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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

Once I matched with a guy and ended up finding out he lived in my neighborhood, so I told him to go outside and scream, and he did. And I heard it.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

I hate apps that shut off your music when you open them, like how fu*king important do you think you are?

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

I miss the days when you could simply end a phone call by slamming the receiver down angrily.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

You’re not going to believe this, but I was doing really well, and then your email found me.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

The class: “You want us to do what?” Super Mario: “Jump around, catch and eat the giant mushroom, bang your head against the crates and, if necessary, crush all the critters. It’sa easy!”

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

A storm knows it’s laced with destruction, and yet it rages on.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

My new phone is being delivered by Amazon, which means that I can track its movements for a day before it tracks mine for five years.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,787

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on YouTube:

Naps are tricky. Either you wake up relaxed and refreshed, or you have a headache, a dry throat and no idea what year it is.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

It turns out when someone asks who your favorite child is, you’re supposed to choose from your own. I know that now.

Breaking via TikTok:

Life hack: Allow yourself 8–12 hours of alone time every morning to prepare for the day.

Going viral on Reddit:

Got fired on my first day working at the drugstore for calling my new coworkers ‘my pharmily’.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Taking screenshots of the screenshots buried in my photo library to ‘bring them to the front.’ It’s not a great system, I admit.

Just landed via Slack:

I never knew how fast I could write until the teacher said pencils down.

Freshly posted on X:

First date idea: we deactivate your Instagram.

The best way to contact me is to meet me in my dreams at 3 a.m.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Can't wait for our 3 a.m. dream meeting! Don't forget to bring the dream snacks! 😴🍕✨"

3, am, best, contact, dreams, fantasy, humor, humor quote, imagination, late, late night, me, meet, night

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I refuse to go to a blood bank. I’m not taking your blood money.

1 month ago
bank, blood, humor, i, joke, money, pun, refusal, refuse
I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

1 month ago
20, aging, bad, bad eating habit, body, body image, eating, exercise, habit, habits, hate, humor, humorous, humorous observation, i, image, myself, no exercise, observation, picture, self-awareness, selfie, take
I would pay extra for a dental hygienist who was comfortable with silence.

1 month ago
awkward, awkward moments, care, comfort, comfortable, dental, dental care, dental hygienist, extra, extra pay, humor, hygienist, i, moments, pay, silence
I could be staring at my hand locking my front door, and I still won’t feel 100% sure my front door was locked.

4 weeks ago
anxiety, door, doubt, everyday, everyday life, feel, forgetfulness, front, front door, hand, humor, i, life, locked, locking, staring, still, sure
Unfortunately, the movie you want to watch is unavailable on your 13 streaming services. You can rent it for $2.99 though.

1 month ago
$2.99, entertainment, frustration, humor, irony, movie, rent, service, services, streaming, streaming service, unavailable, unfortunately, want, watch
Coffee is better when you have no work.

5 months ago
better, break, coffee, humor, leisure, relaxation, work

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

Not to brag, but I can trip over things that aren’t even there!

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

Therapy isn’t gonna cut it, I need vengeance.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

My daily routine. Morning: Feeling tired, cranky and lazy. Afternoon: I could go for a nap. Night: I can’t sleep.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

Lie during your job interview because they’re lying to you about their great work environment.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Memes are the most information-dense form of communication.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

Is it better to beat someone to the punch or punch someone to the beat?

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

All of my problems boil down to me being bad at being alive.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

Human interaction is a great way to learn all the new swear words your subconscious mind has come up with in the lab.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Was in a bookshop and asked a worker if he could recommend books to me. He said, ‘Sure, they’re great.’

Going viral on Pinterest:

I asked myself if I was the problem and we said no.

Shared recently on Discord:

Sleep well, middle finger—you’ve got a big day ahead of you tomorrow.

Spotted on Slack:

Whoever said “team work makes the dream work” needs to explain that to my many personalities.

Just shared via X:

I’m so broke, I owe myself money.

Just shared via Instagram:

Unless you fell off the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The best way to contact me is to meet me in my dreams at 3 a.m.

I refuse to go to a blood bank. I’m not taking your blood money.

I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

I would pay extra for a dental hygienist who was comfortable with silence.

I could be staring at my hand locking my front door, and I still won’t feel 100% sure my front door was locked.

Unfortunately, the movie you want to watch is unavailable on your 13 streaming services. You can rent it for $2.99 though.

Coffee is better when you have no work.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Nicknamed my iPhone Lois Lane because it doesn’t recognize me without my glasses on either.

Airports should have tattoo parlors for those of us with long layovers and poor impulse control.

Daffodil totally sounds like an insult, you blooming daffodil.

Ever feel like you’re adulting, but only on the outside? Inside, you’re just a kid hoping someone else will make dinner.

You can be anything. Be the person who ends meetings early.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

If you want to feel really bad about yourself, just start dating.

Fun prank: make people study for 16 years, and then don’t give them jobs.

In Star Wars, anyone can hop in any spaceship and knows how to fly it. I just spent 20 minutes trying to find the headlights in a rental car.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

The worst is when it’s too late to take a nap but too early to go to bed.

People really be like, “I would never do that to you,” and then do it with a remix.

Don’t ever let a recipe tell you how much cheese you need to add, everyone knows cheese is measured with the heart.

If you wanna make someone cry, just show them the earliest year they can retire.

You could be having a nice day and then somebody your own age says they bought a house.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

It’s ok to not have a Valentine on Valentine’s Day. I didn’t have a groundhog on Groundhog’s Day.

Maybe dogs are smarter than us because they found a way to get fed and housed without having to go to college and get a job.

I see posts like, “If food is too expensive, just grow your own.” Okay, Einstein, why didn’t I think of that?

There are too many neglected emojis.

On the surface: cool as a cucumber. On the inside: squirrel in traffic.

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The best way to contact me is to meet me in my dreams at 3 a.m.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I refuse to go to a blood bank. I’m not taking your blood money.

I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

I would pay extra for a dental hygienist who was comfortable with silence.

I could be staring at my hand locking my front door, and I still won’t feel 100% sure my front door was locked.

Unfortunately, the movie you want to watch is unavailable on your 13 streaming services. You can rent it for $2.99 though.

Coffee is better when you have no work.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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