Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

I just wish I had the confidence of my husband who thinks everything only takes 5 minutes.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

I see people my age out there climbing mountains and skydiving, and here I am feeling good about myself because I got my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

I love chatty cats like, yeah, bro, meow meow, you’re so right.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

All these self-driving vehicles… It’s only a matter of time before we hear a country song about his truck leaving him.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!” Oh, it’s ok, you can just kill me next time.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

Who’s your favorite horror director? Mine’s God.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

Hey, you should start your own business and then mind it.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

Your girlfriend needs two hours to get ready. But if you don’t have your shoes on when she’s ready, you’re the problem.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

If you ever think you can solve a parenting problem by doing the opposite of what didn’t work last time, the universe will just be like “Lol, nice try, dummy!”

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

I love tennis but never really been clear why they need a lifeguard.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,617

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Instagram:

I can’t wait until my kids have a place of their own so I can come barging through their door and say “what’s for dinner? I don’t like that. Can you give me money for McDonald’s?”

Freshly posted on X:

I forgot to turn my clocks back and, oh my God, you guys are not going to believe the stuff that happens in the next hour.

Spotted on Facebook:

Not to brag, but what a time to be childless.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Remember that even the worst haircut will eventually grow on you.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

The only thing that could heal me is a memory loss.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

The main reason for stress is the daily contact with idiots.

Trending via Twitch:

I said when I retire, I would travel. I just didn’t expect it to be to the doctors.

Shared recently on Discord:

Being an adult is mumbling ‘this is stupid’ as you reluctantly slide out of bed.

Going bananas on Discord:

Technology has gone too far, man. My roommate is logged out of his lightbulbs because he forgot his password.

Shared recently on X:

Being a little freak is my love language.

Psychiatry is crazy because they’re just like… Oh, you’re really depressed? Would being on a pill that makes you fat help?

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh great, now I can be sad AND struggle to fit in my jeans 😂💊👖

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The way Christmas shopping expects me to have money right now is, honestly, disrespectful.

1

2 months ago

Christmas, disrespect, disrespectful, expectation, finance, holiday, humor, me, money, right, sarcasm, shopping, spending
I always have a cheap bottle of wine in the house in case any family visit.

0

2 months ago

always, bottle, cheap, drinking, family, hosting, house, humor, i, visit, wine
Descibe your boobs only using a picture of them.

0

2 months ago

boob, boobs, communication, creativity, describe, humor, picture, visual
My husband needs a hearing aid, but refuses to get one because it’s the key to our happy marriage.

0

2 months ago

aid, communication, compromise, happy, hearing, hearing aid, humor, husband, key, marriage, needs, refusal, refuses, relationship
Sperm me would be swimming in the other direction.

0

2 months ago

direction, humor, joke, me, sperm, swimming, wordplay
My sex face is the same as my first pee in three hours face.

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkward situations, bathroom, bathroom humor, expression, face, funny expression, hours, humor, moments, pee, pee face, relatable, relatable moments, same, sex, sex face, situations

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

66 shares on Slack this month:

Dating profiles should make you share a sound bite of you sneezing.

79 shares on Instagram this month:

Gwyneth Paltrow, I received the message you sent me last night in my dream and will proceed with the plan.

40 shares on TikTok this month:

Getting mad when an app updates and changes their format is the new “rearranged grocery store” for me.

66 shares on Pinterest this month:

I used to eat my feelings but now it’s so expensive, I might as well go to therapy.

76 shares on Snapchat this month:

I wonder if the fall of Rome was this stupid.

47 shares on X this month:

Lady just asked me what “mansplaining” is. I think it’s a trap. We’ve been staring at each other in silence for half an hour.

77 shares on Facebook this month:

Ok. I blinked 182 times. What happens now?

41 shares on Instagram this month:

If I were Juliet, I would NOT be pleased to find a man standing under my balcony at midnight. Sir, I am in my jim-jams.

53 shares on YouTube this month:

You stop moving your mouse for 5 seconds, and Microsoft Teams will say you never showed up for work.

32 shares on WhatsApp this month:

How does world hunger exist when we can fry air?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

I wonder if the guy who came up with the term “One Hit Wonder” came up with any other phrases?

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

If the interviewer doesn’t think it’s cool when you pull a quarter out of his ear, the job wasn’t good enough for you anyways.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

I’m single because of everyone else’s shortcomings.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

Doing nothing is very hard to do. You never know when you’re finished.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

I think nervous flatulence would be helpful if you were ever kidnapped.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

Professor, set the time machine for right now. I’m trying to be more present.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

If the USA is so great, why did someone make the USB?

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Being excited to get in bed really is a different level of adulting.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

You know you’re a bad cook when the dog won’t lick the plate.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

Twitter is great because you can get good life advice from other emotionally unstable adults.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Facebook:

My love language is deader than Latin.

Trending via Threads:

If you’ve seen one shopping centre, you’ve seen a mall.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Lovingly looking at my dog knowing I’m about to ruin her day with a bath.

Just shared via Discord:

Shoutout to everyone who remembers their childhood landline number but can’t recall the password they made yesterday. You’re my people.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Let the good times roll. Let the bad times crawl. Let the acceptable times do the hopscotch.

Trending via Telegram:

How do you politely tell someone that they ruined your life?

Freshly posted on Facebook:

A shark could swim faster than me, but I could probably run faster than a shark. So, in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Let’s tell the truth cell phone. I don’t have six missed calls. I have six ignored calls.

Trending via Telegram:

“Help us improve Instagram!” Nice try, fix your own damn website.

Just shared via Twitch:

Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize they meant “Autumn,” not the collapse of civilization.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Psychiatry is crazy because they’re just like… Oh, you’re really depressed? Would being on a pill that makes you fat help?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

The way Christmas shopping expects me to have money right now is, honestly, disrespectful.

I always have a cheap bottle of wine in the house in case any family visit.

Descibe your boobs only using a picture of them.

My husband needs a hearing aid, but refuses to get one because it’s the key to our happy marriage.

Sperm me would be swimming in the other direction.

My sex face is the same as my first pee in three hours face.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨