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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

I’m busy watching the vegan couple next door arguing about the Big Mac wrapper I hid in their trash can.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

Being sleepy all day is just part of who I am.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

I, unfortunately, was born without any interest in Avatar.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

Ain’t no girls in my messages, just a bunch of verification codes.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

Making eye contact with strangers on the sidewalk and saying “it’s crazy that they just let me walk around, haha”.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

I don’t know why “you made your bed now lie in it” is a bad thing. It sounds great! I’ll even lie in a bed I didn’t make.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Life hack: Allow yourself 8–12 hours of alone time every morning to prepare for the day.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Good news: I only ate one slice of pizza. Bad news: I did that four times in a row.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

I just learned the professional way to say “I told you so”: “This was identified early on as a likely outcome.”

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

I didn’t like my beard at first… then it grew on me.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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17,765

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15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Situationship where the situation is being madly in love with each other.

Making waves on Threads:

Anyone know if we got the meek inheriting the Earth today?

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Welcome to your 40s! You’re gonna need several doctors, no matter how many apples.

Shared recently on X:

How do I even know this guy is my “boss”? I’ve just been taking his word for it.

Just landed via Discord:

My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell. Well, he actually said “less McDonald’s”, but I’m pretty sure I know what he meant.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Is ChatGPT down for anyone else? I’m a neurosurgeon in the middle of brain surgery.

Spotted on X:

Okay, this integrity isn’t going to compromise itself.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

The longer you go without something, the more comfortable you become without it. That goes for people, too.

Shared recently on Twitch:

They said don’t try this at home, so I’m coming over to your place.

Seen just now on Discord:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to cancel plans.

The only lesson I remember from the pandemic is that you’re only supposed to wash your hands if it’s your birthday.

2 months ago

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Guess I'll be staying perpetually young at heart, washing my hands like every day is my birthday! 🎂🧼🤣

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16 shares on WeChat this month:

Life is so exciting. I was in my bedroom and now I’m in the living room. Who knows where I’ll go next.

100 shares on Facebook this month:

Dear music, thanks!

56 shares on TikTok this month:

We’re putting that movie you love back in theaters on one random Wednesday — and we’re not gonna tell you until Tuesday.

91 shares on TikTok this month:

A Tinder type app, but it matches you with sandwiches.

61 shares on Facebook this month:

Can’t be sexting when you’re somewhat articulate. You just sound like a vampire.

95 shares on Threads this month:

We should be able to call in healthy: “I feel amazing today, and I’m not wasting it at work.”

98 shares on Discord this month:

Introducing WifeChat™, the app where you talk to your wife.

37 shares on YouTube this month:

Every person you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by asking if they’re drinking enough water.

18 shares on Reddit this month:

My credit score is a family of raccoons hissing over a McRib.

12 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m sick of getting woken up at 6am by the bin men. I just want a nice sleep but they always insist that I get out of the bin before they collect it.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

Of course there’s birth control for men. It’s called the way they act.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

Why did they call it an AI-generated picture and not a ‘fauxtograph’?

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

It’s a good thing that not everyone has a smartphone. We also need people who honk when the lights turn green.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

You know what’s worse than someone’s phone alarm playing the tune over and over? Someone else who starts whistling along.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

Sorry, my face wasn’t created to hide that much distain for what you’re saying.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

Hear me out, a Q-Tip that doesn’t bounce out the trash can when you throw it away.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

People don’t get slapped enough with empty gloves these days.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

The list of women who haven’t slept with me is really impressive.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

You don’t become cooler with age, but you do care progressively less about being cool, which is the only true way of being cool. This is called the Geezer’s Paradox.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

Girls really only want one simple thing; and that one thing is all of your attention.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

Super quick question: does anyone know what the point is?

Just shared via TikTok:

Back in the office this morning, trying to remember what I do for work.

Just landed via Facebook:

Me: This is my favorite. I would like to buy this exact same item of clothing again. The fashion industry: No.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

A haunted house, but every room is just learning more about Will & Jada.

Making waves on Telegram:

For the record, I use a turntable.

Live now on Twitch:

You should be able to call out of work if your partner is so cozy and warm in the morning.

Making waves on Instagram:

If you have ever spent an hour on Twitter then you understand why there’s such an urgency to create Artificial Intelligence.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Sleeping in in winter is really great, you still have about an hour of daylight left before it gets dark again.

Seen just now on Twitch:

My nephew asks so many questions that Alexa just told him it’s okay to bathe with the toaster.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Nothing like waking up on a Friday and finding out it’s Tuesday.

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Activity Log ✨

The only lesson I remember from the pandemic is that you’re only supposed to wash your hands if it’s your birthday.

I hope this email punches you square in the face.

Wait… if you’re circling back and I’m touching base, who the hell is monitoring the situation?

I suppose the supreme discipline for ninjas is sneaking up with flip flops.

I don’t always clear my calculator, but when I do, I hit both C and CE a bunch of times because I don’t know exactly what they do.

Shopping at the dollar store makes me feel rich and poor all at the same time.

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The only lesson I remember from the pandemic is that you’re only supposed to wash your hands if it’s your birthday.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Going to hack Kanye’s account and make him post something normal.

I hope this email punches you square in the face.

Wait… if you’re circling back and I’m touching base, who the hell is monitoring the situation?

I suppose the supreme discipline for ninjas is sneaking up with flip flops.

I don’t always clear my calculator, but when I do, I hit both C and CE a bunch of times because I don’t know exactly what they do.

Shopping at the dollar store makes me feel rich and poor all at the same time.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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