Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

I don’t hate you, I just don’t want to see you alive.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

Always be kind. You never know who has subscriptions to your favorite streaming apps.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

I’m glad nobody can see the face I make when I’ve just started the washing machine and then spot a sock on the floor.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Welcome to middle age. “I carried a watermelon” has gone from a movie quote to something you tell your orthopedist.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

A moment of silence for the paycheck that was in my account for five minutes.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

Have kids so you can say things you never thought you would like “please don’t vacuum your sister”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

494 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,087

Funny Quotes Topics

17,241

Funny Quotes Images

15,087

Updated

Dec 19, 2025

Users Online

3,975

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Reddit:

Milk teeth are wasted on children. A new set of teeth would be a lot more useful when you’re older.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I finally get why people love cauliflower.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Finally got around to emptying the vegetable drawer of the fridge before something started its independence movement in there.

Live now on Instagram:

You don’t scare me. You’re not the evil eye I get from my dog when I make him get up from the couch so I can lay down.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

People who live alone should get one practice conversation before they have to speak out loud for the first time that day.

Spotted on Facebook:

They say dress for the job you want, so I walk around dressed like Darth Vader.

Spotted on Messenger:

I want to clarify that what I publish on social media does not define me as a person; I am worse.

So I just checked my bank account, and it looks like for Christmas I am getting everyone the thought that counts.

7 days ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like my bank account's in stealth mode for the holidays! 🎅💸😂

account, am, bank, bank account, budget, Christmas, everyone, finance, getting, gift, holiday, humor, i, just, looks, money, spending, thought

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“Overdressed” is a social construct created by hating girls.

1 month ago

appearance, body, body image, construct, fashion, femininity, gender, girls, image, norms, social, social construct, societal, societal norms
Shorts should be half the price of pants.

2 months ago

clothing, comparison, economics, fashion, humor, pants, price, shorts, should
Don’t worry, nobody noticed the weird thing you did. They’re too busy with the weird thing you said.

1 month ago

anxiety, busy, funny observation, nobody, notice, noticed, observation, said, self-consciousness, social, social anxiety, thing, too, weird, weird thing, worry
There are some websites where my password management strategy is to just hit “Forgot my password” every time I need to log in.

2 months ago

every, forgot, forgot password, hit, humor, i, just, log, login, management, need, online, online security, password, password management, security, strategy, technology, time, website, websites, where
Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?

2 months ago

count, exercise, fitness, gym, humor, procrastination, resistance, training, workout
Normalize saying, “Just as the oracle foretold,” when things go your way.

3 months ago

fate, humor, just, normalize, oracle, prediction, saying, superstition, things

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

Hi, I’m a social media user, you might know me from such hits as “I’m leaving this stupid place” and “I’m back everybody.”

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

It’s a fabulous time to be alive if you love: verification codes, verifying your email, yelling ‘REAL PERSON’ into a phone at a robot, reading nightmarish news all day, every day, hot.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

I would flirt with you, but I’d rather seduce you with my awkwardness.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

Getting left on read really gives me perspective on what Nigerian princes go through.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

I’ve tasted being employed, and I’ve tasted being unemployed. I recommend not being born.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

The fastest mammal on earth is the smartass on the web.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

One thing about me is I don’t even need to get drunk to act a fool.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Please make sure you are only drinking as much water as you REALLY need. We need that for the data centers. If you’re thirsty, AI is thirsty too.

Spotted on Discord:

Imagine marrying an old man for money and you die first.

Just shared via Slack:

Me summer vacation planning: I’m going to Europe. Bank account: You’re going camping.

Trending via YouTube:

I’m just a crazy person looking for a crazy person who finds me completely normal.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

I just sneezed into my elbow and now I’m waiting for a preschool teacher to praise me.

Just landed via WeChat:

I love when the restaurant bathroom has different music playing than the restaurant. It’s like I’m going to Club Pee Pee.

Spotted on Slack:

Having children is a pyramid scheme.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

So I just checked my bank account, and it looks like for Christmas I am getting everyone the thought that counts.

Shorts should be half the price of pants.

Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?

Normalize saying, “Just as the oracle foretold,” when things go your way.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I think the most financially irresponsible thing I’ve done is get my kids to like sushi.

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

My bed wasn’t feeling well this morning, so I had to stay home to take care of it.

Imagine the carnage at an IKEA team building event.

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that you’re an expert on my life and how I should live it! Please continue while I take notes.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

80s movies: Let’s go to the future! Today: Let’s go back to the 80s!

Have you ever apologized to your car after you hit a pothole?

What are y’all gonna do when those labubus come to life and start biting y’alls ankles?

Just being myself is how we got into this mess.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

“You look nervous” Thanks, I’ve been practicing my whole life.

Life is short. Make sure you spend as much time as possible on the web arguing with strangers.

I fondly remember my days as a younger man when I didn’t care what the weather was going to do.

Grammar is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Fact: cats sit on your lap to dominate you.

Phone addiction got so bad that watching a movie feels productive.

Just because you can connect to your neighbor’s bluetooth speaker and play ghost noises doesn’t mean you should.

I’m going to bed, everyone. Try to keep it down.

The dumbest people have the loudest opinions on politics.

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So I just checked my bank account, and it looks like for Christmas I am getting everyone the thought that counts.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

“Overdressed” is a social construct created by hating girls.

Shorts should be half the price of pants.

Don’t worry, nobody noticed the weird thing you did. They’re too busy with the weird thing you said.

There are some websites where my password management strategy is to just hit “Forgot my password” every time I need to log in.

Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?

Normalize saying, “Just as the oracle foretold,” when things go your way.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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