Someone has left me a voicemail. I don’t know what to do. Open the phone app? The contacts? Do I turn on the TV?

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

I’m the person who requested weather reporters stand in the storms. I have no concept of wind or rain and love seeing needless suffering.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

Surely, this is the hangover that will teach me my lesson.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

This year should be named “things I never thought could happen”.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

At my age, a trail of clothes leading to the bedroom, means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

I’d be really slim if it wasn’t for birthdays, anniversaries, Easter, Christmas, Mother’s Day, weekends and me.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

Hannibal Lecter didn’t have to be a serial killer, he was scary enough as a foodie.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

Googled my symptoms and it turns out it’s just the politics.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

Nike: Just Do It! Me: I don’t want to.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

It’s so funny when someone writes a song to try to get someone to have sex with them. That’s what a bird would do!

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

Can I get back all those naps I refused to take as a kid? I could really use them now.