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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

The one thing I’ve never had in my car’s glove box is a pair of gloves.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

Who decided that “microwaves that beep forever” was a feature we needed.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

Going viral on X is like winning a lotto during the apocalypse.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

Everybody’s back hurts until it’s time to have sexy time.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

Apparently the term for migraine-sufferer is ‘migraneur.’ Nice getting recognition as a kind of artisan of suffering.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

Wiping my hands on my pants before I’m shaking someone’s hand, so they spend the rest of the day wondering what I just touched.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

Now if you’ll excuse me, today’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

Every room can be a room with a view when I’m in it.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Parallel lines have got so much in common, it’s a shame they’ll never meet.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

Don’t drink to forget me, you’ll end up seeing me double.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,624

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Telegram:

Statistically speaking, people don’t object enough at weddings.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Being abducted by aliens could be just the vacation I need right now.

Making waves on Pinterest:

The History Channel, because where else are you going to learn about how aliens were instrumental in the development of humanity?

Live now on YouTube:

Before the internet, people thought that there was only one idiot per town. We were so wrong.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

My sleep apnea was diagnosed at a staff meeting.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I don’t have any rizz but I do have snacks in my purse.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I think being a hopeless romantic is giving me brain damage.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Imagine hating on me and I’m just sitting there in the corner, in the spotlight, losing my religion.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

If you’re tired of “food” and want to try something a bit more sophisticated, may I recommend “cuisine”?

Going viral on Facebook:

It sucks when a woman realizes that her knight in shining armor was actually just a moron wrapped in tinfoil.

Unless I ask, I genuinely don’t care to hear other people’s opinions on my life. It’s almost a pet peeve, really.

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Unless I ask, I genuinely don’t care to hear other people’s opinions on my life. It’s almost a pet peeve, really.
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Commentary:
Sounds like you need a "No unsolicited advice" sign! 😂✋🛑

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

27 shares on Snapchat this month:

Oh, you’re in a situationship? Which one are you, the liar or the loser?

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Today’s book recommendation: “The Art of Silence” by the famous Chinese philosopher Shut-Up.

52 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Dear phone, if you didn’t light up so many times to tell me you had a low battery, you wouldn’t have died so quickly!

60 shares on Slack this month:

If you have gray in your beard, you can hit it.

61 shares on Telegram this month:

My name is Bob but my friends don’t call me.

10 shares on Threads this month:

The Wi-Fi stops working for 2 minutes, and suddenly I start thinking about life.

32 shares on Reddit this month:

My only regret is not leaving people alone the first time they moved funny.

41 shares on Facebook this month:

Sorry to any bands who see me yawn during their show. It’s not you, it’s just past 10pm.

49 shares on YouTube this month:

You’re an adult. You can do what you want. Wait…You have kids? Never mind.

42 shares on Twitch this month:

My toxic trait is thinking I deserve a vacation… while still on vacation.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

When you clean your room so well that the only trash left is you.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I think my leftovers are old enough to throw themselves away.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Sailors wish they could swear like me.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

My parents told me I could be anything I wanted so I became unacceptable.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Guy who normally applauds when the plane lands right before the pilot crashes it: “Boo!”

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Is it okay for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school, or am I just a terrible teacher?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Went to the gym two days in a row. This is a fitness account now.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Womansplaining is when a woman tries to explain to you what you’re thinking/feeling, and is just totally 100% wrong.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I couldn’t work at a zoo. I’d have a penguin in my car by the end of the shift.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

There is no ‘we’ in ‘food’.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,647

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

I will never fall victim to groupthink. I have perfectly unique opinions that no one else has, and they are the dumbest nonsense you’ve ever heard.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

Is ChatGPT down for anyone else? I’m a cardiac surgeon in the middle of heart surgery.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

We are both insane on the web, I think we can make it work.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

It’s perfectly normal if you want to watch an actor’s entire filmography because you find them attractive. Don’t let anyone stop you.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

Presumably, if you had a time machine, you could just kill young adult Hitler. The baby part seems gratuitous.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

Can we all agree that Mini Cooper drivers need to put an extended flag on the back of their cars so the stalls where they’re parked stop looking empty?

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Sorry I lied when I said “I can’t complain.”

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

Spent the day decorating the house for Christmas and my wife spent the day re-decorating the house for Christmas.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

Not now darling, mummy’s influencing on the www.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

Unfollowing high school people really is a form of self-care.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

If people continue to behave so badly, I will donate my organs to an animal shelter.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Dollar Tree need to just go ahead and change the name to Tree of Unexpected Prices.

Trending via Facebook:

Went to the hairdresser today and now I look much younger. I’m thinking about going back tomorrow.

Making waves on Messenger:

Want to lose weight for the summer? Don’t worry, just check in your luggage at the airport. You’ll never see those pounds again.

Live now on Telegram:

Date idea: We watch Breaking Bad and break your bed.

Going viral on Discord:

Super excited about a brand new week of questioning all my life choices.

Breaking via Telegram:

How dare this person in traffic hold me up for seconds on the way to a place that doesn’t require my immediate presence?

Shared recently on X:

They should invent a January that doesn’t drain your will to live.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I bought some old lady reading glasses as a lark, a laugh, and now my eyes don’t hurt. This isn’t what I wanted.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I’ve never found a “Remember Me” checkbox that works. Nothing remembers me.

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