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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

Someone yelled “hey, retard!” and I looked back.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI take a 30-minute poop right after clocking in.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

Dear LOL, thanks for being there when I have nothing else to say.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

The only thing that could heal me is a memory loss.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

People who wear jeans for fun around their house have bodies buried in their backyard.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

I can relate to America, because I too am about to enter a depression.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

Being bi means you say both yay and bruh.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

I’m fairly certain the person who put the first “r” in February also decided how to spell Wednesday.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

I hate it when I’m outside, and an insect lands and crawls on my glasses, and for a split second, I think aliens have invaded.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

I’m surprised some of you are allowed out of your house on your own.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 20, 2026

3,680

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

Building a snowman so I can punch it in the face.

Spotted on Reddit:

We are both insane on the web, I think we can make it work.

Going viral on YouTube:

I called the cops on my own party, because I was ready to go to bed.

Just landed via Slack:

I wish other jobs let us solve issues by releasing diss tracks. Got some sick rhymes about Debbie from accounting and her poorly structured invoicing.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Big fan of the comma, just great. Like look, I just made you pause the sentence as you read it. Oh look, I just did it again.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

My ex texted me saying, “Hey, I miss you,” so I replied, “Sorry, I have zero bars — the past doesn’t have good reception.”

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Two things I learned yesterday: I’m not too old to sit in a beanbag chair, but I’m too old to get out of one.

Going viral on YouTube:

My ducks: in a row. My elephant: addressed. My eggs: several baskets. My bigger fish: fried.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

If they treat you like an option, leave them like a choice, and make your exit as dramatic as a Netflix season finale.

Trending via Snapchat:

If an alien is 60 million light years away and is watching us through a telescope, it will see dinosaurs.

Spending money is too easy. For my bank account’s sake, I need a bridge troll to ask me three riddles before I’m allowed to buy something.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
💸💡 "In order to protect your precious bank account from the dangers of impulsive spending, why not enlist the services of a wise old bridge troll? Their riddles will keep your wallet safe and your budget in check! Just remember, if the answer to the riddle is 'buy now, buy later, or buy never,' maybe reconsider that purchase! 🌉🧙‍♂️"

account, advice, ask, bank, bank account, before, bridge, bridge troll, buy, buying, easy, financial, financial advice, humor, i, me, money, need, riddles, something, spending, too, troll

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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55 shares on Telegram this month:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI send 5 emails a day and check their fantasy football line-ups on and off for 8 hours.

24 shares on X this month:

I was explaining to my Ukrainian colleague the phrase ‘There’s no such thing as a free lunch’. She told me the equivalent in Ukrainian is ‘The only free cheese is in the mousetrap’ — which is so much better.

67 shares on Facebook this month:

Sharks are orcs, dolphins are elves.

73 shares on Pinterest this month:

I wouldn’t describe myself as an “adult”, per se. More like a “long child”.

52 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Might mess around and reply, “That sounds like a you problem,” to every work email today.

35 shares on Instagram this month:

Are oranges called oranges because they are orange, or is the color orange called orange because an orange is orange?

71 shares on Slack this month:

Lie during your job interview because they’re lying to you about their great work environment.

88 shares on WeChat this month:

Thursday is really unnecessary. Today could’ve been Friday.

14 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’ve been a main character since birth.

70 shares on Discord this month:

And where did Mr. Pepper receive his degree from exactly?

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

No kids at my wedding. Gonna Uber the flower girl home when she’s done.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

No, I love darkness at 5pm and the death of a nation.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

You befriend a guy and a few days later he’s like “I wanna talk to you about something”. Please, God, let it be about the economy.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

One of the best examples of someone posing a question that they already know the answer to is the WeightWatchers website asking me if I accept cookies.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Buying books and reading them are actually two entirely different hobbies.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s literally no law that says you can’t put your friends down as your references and pretend they were your boss at an old job. Literally, there’s no law that says that.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they’re dead.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Girl cats get named after ancient goddesses and boy cats get named after Taco Bell menu items.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I think more people would actually heal from their trauma if they got revenge.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Not wearing glasses anymore, I’ve seen enough.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,667

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

If this meeting were any slower, it’d be a landscape painting.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

I bet my calculator app wrapped would be pretty shameful.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

I really don’t care what happens to me romantically anymore.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

In case of a disaster, women and children are being evacuated first so men can think about a solution in peace.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

Crazy that caffeine has no short or long-term negative side effects. Just a super drug from God.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Love those deep burps that instantly make me feel like I lost 10 lbs.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

Anyone who thinks things have got so bad that they can only get better is showing a remarkable lack of imagination.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

Every time I spend my own money, I feel like somebody needs to reimburse me.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

Look away from your laptop for 1 second, and MS Teams will say you left the country.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

When someone asks me why I’m leaving the party early, I say “I’m late for an appointment with my pajamas.”

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Twitch:

If you can’t handle me at my worst, then honestly, you’re missing out because that’s when my jokes and bits get really, really good.

Just shared via Instagram:

Does my career know that I’m pursuing it, or is it another one-sided relationship?

Making waves on Threads:

Bluesky honestly feels like a miracle where you take the most annoying people in the world and stick them in a broken elevator together.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Give us this day our daily internet validation.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Sometimes when I’m having a particularly stressful day, I take a pregnancy test to remind myself that at least one thing in my life is still going as planned.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Acting jealous while secretly cheating is a pure talent of witchcraft.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Foreplay is great, I particularly like the part where I peel them, chop them into pieces, then roast them in the oven until they’re all crispy and delicious.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

The secret ingredient to being really funny is childhood trauma.

Trending via Messenger:

Sleeping in is the most efficient way to find out which morning rituals you can actually do without.

Spotted on Discord:

It’s exciting to receive a Valentine’s Day card and not know who it’s from. A Father’s Day card, not so much.

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