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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

And where did Mr. Pepper receive his degree from exactly?

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Confuse a restaurant manager today by telling her how good the service was.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

The only team building exercise we had when I started working was called “Happy Hour.”

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

Much like a candle, I was tall when I was young, but I get shorter as I grow old.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

Why didn’t Scooby Doo smell that the ghosts were human?

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

Whoever’s been in charge of the weather for the last few weeks seems to have fallen asleep on the couch with the remote control in their hand.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

Too young to retire, too poor to quit and too fat to strip – so let’s move on.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

All women want is to consistently annoy one handsome man forever.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

My ideal vacation would be to drop my family off at the airport and then have a week of peace and quiet.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

I ordered mushrooms on my pizza. When do they kick in?

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

Life update: it’s getting worse.

Breaking via Twitch:

Men can be sorted into two camps: the ones who get haircuts way before they need them, and the ones who wait until people in their lives are complaining.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I’m heading to the beach without a beach body.

Spotted on Telegram:

Drugs do not ruin your career. Drug tests do.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Dear Santa, Money!

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Those security guards at the Samsung store are Guardians of the Galaxy.

Spotted on YouTube:

When God created the giraffe, he probably slipped with the mouse on the screen. This is how its neck was created.

Making waves on X:

Save tons of money on a weighted blanket by sleeping under the mattress.

Seen just now on X:

Asking doctors about nutrition is like asking software engineers about printers, they really have no idea.

Just landed via Instagram:

Before you have kids, ask yourself: how patient am I with really stupid people?

Next time you think I am flirting with you, ask yourself if kindness is so rare in your life that you mistake it for desire.

3 weeks ago

Witty quote about kindness and misinterpreting flirtation, humorous and playful tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When being nice gets mistaken for a love spell… I guess my Hogwarts letter finally came! 🎩✨😉 #KindnessMagic"

am, ask, cues, desire, flirting, humor, i, kindness, life, mistake, misunderstanding, next, rare, sarcasm, social, social cues, think, time, wit, yourself

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

29 shares on Pinterest this month:

Roses are red. Pizza sauce is too. I ordered a large. And none of it’s for you.

82 shares on Discord this month:

The worst part about getting sucked up by the tornado you’re filming is to die knowing your wife was right. You are an idiot.

21 shares on Reddit this month:

Life so stupid, I just want a burger and to be held.

55 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Seeking a date so intense even the candles are sweating.

34 shares on Instagram this month:

Now hush, Lil Labubu, don’t you cry, everything’s gonna be Dubai.

87 shares on Discord this month:

“I’m not short. I’m just more down to earth than most people.”

76 shares on Facebook this month:

Getting real tired of my own bullshit.

66 shares on WeChat this month:

If the USA is so great, why did someone make the USB?

100 shares on Slack this month:

Having your own apartment by yourself is so funny, cause I really just swept the whole place naked.

85 shares on WhatsApp this month:

She’s got style. She’s got grace. She dropped her cellphone on her face. She’s a lady.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

Spotify Wrapped has a special talent for pulling up an artist I’ve literally never heard of and telling me I actually listen to them 2,000 times per day.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel by now.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Drunk me promising you anything is the equivalent of a politician giving their manifesto … it’s not gonna happen.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

It’s completely absurd that Silicon Valley is pushing AI on us before they figured out how to keep fries fresh for longer.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

Outlook just asked me if I’m “enjoying” Microsoft Outlook. As if it’s not the Torment Portal.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

When someone giving me directions says, “You can’t miss it,” I would love to tell them just how wrong they were if I could find my way back to them.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Stephen King’s It is the bone chilling story about adults who are forced to spend time with their childhood friends.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Italy stands for I Truly Always Love You.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

The difference between the kids table and the adults table during holiday dinners is that there is much more screaming, crying, and arguing at the adults table.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

I hope you all get laid soon, for your own mental health.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

Alexa, mute my children.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Why does the weekend always feel like it lasts five minutes?

Just landed via Pinterest:

Dear God, thank you for the job I have. But if you have a lottery win planned for me, I’m ready! Thank you.

Shared recently on TikTok:

They should invent a man who is being genuine when he says things to me.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

If you are lonely, dim all the lights and put on a horror movie. You won’t feel like you are lonely any more.

Going viral on Facebook:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but that much caffeine can’t be good for you.

Making waves on Discord:

November should have one more day. Just because to me November 31st sounds real. And also I don’t want to pay rent tomorrow.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Sometimes I don’t have anything intelligent to say and sometimes I don’t let that stop me.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Are you a software update, because not now!

Seen just now on Facebook:

Money enters like Beyoncé and exits like Britney.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Next time you think I am flirting with you, ask yourself if kindness is so rare in your life that you mistake it for desire.

I’m a big believer in not going to work on your birthday!

Some people are like sunglasses: your day just becomes so much brighter when you accidentally drop them off the side of the boat.

I’ve done the math: If the month had 10 days, I would get by with my money.

I may be a beginner at some things, but I have a black belt in shopping.

90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lie down again.

A gentle reminder that if your birth year starts with a 19, you should consider wrapping the Christmas presents on a table, and not on the floor.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Next time you think I am flirting with you, ask yourself if kindness is so rare in your life that you mistake it for desire.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I’m a big believer in not going to work on your birthday!

Some people are like sunglasses: your day just becomes so much brighter when you accidentally drop them off the side of the boat.

I’ve done the math: If the month had 10 days, I would get by with my money.

I may be a beginner at some things, but I have a black belt in shopping.

90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lie down again.

A gentle reminder that if your birth year starts with a 19, you should consider wrapping the Christmas presents on a table, and not on the floor.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨