Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

If you have an old house, but you haven’t got a ghost, you should complain to the estate agent.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

Went to the grocery store hungry. I didn’t need to pay rent this month anyway.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

I like to live life dangerously by occasionally sticking my foot out over the edge of the bed at night.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

I can clean the whole house if I want to, but if someone asks me to do it, suddenly I’m lazy.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

Always keep a dog eared book on your nightstand so that people think you know how to read.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

I named my dog “5 Miles,” so I can tell people I walk 5 miles every day.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

I don’t know which aunty needs to hear this, but focus on your own child.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

I deserve a treat when I have a bad week, but I also deserve a treat when I have a good week. I simply always deserve treats.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

We need an app where introverts can pay extroverts to make phone calls for them.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

Perhaps the best thing about getting older is that I no longer want to know everything.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,379

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on YouTube:

One day you’re young and carefree and the next you sneeze too hard and hurt your neck.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

The police said I was a ‘suspect’, but I prefer being called a ‘person of interest’.

Making waves on YouTube:

I’m so grateful when people tell me to drive safe, cause then I remember not to drive off that cliff.

Going viral on Telegram:

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep, not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Freshly posted on Slack:

When I say “I’m open to feedback” I mean “I accept compliments.”

Just shared via Slack:

You know you’re getting old when you clean the house to the music you used to go out to.

Shared recently on X:

Every time I do something stupid, my dad stares at my mom like he wants a refund.

Going viral on Twitch:

Every group chat has that one person who never replies, and it’s me.

Just landed via TikTok:

Why would I get married when it’s a well-known fact that only 50% of all marriages end in divorce?

Just landed via X:

I voted for the candidate on the last yard sign I saw before pulling in. Slow children at play will lead us into the future.

New York is so awesome. Like, yes, let’s spend $108 for breakfast and walk past homeless people freezing.

2 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"NYC: Where you pay gourmet prices for scrambled eggs and a side of existential crisis 🍳💸🥶"

awesome, breakfast, city, city life, cold, expensive, freezing, homeless, humor, irony, life, new, New York, past, people, spend, walk, yes, york

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Whoever’s been in charge of the weather for the last few weeks seems to have fallen asleep on the couch with the remote control in their hand.

0

2 months ago

asleep, charge, control, couch, funny observation, hand, humor, last, observation, remote, remote control, responsibility, sleep, weather, weeks
Middle-aged math is going out drinking and feeling half your age then waking up the next morning feeling twice your age.

0

2 months ago

age, drinking, feeling, going, half, hangover, humor, math, middle-aged, morning, next, party, twice, waking
I got called “pretty” today! Well, the full sentence was “You’re pretty annoying,” but I only focus on the positive things.

0

2 months ago

annoying, compliment, focus, full, got, humor, i, irony, joke, only, positive, positivity, pretty, sarcasm, self-deprecating, sentence, things, today, well, wit
Therapy is basically me saying, “I did a thing,” and my therapist saying, “Yay, good job!”

0

2 months ago

encouragement, good, health, humor, i, job, me, mental, mental health, praise, saying, self-esteem, self-improvement, self-talk, therapist, therapy, thing, yay
How come all the single people don’t need no one, and all the married ones need two?

0

5 months ago

couple, humor, irony, love, married, need, ones, people, relationship, single
Messages are way funnier when you know how the person talks.

0

2 months ago

communication, conversation, funnier, humor, interaction, know, messages, person, social, social interaction, texting, understanding

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

69 shares on Snapchat this month:

Just shaved my whole body for Santa.

33 shares on X this month:

Don’t wait until you’re on your death bed to let them know how you feel. You may be too weak to raise your middle finger.

35 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice-cream.

95 shares on Pinterest this month:

I think God was high when he made me.

54 shares on WeChat this month:

The gaps in my resume are from the space bar.

62 shares on Discord this month:

April fools prank: replace all the sugar in your house with cocaine.

34 shares on Threads this month:

Grok, is this true? Grok, am I original? Grok, am I the only one? Grok, am I sexual?

90 shares on Facebook this month:

“I” before “E,” except when your foreign neighbor Keith receives eight counterfeit beige sleighs from weird, feisty, caffeinated weightlifters.

73 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You ever notice how when you get home from food shopping, the kids turn into airport security?

63 shares on Reddit this month:

God: “I’m all-knowing but I’d rather be all-forgetting.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

Ending my thesis paper with “but who cares what I think?”

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Don’t feel bad if you don’t succeed on your first try. It took Michael Angelo sixteen chapels.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

I can cope well with most situations. Hearing someone smack is not one of them.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

When someone loses something, I like to ask helpful questions like ‘Where did you last see it?’ and ‘Where did you put it?’ and ‘Where is it?’

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Is there anyone here old enough to remember when typing was a class in high school?

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

First date idea: you transfer me all your crypto.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

Apparently, responding to a wedding invitation with “maybe next time” is wrong. I know that now.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

They should invent a political party that doesn’t suck.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

A real smartphone would know when to shut up.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Italians, look away now. I break my spaghetti in half before I cook it.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via TikTok:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here talking baby talk to my plants.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Car rides by yourself with loud music… they’re good for the soul.

Just shared via Slack:

Why would I date a nonchalant man? I like my men how I like my thong.

Breaking via WeChat:

I don’t want to party like it’s 1999, I want to go grocery shopping like it is.

Spotted on Slack:

I hope I find $10,000 on the floor later.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Throwing a spear at your enemy is a bad gamble. If you miss, you have no spear now and he’s just fine. He’s better than fine; now he has a spear.

Live now on Messenger:

It’s not that I want more shoes, it’s just that they keep making them in my size.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Are you even a parent if you’ve never carried your child out of a store sideways like a surfboard?

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Opinions are like air fryers. Everyone’s got one and they won’t stop banging on about them.

Just landed via Reddit:

I didn’t believe in karma until I was scheduled to work at 6am on a holiday.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

New York is so awesome. Like, yes, let’s spend $108 for breakfast and walk past homeless people freezing.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Whoever’s been in charge of the weather for the last few weeks seems to have fallen asleep on the couch with the remote control in their hand.

Middle-aged math is going out drinking and feeling half your age then waking up the next morning feeling twice your age.

I got called “pretty” today! Well, the full sentence was “You’re pretty annoying,” but I only focus on the positive things.

Therapy is basically me saying, “I did a thing,” and my therapist saying, “Yay, good job!”

How come all the single people don’t need no one, and all the married ones need two?

Messages are way funnier when you know how the person talks.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨