Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

I often got called “an old soul” and such like by adults when I was a child. I think this was a kind way of saying I was a sad little freak.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

You wish you had this many chins.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

I need something good to watch while I’m on my phone.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Sometimes it feels better not to talk. At all. About anything. To anyone.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Changing your mind is an underrated activity.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

Spotify Wrapped: February was your basketball watermelon loudspeaker phone call hip hop moment.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

It’s awkward touching hands with another man inside a popcorn bag, especially if you don’t know the man and he doesn’t know you’re eating his popcorn.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

All I’m saying is that I’m closer to being a millionaire than Jeff Bezos is.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

I hate apps that shut off your music when you open them, like how fu*king important do you think you are?

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

We’ve historically done extremely well with regime change, so this should be a piece of cake.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

354 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,623

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,623

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,520

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

According to “The Hobbit”, Gollum was once a handsome young man who was robbed of his youth, zest for life and energy by putting on a ring. Men, think about it!

Trending via YouTube:

If you lift the cat off the couch and it sounds like Velcro, then it didn’t want to leave.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I can’t believe there was a time in my life when someone had to make me take a nap.

Spotted on Twitch:

For Valentine’s Day, I’m gift-wrapping a shirt my husband hasn’t worn in years. It’s the thought that counts—and technically, I thought of it twice.

Going viral on Facebook:

I don’t like talking to people with an IQ lower than the room temperature.

Spotted on Twitch:

How can vampires enjoy drinking our hot blood in the summer and other thoughts that keep me up at night.

Live now on X:

I’m always sad when my sandwich is over.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Knowing a guy who knows a guy is one of the most valuable things in the entire world.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

I only look up to people that are taller than me and really that’s about the extent of it.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I miss my bed. Why does it have to be so far from where I work?

My mom recently asked me how to take a screenshot. At first, I laughed, but then I remembered she taught me how to tie my shoes.

2 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess I owe her a "Tech for Tying" class 😂👟📱

asked, family, humor, i, laughter, me, memory, mom, screenshot, shoe, take, taught, teaching, technology, tie

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I love putting on warm underwear fresh out of the dryer. Plus, it’s fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to.

5 months ago

around, clothing, cozy, cozy clothing, dryer, fresh, fun, funny habit, game, guess, guessing, guessing game, habit, humor, i, laundromat, laundry, love, plus, putting, underwear, warm, warm underwear
If you’re the type of person who likes to be left alone, I’m with you. Better yet, I’m not with you.

2 months ago

alone, better, left, likes, person, type
The Princess and the Pea, except it’s a rogue hair on the inside of my shirt driving me crazy all day.

2 months ago

annoyance, crazy, day, discomfort, driving, except, hair, humor, inside, me, pea, princess, rogue, shirt
Sex makes you happy. So I understand your dissatisfaction.

2 months ago

dissatisfaction, fun, happy, humor, i, intimacy, relationship, sex, understand
I probably never die because I don’t finish anything without a specific deadline.

2 months ago

deadline, die, finish, humor, i, life, motivation, never, procrastination, specific, task
Just got emotional imagining a worm emerging from its cocoon as a dragonfly and then got even more emotional remembering that’s not what they do.

2 months ago

cocoon, dragonfly, emotion, emotional, even, expectation, humor, imagination, just, nature, reality, worm

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

47 shares on YouTube this month:

Having to pay to read scientific and scholarly articles is a really disgusting and pathetic practice.

94 shares on Twitch this month:

Feel like if a bunch of gays were stranded on a desert island, they’d all drop that voice thing in, like, a day.

84 shares on Instagram this month:

Female dragonflies will fake their own deaths to avoid mating with unwanted males. They are like, “Ugh, here comes Carl again. Play dead, girl!“

83 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but no one in the world is judging you as much as you’re judging yourself. People online: Hold my beer.

44 shares on TikTok this month:

Therapy isn’t about being “fixed.” It’s about being your therapist’s favorite patient.

74 shares on YouTube this month:

“Got milk?” Buddy, I don’t even have self-esteem.

95 shares on Threads this month:

It’s jarring for me when there are British people in the Midwest. How did you get this far inland?

28 shares on YouTube this month:

Don’t get horny around me; I’m an empath.

23 shares on Twitch this month:

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck got engaged, broke up, married other people, had children, reunited, got married, broke up again, and I’ve been single that whole time.

67 shares on Pinterest this month:

If you did the weekend right, your coffee needs coffee today.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

The neighbor girl told my kids she wouldn’t come over until they cleaned their rooms, so I guess I do have a favorite child.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

They always say, there is someone for everyone… unfortunately, the person for me is a therapist.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

Instead of calling it the John I’m going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

I no longer need an alarm clock because I’m over 40 and have a bladder.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

The websites that let me check out as a guest are the real heroes.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

You couldn’t pay me to do this year again.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

I got fired for telling customers if they wanted “smoking or non-smoking”. Apparently, the correct term in the funeral home business is “cremation or burial”.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

Asking my dentist a question, but sticking my fingers in his mouth before he replies.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

I think the key to happiness is having plenty of money and then telling all the poor people that money can’t buy happiness.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

In your 20s, there will be an evil narcissist demon disguised as the man of your dreams. It’s important that you run from that loser before he steals your light.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on YouTube:

Please congratulate me on my cool new position! It is the fetal position; I will be in it for a while.

Breaking via YouTube:

A friend of mine decided to cut all the toxic people out of his life, or so I was informed.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Since there is only one of me, does that make me limited edition?

Spreading quickly via X:

If A-B-C-D didn’t take their sweet time in the alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn’t have to sprint every time.

Seen just now on Slack:

I watched a woman clean her whole house on YouTube today, in case you thought I lacked ambition.

Spotted on Slack:

You just can’t live a full life on an empty stomach.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Bloopers in movie credits is a lost art form.

Just landed via Instagram:

I gotta ask, what part of ‘I don’t eat sugar’ don’t I understand?

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I miss my kids the most when they go to bed and the mosquitoes go after me because they have no other options.

Spotted on WeChat:

You can be anything. Be the person who ends meetings early.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My mom recently asked me how to take a screenshot. At first, I laughed, but then I remembered she taught me how to tie my shoes.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I love putting on warm underwear fresh out of the dryer. Plus, it’s fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to.

If you’re the type of person who likes to be left alone, I’m with you. Better yet, I’m not with you.

The Princess and the Pea, except it’s a rogue hair on the inside of my shirt driving me crazy all day.

Sex makes you happy. So I understand your dissatisfaction.

I probably never die because I don’t finish anything without a specific deadline.

Just got emotional imagining a worm emerging from its cocoon as a dragonfly and then got even more emotional remembering that’s not what they do.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨