Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here pumping gas until the dollar amount ends with 0.

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I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.

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Maybe aliens don’t visit us because they’re all women and they want us to make the first move.

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Started from the bottom, now we a little bit above the bottom.

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I wish rage burned calories. I would be so skinny.

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Woke up, twerked in the mirror and laid back down.

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Like, who are those little paper umbrellas trying to protect?

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Mike is short for Micycle.