Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

My favorite unit of measurement is smithereens.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

Imagine sex with me. No, not like that, you’re doing it all wrong!

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Nothing tops a plain pizza.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

Yes, I upload photos with filters because I want to look good. If you want to see the ugly side of me, come to my house.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Whenever I get up my cat gets up too and then yells at me like it’s my fault she decided we have to do this together.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

I cannot definitively say, even after all I’ve seen, that I would not visit Jurassic Park.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

Cops wake up Christmas morning excited as hell to ignore their family and go sit on the highway with a radar gun for 10 hours.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

Losing a white tee to a stain is a different kind of grief.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

To the people who have only fans, what’s stopping you from upgrading to an air conditioner?

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

Why is everyone against sugar? Who stood beside you when things went wrong and you were sad? It wasn’t lettuce, for sure.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,568

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

Everyone on the bus thinks that they are the main character, when in reality the main character is the bus.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Don’t worry, nobody noticed the weird thing you did. They’re too busy with the weird thing you said.

Seen just now on X:

I tried yoga once. I pulled a hamstring and my dignity.

Going viral on WeChat:

If I ever went to jail for murder, it would be for murdering my printer.

Spotted on TikTok:

Anything is free if you can outrun security. The more you know.

Seen just now on Telegram:

“I’d rather hurl myself into an active volcano!” -me, politely declining dates.

Just landed via Reddit:

If I was a star and you were a star, I would wink at you and blink at you and twinkle at you and the earthlings would call it science.

Going viral on TikTok:

At the grocery store, but forgot my wife’s list so I guess I’ll just follow this other guy around and get what he gets.

Just shared via WeChat:

People who don’t have a dishwasher, where do they bang their shins?

Going viral on Reddit:

Pro tip: Avoid the news for a couple of days and have some fun.

Rather than touching grass, I recommend going to a concert and experiencing the live performance of that one song you hold religiously close to your heart.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Why touch grass when you can touch the soul with live music? 🤘🎶✨"

activity, close, concert, experience, fun, fun activity, going, grass, heart, hold, i, live, live performance, music, performance, recommend, song, touching

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Flex on strangers by asking them if they remember you.

0

2 months ago

asking, awkward, awkward moment, confidence, flex, humor, interaction, moment, remember, social, social interaction, strangers
Hello, boyfriend? It’s me, girlfriend, from dating?

0

2 months ago

boyfriend, call, communication, dating, girlfriend, hello, humor, love, me, relationship
When you’re using Grok, the A in Al just stands for Adolf.

0

2 months ago

Adolf, al, grok, humor, joke, just, name, name joke, using
You can have glossy lips or you can have a cat. You can’t have both.

0

2 months ago

beauty, cat, choice, dilemma, glossy, glossy lip, humor, lip, lips, pet
I’m not always a couch potato. For instance, right now I’m a chair potato, and later I’ll be a bed potato.

0

5 months ago

always, bed, bed potato, chair, chair potato, couch, couch potato, humor, later, laziness, potato, relaxation, right
I wanna date someone cuter than me, but sadly I am the cutest.

0

2 months ago

am, confidence, cute, cutest, date, humor, i, me, relationship, self-esteem, someone

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

44 shares on Telegram this month:

Forgetting how to clean the dishes and shooting them with a gun.

96 shares on Pinterest this month:

To everyone I’ve wronged this year. Next year same time, same place.

81 shares on Pinterest this month:

I knew school was a scam when my business teacher didn’t own a business, and my PE teacher was fat.

82 shares on Twitch this month:

Can’t threaten me with screenshots. I’ll get a microphone and say it again.

56 shares on Pinterest this month:

“I have a favourite hole”, me, at the pool table.

10 shares on YouTube this month:

The people that ask Grok everything are the same people that follow Google Map directions straight into a lake.

75 shares on Pinterest this month:

My summer body has been pending for about ten years.

19 shares on Reddit this month:

Every time I think I’m cooked, God moves mountains for me. That’s so nice of Him.

45 shares on Pinterest this month:

Men, why do you still have the boxes your electronics came in?

74 shares on Twitch this month:

Nothing is complicated when you’re simple-minded like me.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

Whoever told you there’s no such thing as a stupid question lied.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

I’m not “dating to marry” or “dating for fun.” I’m dating for a secret third reason.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

The Wi-Fi stops working for 2 minutes, and suddenly I start thinking about life.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

Hey, if the Earth could stop air frying me, that’d be great.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

Running feels great until you compare it to not running.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

If the apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree, my kids are screwed.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

My daily routine. Morning: Feeling tired, cranky and lazy. Afternoon: I could go for a nap. Night: I can’t sleep.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

These weekends are starting to feel as long as a lunch break.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

Not to brag, but I drove and found a place I was looking for without turning down my music today.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

My therapist is fluffy and walks on four paws.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but my doctor says I have an irreversible terminal condition called aging.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

You have to be careful about sending your spouse things on social media. You send too many things, next thing you know chores are being redistributed because of “all the free time you clearly have”.

Going bananas on Slack:

My favourite animal is me when I have money.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Welcome to your 40s! You’re gonna need several doctors, no matter how many apples.

Spotted on Snapchat:

If my son ever came out as gay, I’d be so furious. Furious that he never gave me fashion advice.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

The most difficult thing you’ll do as a parent is not rearrange the ornaments after the kids put them on the tree.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Tired of looking at a bad screen. Can’t wait to get home and look at a good screen.

Spotted on Slack:

Can’t. Inventing new things to worry about.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Rent really don’t make no sense. Like, why is my apartment getting a raise every year? Who is doing the performance review?

Making waves on YouTube:

Sleeping in in winter is really great, you still have about an hour of daylight left before it gets dark again.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Rather than touching grass, I recommend going to a concert and experiencing the live performance of that one song you hold religiously close to your heart.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Flex on strangers by asking them if they remember you.

Hello, boyfriend? It’s me, girlfriend, from dating?

When you’re using Grok, the A in Al just stands for Adolf.

You can have glossy lips or you can have a cat. You can’t have both.

I’m not always a couch potato. For instance, right now I’m a chair potato, and later I’ll be a bed potato.

I wanna date someone cuter than me, but sadly I am the cutest.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨