Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

I think I look pretty okay for my age. It’s just when I hold menus two feet from my face that I know the ruse is up.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

Movies in the 80s had me convinced that a main part of being a grown-up was staying late at the office and eating Chinese takeout.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

I think carefully about what I’m going to say and I still manage to say the wrong thing. It’s truly a gift I have.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

I love posting my thoughts on the internet. Now they’re your problem.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

Why does the dentist have to take an x-ray of my teeth? They right there, bro!

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

“Huh” is 94% of my vocabulary.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

“Are you getting your period?” God forbid I’m just evil.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

If you watch Home Alone backwards it’s a loving story about a kid that heals two men that were savagely beaten.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

Fuzzy socks on and ready for anything.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

My ego is bruised so I’m going to ice it with some cold beer.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,781

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

When a door closes in life, sometimes it’s better to grab a hammer and nails and make sure the damn thing stays shut.

Making waves on TikTok:

You are born, you lie about how you are and then you die.

Freshly posted on X:

If you can’t handle me at my worst, then honestly, you’re missing out because that’s when my jokes and bits get really, really good.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Getting sent money you didn’t ask for is very sexy.

Going viral on Threads:

I wish rage burned calories. I would be so skinny.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I figured out how they built the pyramids. No internet.

Going viral on Discord:

Okay, seen enough, someone put a blanket over my cage.

Just shared via Reddit:

The most important meal of the day is the next one.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Breakfast in bed: where your cozy blanket turns into a crumby crime scene.

Trending via Discord:

Dear Aliens, Now would be a good time. Thanks!

Sorry I missed your call, I was staring in horror at the screen, wondering why on earth you couldn’t just text me.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oops, my screen froze in panic mode, now my phone needs therapy! 📱😂💆‍♀️

call, communication, Earth, frustration, horror, humor, i, just, me, message, missed, missed call, phone, screen, sorry, staring, technology, text, text message, why, wondering

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Am I the only one who wonders why the Flintstones celebrate Christmas?

0

2 months ago

am, cartoon, celebrate, Christmas, Flintstones, holiday, humor, i, irony, time, time travel, travel, wonder
My ego is bruised so I’m going to ice it with some cold beer.

0

2 months ago

beer, bruised, cold, cold beer, drinking, ego, going, humor, ice, relaxation, self-care
I’m always sad when my sandwich is over.

0

2 months ago

always, craving, disappointment, eating, food, humor, meal, over, sad, sandwich
They should invent a day where you aren’t tired.

0

2 months ago

day, fatigue, humor, invention, rest, should, tired, where, wish
I’m not religious, but if someone is turning water into wine, let’s take a second look.

0

2 months ago

belief, humor, miracle, observation, religion, skepticism, someone, water, wine
Me: Maybe it’s the weed talking but your apartment seems enormous. IKEA Manager: Sir.

1

2 months ago

apartment, conversation, enormous, humor, IKEA, manager, me, perspective, talking, weed

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

21 shares on Reddit this month:

If a government has online beef with a pop star, it has already lost.

61 shares on Messenger this month:

A storm knows it’s laced with destruction, and yet it rages on.

11 shares on Snapchat this month:

The marriage rate has been trending downward. Choreographed wedding dances may be the reason.

24 shares on Pinterest this month:

You get to a certain age and realize stretching is non-negotiable.

35 shares on Reddit this month:

Tornadoes are the most relaxing things in the news.

27 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t think I’d be so scared of spiders if they had eight tiny flip flops on.

71 shares on X this month:

Everyone who dramatically ‘quits’ social media is back in 48 hours like it was just a trial separation.

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Always be kind. You never know who has subscriptions to your favorite streaming apps.

94 shares on Telegram this month:

Self-esteem’s so bad my fantasies are hurting my feelings.

99 shares on Threads this month:

I just really hope The Weeknd’s real name isn’t Mnday.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

Being anti-AI right now feels like being one of the few unbitten humans in a zombie apocalypse.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

A moment of silence for everything I have to do but am not doing.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

Making friends as an adult is wild because there’s so much lore to catch up on. You’ll be 3 years in and still get random drops like, ‘Oh, by the way, I used to be married.’

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

I hope this email finds you at relative peace with the paradox of existence.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

One of the most embarrassing things in the world: walking downhill.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

The Secret Service was chasing me but I painted a tunnel on the side of a wall and they all ran into it.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

I bought a little bag of air today. The company that made it was kind enough to put some potato chips in it as well.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Fun fact: Did you know that removing junk food from your diet can help you lose up to 90% of your will to live?

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

August is almost over. September is next week. Time to pick out a Halloween costume and start your Christmas shopping. Happy New Year, everybody.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Why does the phone ring longer when you’re ignoring the call?

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

Fancy restaurants are self-esteem destroyers because good luck not leaving an embarrassing stain on the white table cloth. Ever.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Me: trying to rest. Earthquake: Let’s make that a no.

Live now on Messenger:

Remember when we had to smack the TV cause it wasn’t coming in clearly? I feel that way about too many people.

Just landed via Discord:

I am one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.

Seen just now on Facebook:

“I asked ChatGPT”. I confided in Amazon. I confessed to McDonald’s. I have an inside joke with Exxon Mobil.

Making waves on Twitch:

People don’t realize how hard you ride for them until you park.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Broke my work phone. I can’t talk on it anymore. I should have done this a long time ago.

Breaking via Reddit:

New year; new me. Just kidding. I’m already awesome.

Freshly posted on Discord:

The day after Christmas is a dangerous morning to be a microwave.

Just landed via Snapchat:

People think I forgot the shit they said. Ain’t no expiration date on disrespect.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry I missed your call, I was staring in horror at the screen, wondering why on earth you couldn’t just text me.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Am I the only one who wonders why the Flintstones celebrate Christmas?

My ego is bruised so I’m going to ice it with some cold beer.

I’m always sad when my sandwich is over.

They should invent a day where you aren’t tired.

I’m not religious, but if someone is turning water into wine, let’s take a second look.

Me: Maybe it’s the weed talking but your apartment seems enormous. IKEA Manager: Sir.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨