Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

Social media is mental suicide.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

Hate when I get halfway there and have to go back for my teeth.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

I’m kind of excited about the apocalypse. I would love to eat a basement full of food.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

There’s nothing I hate more than being comfy in bed and suddenly needing to pee.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

My morning routine consists of talking myself out of quitting my job.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

I deal with my personal problems the same way I study for tests, I don’t.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

Yeah, no worries, man. You just showed everyone that you have a lot of resentments bubbling underneath, but otherwise, it was a cool evening.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Sitting with my legs really wide to experiment with gender.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

I think every app should, by law, let you deactivate all of its short-form video content.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,628

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Facebook:

I’m a work in progress that hasn’t made much progress.

Trending via Threads:

I had no idea being an adult would involve so many lotions.

Going bananas on TikTok:

I’m planning to save money on Christmas gifts this year by wrapping up all the toys my toddler dropped behind the couch.

Freshly posted on Discord:

And to my children, I leave 127 open tabs on Safari.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

You can use an egg timer to tell you when your egg is cooked perfectly. For brown rice you can use a calendar.

Live now on Snapchat:

The person who invented autocorrect should burn in hello.

Seen just now on Slack:

Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves while he does.

Going viral on Threads:

My optimism doesn’t come out of thin air. A flask is involved.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.

Making waves on WeChat:

Feeling guilty for taking up the entire therapy session talking about myself.

Sorry I missed your call, I was staring in horror at the screen, wondering why on earth you couldn’t just text me.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oops, my screen froze in panic mode, now my phone needs therapy! 📱😂💆‍♀️

call, communication, Earth, frustration, horror, humor, i, just, me, message, missed, missed call, phone, screen, sorry, staring, technology, text, text message, why, wondering

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My dogs don’t feel earthquakes because they have constant gas.

0

2 months ago

dogs, earthquakes, feel, gas, humor, pets
Thank god I played a lot of Tetris as a kid or I never would have been able to get everything into the freezer.

0

2 months ago

childhood, everything, freezer, gaming, gaming humor, God, humor, i, kid, never, nostalgia, organization, played, problem, problem-solving, solving, Tetris, thank
I don’t argue with idiots on the Internet, I just keep scrolling and mind my own business.

0

5 months ago

argue, argument, behavior, business, i, idiot, idiots, internet, just, keep, mind, minding, minding business, online, online behavior, own, scrolling
If you’ve never been hit with gay allegations, you’re not fly enough.

0

1 month ago

allegation, allegations, attitude, confidence, enough, fly, gay, gay allegation, hit, humor, identity, joke, never
Life hack: Confuse your doctor by putting on gloves at the same time he does.

0

2 months ago

activity, confuse, confusion, doctor, funny activity, glof, hack, humor, life, life hack, prank, putting, same, time
I prayed and accidentally mixed up God and Lord and said Gord. So embarrassing.

0

2 months ago

accidentally, embarrassing, God, Gord, humor, i, lord, mix-up, mixed, prayed, religion

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

25 shares on Facebook this month:

Captain America taught me that I just need to take performance enhancing drugs to be loved by everyone.

39 shares on Threads this month:

Forget mini pizzas. I want one so big it needs a forklift to rotate it.

74 shares on Facebook this month:

Sex is great, but have you ever started slowly picking up speed after sitting in a traffic jam?

96 shares on Instagram this month:

If you’re going to give me some food for thought, it had better be a pizza, or I’m out.

76 shares on Twitch this month:

The sound of rain outside when you’re in bed is elite.

21 shares on Snapchat this month:

Salt and pepper shakers add an air of mystique to any bathroom.

96 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Taylor Swift should write a song about when your sleeves keep rolling down every time you wash the dishes.

47 shares on TikTok this month:

The first two drinks don’t count if you have social anxiety, they just turn you into a normal person.

78 shares on Snapchat this month:

College core: you sit in the class for attendance, then go home and teach yourself.

58 shares on Snapchat this month:

Many people mistake me for an adult because of my age.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Do you ever think about how many people squeezed the avocado that you’re eating?

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

Why can’t they use deep fake technology for good instead of evil? Like taking Zoom meetings for you, stuff like that.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

You know what’s worse than someone’s phone alarm playing the tune over and over? Someone else who starts whistling along.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

Gonna tell my dentist that if I’m late, he should start without me.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

My dog just looked me in the eye and said “no one is gonna believe you”, then took a nap.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

I don’t even know what the Transformers are fighting about, to be honest.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

Can I sell my feelings on ebay, I don’t want them anymore.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

Pretty cool that we all come together on Christmas and celebrate the birth of Santa.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

If I’m ever in a coma, please put chapstick on my lips.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

I’m a total go with the flow kinda person as long as the flow is meticulously scheduled well in advance and there are no mid-flow changes whatsoever.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

Don’t forget, you are someone’s weird colleague.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Pornhub should do a wrap-up of your year like Spotify does.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Let me help you turn that software into hardware.

Seen just now on Discord:

No, baby, I’m not dumping you. I’m just rebranding myself as your ex.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I don’t want to be dramatic, but the work week continuously restarting is literally ruining my life.

Going viral on YouTube:

I’m at the age when riding around town, I say, “When did they build that?”

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I’m in favor of sticking an “out of order” sign on some people’s foreheads. As a warning.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Grandparents were right. Sitting in a chair, doing nothing, and staring at nature is incredible.

Making waves on Reddit:

I love when someone is telling a story and you can tell even from their version that they’re the villain.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Stop checking up on your friends, and check up on me.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry I missed your call, I was staring in horror at the screen, wondering why on earth you couldn’t just text me.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

My dogs don’t feel earthquakes because they have constant gas.

Thank god I played a lot of Tetris as a kid or I never would have been able to get everything into the freezer.

I don’t argue with idiots on the Internet, I just keep scrolling and mind my own business.

If you’ve never been hit with gay allegations, you’re not fly enough.

Life hack: Confuse your doctor by putting on gloves at the same time he does.

I prayed and accidentally mixed up God and Lord and said Gord. So embarrassing.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨