Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

As a Dad, you always want your kids to be prepared for real life, that’s why trolling them is so vital.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

The problem with believing that nothing matters except you, is that eventually everyone will just leave you alone to take extra special care of yourself.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

It’s not my job to tell people where they’re failing in life. It’s just a hobby.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

I have three kids. I should be terrified of sex.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

Men tell you “I know a place” and bring you to the brink of madness.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Not sure if “life hack” exactly, but I fell down the stairs and now my whole family is being so nice and catering to my needs.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

You know Santa isn’t real because no man over 40 is out past 9PM.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

If you see this, straighten your back, you banana-shaped mess.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

I appreciate the interest, but I’m officially removing myself from the running to be the next James Bond. Thank you for your understanding.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Me, gently telling my kids that I ate the rest of the ice cream: Your dad ate the rest of the ice cream.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,426

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Being an iPad baby must be so exciting. Imagine going from nine dull months in the womb to playing Candy Crush.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I’m an expert at having a really funny story to tell and then wording it so badly that it’s not even funny anymore.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Sometimes I have to turn off the news and put on a true crime documentary, so I can relax.

Going viral on Facebook:

To get my cat to eat, I tell him about all the hungry cats in Catfrica.

Seen just now on YouTube:

One of the top features of squirrels, for me, has got to be that squirreliness.

Trending via Messenger:

I miss them days if you couldn’t rap, you didn’t.

Live now on LinkedIn:

My dating checklist is down to “not the Unabomber”.

Going viral on Threads:

It doesn’t matter how bizarre your situation is. Somebody on Reddit already been there, done that.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Killing me softly with his schlong.

Just landed via Threads:

A little mischievousness is good for the soul.

Imagine having a negative opinion of me, and I have no idea who you are.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
You have a mysterious talent for disliking strangers! 🤔😂👻

attitude, confidence, having, humor, i, idea, imagine, interaction, me, negative, negative opinion, opinion, person, social, social interaction, stranger, unknown, unknown person

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

When I get filthy rich, I will stay humble by continuing to use grocery bags as bathroom trash bags.

0

2 months ago

bag, bags, bathroom, grocery, grocery bag, humble, humor, i, irony, rich, stay, trash, trash bag, wealth
The question I ask myself most often is, “What would a jury think about this?”

0

2 months ago

contemplation, humor, i, jury, legal, myself, question, self-reflection, think
If you don’t like me, remember: it’s mind over matter. I don’t mind, and you don’t matter.

0

3 months ago

attitude, comeback, humor, i, matter, me, mind, over, remember, self-confidence, wit
Dear women, when you’re not around we load the dishwasher properly.

0

2 months ago

around, dishwasher, domestic, domestic life, humor, life, load, properly, relationship, women
If you’re cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and continue to participate in family game night.

0

2 months ago

afterlife, cremation, die, family, game, game night, hourglass, humor, legacy, night, participation, put, togetherness
I’m tired and drank a lot of coffee, so now I’m tired but faster.

0

2 months ago

caffeine, coffee, drank, exhaustion, faster, humor, irony, lot, tired

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

32 shares on Slack this month:

Dating someone from Twitter is like believing a stripper loves you.

79 shares on Snapchat this month:

It’s crazy that things have got to a point where you can say, “Jurassic Park 3 is one of the better movies in the series.”

49 shares on Facebook this month:

I feel like waking up early on the weekend is so disrespectful.

94 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Being a toddler’s favorite person is what real love actually looks like.

70 shares on WhatsApp this month:

No one tells you that the older you get, the more often you check your weather app.

56 shares on Messenger this month:

I probably think this song is about me.

49 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I have had songs stuck in my head and I have had people stuck in my head, I highly recommend songs.

82 shares on Snapchat this month:

Some days you have breakfast for dinner and live life on your own terms.

33 shares on X this month:

I don’t know how to mop my kitchen floor without pretending l’m cleaning up a gruesome crime scene.

100 shares on Instagram this month:

Please don’t use fear to manipulate me. Much more effective to use cake.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

I like to live life dangerously by occasionally sticking my foot out over the edge of the bed at night.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Why do coffee beans smell so good, and coffee breath is like bleh?

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

I’m just trying to have a nice time despite knowing facts and information.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

The first sin in the Bible was eating an apple. The second was murder. That escalated quickly.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

Police officer: please step out of your vehicle. Me: after this song, hold on.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

“Your password is too weak.” OK, well, I created him in my image.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

How silly of me to forget that I am the love of my life.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

The older I get, the more I start to understand the appeal of birdwatching as a hobby. I do find myself watching these little troublemakers quite often.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

I found my first grey pubic hair today, but I didn’t freak out; unlike everyone else in the Zoom meeting.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies. She is not “fun to be around”.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Accidentally clicked a post about UFOs, and now my Facebook algorithm thinks I’m a much different person.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Every time a Taco Bell rings, an angel gets diarrhea.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

To bed then. To bed with you! Guards, take him to my bed!

Just shared via Discord:

That was a nice hour long Twitter scroll. Feel much worse as always. See you guys tomorrow.

Freshly posted on Discord:

It took three employees to help me complete “self-checkout” yesterday.

Shared recently on X:

I’m not “late”, I’m just very creative with my interpretation of “time”.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Being single only sucks when you’re a little drunk and really want to flirt.

Breaking via Snapchat:

When someone giving me directions says, “You can’t miss it,” I would love to tell them just how wrong they were if I could find my way back to them.

Shared recently on Slack:

I love when someone texts “hey,” like I’m supposed to solve the rest.

Making waves on WeChat:

On my way to HR again for nicknaming my coworker “Mastercard” because they take credit for other people’s work.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Imagine having a negative opinion of me, and I have no idea who you are.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

When I get filthy rich, I will stay humble by continuing to use grocery bags as bathroom trash bags.

The question I ask myself most often is, “What would a jury think about this?”

If you don’t like me, remember: it’s mind over matter. I don’t mind, and you don’t matter.

Dear women, when you’re not around we load the dishwasher properly.

If you’re cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and continue to participate in family game night.

I’m tired and drank a lot of coffee, so now I’m tired but faster.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨