Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

The great thing about having a mouse in your house is that I’m sure it’s just the one mouse, probably.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

Polish girls are just winter Latinas.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

If my memory gets any worse, I’ll be able to plan my own surprise party.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

The 5 seconds in the morning, when I don’t yet know who I am, is the best time of the day.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

The dumbest people have the loudest opinions on politics.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

Sorry, can’t go out tonight. My bed told me it needs me, and I can’t let it down.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

If you ever ask a teen to do something and they just say “sure” without arguing, check that they haven’t been replaced with an android.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

Booked an escape room but just to get away from everyone. No plans of escaping.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Dark mode changed me. White screens now feel like staring into the sun.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

I do believe TikTok saves the funniest videos for late at night. There’s no way.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,640

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Discord:

I hate when I finish a show and don’t know what to do with my life.

Trending via Reddit:

My weight loss journey is just the three hours in between meals.

Freshly posted on Threads:

It’s been a pleasure miscommunicating with you.

Just shared via Twitch:

I can’t explain it, but I am very bold and very shy at the same time.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

I need to stop saying “Oppa Gagnam Style!” to fill in awkward pauses in conversation.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I need a weighted blanket that won’t let me get out of bed in the morning.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I’m only grumpy when I’m awake.

Shared recently on Facebook:

“Love is in the air.” Wrong. Microplastics.

Going viral on WeChat:

Not to be a nerd, but a well-placed semicolon is hot as hell.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

They’re selling me on Temu tomorrow.

The hottest part of sex is when I take off my glasses and put them in a safe place.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Putting the sexy in spectacles—watch out, things are about to get blurry! 🤓🔥🚫

glasses, hottest, humor, i, intimacy, place, put, relationship, safe, safety, sex, take

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Remember, when asking for a raise, it is considered customary to be sober.

0

2 months ago

advice, asking, custom, humor, professionalism, raise, remember, sober, workplace
I didn’t go to the Carribean, my tan is from standing in front of the rotisserie chicken at Costco.

0

2 months ago

Caribbean, chicken, Costco, food, humor, i, joke, rotisserie, rotisserie chicken, shopping, standing, sunbathing, tan
Gonna start using “with all dude respect”.

0

2 months ago

dude, humor, language, respect, sarcasm, start
A big part of aging is accumulating keys and not knowing what they’re for.

0

2 months ago

aging, big, confusion, forgetfulness, growing, growing up, humor, keys, knowing, life, memory
Find someone who cares about you as much as Gmail cares about new devices signing into your account.

0

1 month ago

account, care, device, devices, Gmail, humor, much, new, new device, notification, relationship, security, sign, sign in, someone, technology
“I’ve been fantasizing about going back to bed since I woke up this morning.”

0

4 months ago

back, bed, fantasy, going, humor, i, morning, procrastination, sleep, tiredness, waking, waking up, woke

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

33 shares on Discord this month:

My last straw is way longer than I thought.

74 shares on Telegram this month:

I wonder what John Connor thinks now that everyone is embracing AI.

84 shares on Reddit this month:

This meeting could have been an AI summary.

83 shares on Discord this month:

I’m implementing a new policy in my house: any child who is awake past bedtime can either go to sleep or clean the house, no exceptions.

65 shares on YouTube this month:

Sometimes people come into your life — and they need to stop doing that.

27 shares on Snapchat this month:

Being a dog must be wild, everyone you meet is your masseuse.

97 shares on Instagram this month:

I have never read a Hacker News thread where any of the commenters seemed as if their life contained joy.

39 shares on TikTok this month:

Made it to Friday, but at what cost? Monday is literally in 20 minutes.

41 shares on Pinterest this month:

The grass is only greener on the other side because of all the bullshit on it.

42 shares on Discord this month:

“New recipe” is code for “less content, but worse ingredients”.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

That moment when you dip your cookie in milk for too long and it breaks off, then you wonder why bad things happen to good people.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

I was going to cause mischief tonight, but I climbed into my bed instead.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

They lie on the job descriptions, so lie on your resume.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

Everyone thinks they won’t be that couple that goes from ‘everything you do is a turn-on’ to ‘you’re breathing too loud,’ but they will be, oh, they will be.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Shorts should be half the price of pants.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

Today my coworker asked if I wanted to hold her new baby and neither of us were prepared for me saying why?

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

Recovering people pleasers will be like, “I’m in my villain era!” and it’s just politely drawing healthy boundaries.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

After having received my free sample of winter, I would like to cancel my subscription please.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

The second date is you watching me parallel park and trying not to have a stroke.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Threads:

When this multivitamin kicks in I’m going to do so much success.

Seen just now on Slack:

My body feels like it’s aging in dog years.

Seen just now on TikTok:

USPS tracking: Step 1: We don’t think it exists. Step 2: Delivered.

Breaking via X:

Posing for photos has to be the most basic thing I’m actually terrible at.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I’ll be honest. I can’t solve your problems. What I can do is create new, bigger problems that will make your current problems seem quaint by comparison.

Live now on Pinterest:

Hair is unwashed, so I obviously feel like I’m fundamentally unlovable.

Going viral on WeChat:

I’m not here to make friends, just noise.

Just landed via Threads:

The sound of a buzzing fly is enough to ruin my whole mood.

Just landed via Threads:

I assume my soulmate has sold his soul to the devil.

Just shared via YouTube:

What I’ve learned in all these years of marriage is how to open a bottle of beer silently.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The hottest part of sex is when I take off my glasses and put them in a safe place.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Remember, when asking for a raise, it is considered customary to be sober.

I didn’t go to the Carribean, my tan is from standing in front of the rotisserie chicken at Costco.

Gonna start using “with all dude respect”.

A big part of aging is accumulating keys and not knowing what they’re for.

Find someone who cares about you as much as Gmail cares about new devices signing into your account.

“I’ve been fantasizing about going back to bed since I woke up this morning.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨