Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

Currently accepting DMs from any man with a sturdy bunker on his property.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

I’m convinced a lot of people online are communicating from prison.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

I forgot my password, failed the captcha and have been accused of being a robot. I don’t even know how to fight these allegations.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

If every day is a gift, today is socks.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

Does anyone else feel like their brain has a hundred tabs open at once?

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

I bought a 12 year old whiskey. His parents are furious.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

About 40 muscles are activated when you eat just one donut. Follow me for more fitness advice.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

Nobody warns you of the devastation two days of stuffing will bring upon your digestive system.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

My life is just a series of awkward moments separated by snacks.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,596

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Threads:

I’m not flirting with you. I’m just funny and you think you like me.

Going viral on Messenger:

Whoever said, “Laughter is the best medicine,” clearly never tried Revenge.

Going viral on Messenger:

Accessories can really boost a woman’s self-confidence. For example, I know I would feel 10x sexier if I carried a sword with me at all times.

Going viral on Reddit:

I bet whenever a pilot drives a car there’s a brief moment of panic like “why isn’t it going up?”

Shared recently on Instagram:

Don’t underestimate your white tee and denim jeans.

Just landed via Twitch:

My daughter’s new Bluetooth karaoke mic has suddenly and mysteriously disappeared, and we are all just so, so sad that we can’t find it.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I use a headshot from 2008 on my LinkedIn to prepare future employers for disappointment.

Shared recently on Discord:

It’s curious how kids are always really hungry right before dinner and right after dinner, but never during actual dinner.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Taking the day off to brush up on conspiracy theories and really get this Thanksgiving party started.

Going bananas on Slack:

Sure, money can’t buy happiness, but it can definitely buy a jet ski… and have you ever seen a sad person on a jet ski?

In a packed elevator, everyone is silent. Stomach: I will now demonstrate the mating call of a whale.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When your stomach decides it's an opera singer and the elevator is the stage! 🎶🐋🤫

awkward, awkward moment, bodily, bodily function, call, elevator, everyone, function, humor, i, mating, moment, noise, silence, silent, stomach, whale

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Based on the amount of laundry I wash each week, I’m starting to think there are people who live here that I haven’t met yet.

0

2 months ago

amount, chore, funny observation, here, household, housemate, humor, i, laundry, live, living, living situation, met, mystery, observation, people, situation, starting, think, wash, washing, week
When I worked as a restaurant critic, I wrote under a nom nom nom de plume.

0

2 months ago

cleverness, critic, de, food, humor, i, nom, nom de plume, plume, pun, restaurant, under, writing
The worst thing about being an adult is that you have to be one every single day.

0

3 months ago

adult, adulthood, being, daily, daily life, day, every, humor, life, responsibility, single, struggle, thing, worst
You look like you take lavender bubble baths with rose petals, surrounded by candles, bro.

0

2 months ago

bath, bro, bubble, bubble bath, candles, humor, lavender, petal, relaxation, rose, rose petal, self-care, surrounded, take
You’ll pay good money to hear a comedian say something offensive, but when I say it for free, I’m the bad guy.

0

5 months ago

bad, bad guy, comedian, double, double standard, free, good, guy, hear, humor, i, money, offensive, pay, say, something, standard
I met the real Santa tonight, and he said you’re all in trouble.

0

3 weeks ago

Christmas, humor, i, meeting, met, real, said, Santa, tonight, trouble, warning

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

10 shares on Threads this month:

“You’re so quiet!” Thanks! I actually tried to speak twice but you kept talking over me.

92 shares on Discord this month:

This generation of men makes celibacy so easy for women.

11 shares on Twitch this month:

Dating now is basically choosing which red flag you’re willing to tolerate.

90 shares on Slack this month:

All I’m saying is that big burgers should be wider not taller.

82 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Welcome to the internet, where people are confidently wrong all the time.

48 shares on X this month:

Why is it spelled “camouflage” and not “ “?

24 shares on Snapchat this month:

Yes, I am super annoying, but don’t worry, it’s just permanent.

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I hate hotel bath towels. So thick and fluffy, I can’t even close my suitcase.

93 shares on Threads this month:

How are they running out of oxygen if they’re breathing it right back into the submarine?

38 shares on Messenger this month:

When I tell my kids I’ll do something in a minute, what I’m really saying is “Please forget.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

Toast doesn’t talk. How do you know it’s French?

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

My girlfriend confided in me she loves when I blow air on her when she’s hot, but honestly, I’m not a fan.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

How do I become a billionaire by 9 a.m. Monday? Please, it’s urgent.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

I am physically, mentally and emotionally ready to enter a new phase in my life…. hibernation.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

People don’t catch bullets with their teeth anymore, get out there and practice.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Imagine being a bald vampire and every time you walk by a mirror your toupée is just floating.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

British people be like “It’s Chewsday, innit?”

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

I love being single because how could I explain a 2 p.m. – 5 p.m. nap on a Saturday.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

I finally used a screw from the random screw collection I’ve been accumulating for 25 years, and I’ve never felt so alive.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

All our dogs think we quit our jobs to spend more time with them. All our cats think we got fired for being lazy.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Telegram:

I don’t know if I’m still tired or already tired.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Pluck a single eyebrow hair in 1994, and it never grows back. Pluck a single chin hair today, and it’s back with five friends by 6 p.m.

Shared recently on YouTube:

How quickly family vacations go from “Omg, we only have 4 days left” to “Omg, we still have 4 days left”

Spotted on Discord:

Remember when we had to smack the TV because the channel wasn’t coming in clearly? I feel that way about far too many people.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Not now, honey. I’m talking to strangers on the internet.

Making waves on TikTok:

Getting a second opinion about my Tamagotchi’s health.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Family fistfights brought to you by Monopoly.

Making waves on Threads:

I’m still annoyed that you can catch Covid more than once. I can’t explain why, but it feels kind of rude.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Old people understand Roman numerals. I for one.

Just shared via Discord:

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

In a packed elevator, everyone is silent. Stomach: I will now demonstrate the mating call of a whale.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Based on the amount of laundry I wash each week, I’m starting to think there are people who live here that I haven’t met yet.

When I worked as a restaurant critic, I wrote under a nom nom nom de plume.

The worst thing about being an adult is that you have to be one every single day.

You look like you take lavender bubble baths with rose petals, surrounded by candles, bro.

You’ll pay good money to hear a comedian say something offensive, but when I say it for free, I’m the bad guy.

I met the real Santa tonight, and he said you’re all in trouble.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨