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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡ช has bookmarked:

Women are like apples; I like biting them.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has bookmarked:

Never trust a wet fart.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ญ๐Ÿ‡ณ has bookmarked:

Not to brag but I always pick the slowest moving checkout line at the grocery store.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ป has bookmarked:

Unfortunately, free coffee in the office will never hit like a $9 iced latte will.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฏ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has shared:

A sperm bank implies the existence of sperm markets, which further implies the existence of high-frequency sperm trading.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has bookmarked:

A garlic a day keeps people away.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡พ has shared:

That awkward moment when someone is doing the dishes, and you slowly put your dish in the sink.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฟ๐Ÿ‡ผ has downloaded:

Some days you feel like a hotel light. You’re there, but you don’t have enough energy to really do anything.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ฌ has copied:

If you wave your keys in front of a giant house, people will think you own it.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ท has shared:

Men need women, women need men. The end.

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Just burned 2,000 calories trying to avoid someone I know at Walmart.

Just burned 2,000 calories trying to avoid someone I know at Walmart.

Commentary:
"Who knew avoiding awkward encounters was the ultimate cardio workout? ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿƒโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿ’จ #WalmartOlympics"

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Welcome to Wordgag! ๐Ÿ˜‰โœŒ๏ธ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฅ

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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ญ๐Ÿ‡น has downloaded:

I found out my husband was cheating on me at a Linkin Park concert. We tried so hard and got so far, but in the end, it didnโ€™t even matter.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ซ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has downloaded:

When someone says โ€œI don’t want a relationship right nowโ€ the โ€œat least not with youโ€ is silent.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ฌ has viewed:

Why is there so much day left at the end of my patience?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ช has viewed:

I heard you like bad boys. Well, Iโ€™m bad. At everything.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡จ has downloaded:

I am a person who wants to get a lot done, trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep in and take naps at times.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has copied:

I am at the age where I question throwing away a box because, “It’s a really nice box.”

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡ฌ has bookmarked:

Turns out my superpower is the ability to go into incredible detail in completely the wrong direction.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡พ has viewed:

Not to brag, but I can put my socks on without sitting down.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ญ๐Ÿ‡บ has viewed:

You can be having the nicest day and then you have to print something and you know your day is about to fall apart real fast.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has shared:

I find it hard to believe I used to just answer my phone when it rang. No caller ID. No idea who was calling. Just picked it up and said โ€œhelloโ€ like a goddam daredevil.