Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

The good old days, when you didn’t have to charge your watch and it didn’t constantly remind you how fat you were.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

Squirrels get most of their energy from chewing on powerlines, that acorn thing is just for show.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

Imagine earning a science degree then having to be a meteorologist who announces the prophecy of a groundhog.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

I may be a chaotic mess, but then so is quantum physics.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

The sexual orientation where you’re attracted to both and men and women but they’re not attracted to you is called Bi-yourself.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

Asking for a cigarette, then adding it to my own pack.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

The lion does not concern himself with the few small drops of pee that got on his boxers at the urinal even after he did a few shakes to be sure.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

The horror: “Come on, I’ll introduce you to everyone.”

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

Oh, how much I love a Sunday when you don’t have to work the next day.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

The T in depression stands for the therapy places that are immediately available.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,309

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Standing like a flamingo at my kitchen counter eating watermelon is such a vibe.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Taking Adderall before going to lay on the beach so I can focus more on having a good time.

Spotted on Threads:

You can always gauge my mood by the type of animal videos I share: sweet puppy videos or a cat smacking the shit out of someone.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

The feminine urge to be the most feared witch in the village.

Going viral on Telegram:

Prime numbers are so cunty. Like okay, diva — only divisible by yourself?

Live now on TikTok:

For someone who loves to sleep so much, you’d think I’d go to bed earlier.

Shared recently on WeChat:

My talents include sneaking out of work early on a Friday.

Going bananas on Reddit:

She doesn’t want flowers, she wants to invoke an ancient curse.

Spotted on Slack:

If Stranger Things was British, it would be called ‘Bit odd, innit?’

Spotted on Facebook:

The first time I saw a kiwi I thought it’s a potato with fur.

When you split a dessert, the waiter should bring two forks and one of those chess clocks you smack to let the other person know it’s their turn.

6 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Counting calories and seconds! 🍰⏱️ Is it my turn yet? 🤔

bring, chess, chess clock, clock, clocks, dessert, dining, fork, humor, joke, know, let, person, should, smack, turn, waiter

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Kids don’t love anything as much as they love arguing with each other.

0

2 months ago

anything, arguing, argument, family, humor, kid, kids, love, much, sibling
A wise man once said: “Yes, darling. You’re right.”

0

2 months ago

agreement, communication, dialogue, humor, man, marriage, relationship, right, sarcasm, wisdom, yes
My laundry is done, but I don’t even want it anymore. The washing machine can keep it.

0

3 months ago

chores, done, even, humor, i, keep, laundry, laziness, machine, procrastination, want, washing, washing machine
Did you get the telepathic message I sent earlier?

0

2 months ago

communication, earlier, humor, i, joke, message, mind, mind reading, reading, telepathy
I feel sorry for non-glasses wearers. They’ll never know the joy of cleaning them and suddenly being upgraded to the UHD package.

0

2 months ago

being, cleaning, feel, glasses, humor, i, joy, know, never, package, perspective, sorry, UHD, upgrade, vision
“American Pope” sounds like the name of an Amazon prime original series you ignore.

0

2 months ago

Amazon, Amazon Prime, American, culture, entertainment, humor, ignore, media, name, original, parody, pop, pop culture, Pope, prime, satire, series, sery, sounds, wordplay

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

30 shares on Facebook this month:

Maybe one day a street will be named after me. Or a school. Or a mental hospital.

79 shares on Snapchat this month:

Put my too-weak notice in at the gym.

99 shares on WeChat this month:

No one is excited to see me in shorts except mosquitoes.

21 shares on TikTok this month:

Are you ever so happy to be in bed, you wish you could be even more in bed than you already are?

52 shares on Snapchat this month:

Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.

39 shares on Slack this month:

Hmm, that’s a bit too harsh. Let me put “lol” at the end of it.

60 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Welcome to your 40s: you’re not exhausted, that’s just your face now.

74 shares on X this month:

Am I finishing my education or is my education finishing me?

68 shares on Facebook this month:

You may think no one is there for you, but there’s laundry. Laundry is always there for you.

20 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I only squeak when I’m squoken to.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

Why is it called Christian community and not Holyfans?

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

I hate when I’m trying to spell a word, and my phone can’t do it either.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

If I were you, I would rather be me.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

Balloons are so weird. “Happy birthday, here’s a plastic sack of my breath.”

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

Congress taking an entire month off in a country where most people don’t get more than 2 weeks’ vacation is awesome.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

It’s perfectly normal if you want to watch an actor’s entire filmography because you find them attractive. Don’t let anyone stop you.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Find someone who looks at you the way I look at a cheeseburger.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Nothing tops a plain pizza.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

I’m going to be real with you. My dinners lately are just sort of me throwing things into a pot like a witch in a cartoon.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

Being single only sucks when you’re a little drunk and really want to flirt.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WhatsApp:

It’s amazing how so many people can rave about Star Wars or Star Trek and at the same time make sure that the only realistic future prospect is Mad Max.

Spotted on Reddit:

Unfortunately, I do enjoy watching the downfall of people who did me wrong.

Spotted on YouTube:

They should invent a January that doesn’t drain your will to live.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

have one of those big paintings with the eyeholes cut out, but I don’t have anyone to spy on, so I just watch TV through it.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

My favorite part of my workday is when I grab my shit and leave.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

When you split a dessert, the waiter should bring two forks and one of those chess clocks you smack to let the other person know it’s their turn.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Kids don’t love anything as much as they love arguing with each other.

A wise man once said: “Yes, darling. You’re right.”

My laundry is done, but I don’t even want it anymore. The washing machine can keep it.

Did you get the telepathic message I sent earlier?

I feel sorry for non-glasses wearers. They’ll never know the joy of cleaning them and suddenly being upgraded to the UHD package.

“American Pope” sounds like the name of an Amazon prime original series you ignore.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨