find you “hilarious” in the room with us now?

Trending via Telegram:

Only DM me if you like disappointment.

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here pumping gas until the dollar amount ends with 0.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Trying to top up both my gas tank and my OCD meter at the same time! ⛽️😂 #PumpPerfection

amount, attitude, cash, confidence, dollar, gas, gas station, here, humor, humor quote, imagine, just, me, money, over, sarcasm, station, witty

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Don’t be boring. Create the gossip you would like to hear.

0

4 days ago

advice, boring, create, creativity, fun, gossip, hear, humor, personality, social
I’ve been called a lot of things in my life, but nothing worse than being called on the phone.

0

2 months ago

being, call, called, communication, humor, joke, life, lot, nothing, phone, sarcasm, things, worse
The collective noun for a group of reply guys is an audacity.

0

2 months ago

audacity, behavior, collective, culture, group, guy, guys, humor, internet, internet culture, media, noun, online, online behavior, reply, reply guy, sarcastic, social, social media
I highly recommend having hobbies, it distracts you from falling in love unnecessarily.

0

4 months ago

distraction, falling, having, hobby, humor, i, love, recommend, relationship
Washing your face and water going down your elbow is so sickening.

0

2 months ago

daily, daily routine, elbow, face, going, humor, hygiene, relatable, routine, sickening, washing, washing face, water
True bravery is getting a text from a woman with three questions in it, and only responding to one.

0

2 months ago

bravery, communication, dating, getting, humor, humorist, only, questions, relationship, responding, text, texting, three, true, woman, women

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on Twitch this month:

Losing and then immediately gaining weight is my superpower.

60 shares on WeChat this month:

For a guy supposedly called my “brother,” I’ve never seen him make broth even once.

11 shares on Discord this month:

In the coffee shop, booing everyone who orders decaf.

74 shares on Pinterest this month:

Neurodivergents will be like, ‘I’m so tired,’ and then refuse to sleep because they haven’t had enough me time after surviving the day.

12 shares on Discord this month:

Going ballistic. Anyone need anything?

75 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I wish I was mysterious, but unfortunately I just can’t keep my mouth shut.

78 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“Full-time” should be 20 hours max, man. This is ridiculous. I’ve got other stuff to do.

51 shares on Twitch this month:

Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.

16 shares on Messenger this month:

The global energy crisis could be solved if only we could harness the power of my wife slamming my car door.

21 shares on Facebook this month:

Headless mannequins are great because they let you see how you’ll look wearing a new shirt after you’ve been decapitated.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

Not to brag, but I finished an entire book in one sitting. I’m going to need some new crayons.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

Hannibal Lecter didn’t have to be a serial killer, he was scary enough as a foodie.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

There is nothing worse in life than calling customer service and hearing an Indian accent.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

Dogs are man’s best friend because a dog would never blindside you with a group chat.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

Asked my therapist who their therapist was and went to see them. Asked them the same thing until I got to the final boss therapist and defeated them with my trainwreck of a life.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

Growing up, I didn’t think the expensive addiction that would ruin me would be Heinz ketchup, but here we are.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

My wife is napping quietly and the villain of this story is about to be this sneeze.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

My favorite thing to do at the gym is stay home and eat a piece of cake.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

Facebook should just go back to being Hot or Not dot com.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list that I was making, and now, I can’t read anything.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

Family Guy is so insane because, why were people dating that dog?

Just landed via Messenger:

Saving up ketchup packets in the fridge so I can one day open my own restaurant.

Making waves on Discord:

My daughter’s morning alarm is less to wake her up, and more to warn the rest of us.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

User: the word computer professionals use when they mean ‘idiot.’

Going viral on Facebook:

It’s scary when the washing machine spins really fast.

Making waves on Instagram:

My lawyer dropped his briefcase and nunchuks fell out.

Just landed via Reddit:

There are 400 billion stars in our galaxy and perhaps two trillion galaxies in total, and I just wonder if Miss Universe fully understands her achievement.

Trending via Threads:

My signature move is forgetting someone’s name 2 seconds after they tell me.

Breaking via Pinterest:

All dogs go to heaven, but I never see them in church.

Spotted on YouTube:

My company promotes diversity. We’d never hire twins.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here pumping gas until the dollar amount ends with 0.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Don’t be boring. Create the gossip you would like to hear.

I’ve been called a lot of things in my life, but nothing worse than being called on the phone.

The collective noun for a group of reply guys is an audacity.

I highly recommend having hobbies, it distracts you from falling in love unnecessarily.

Washing your face and water going down your elbow is so sickening.

True bravery is getting a text from a woman with three questions in it, and only responding to one.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨