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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

Babies will literally step on your face just to grab what they want.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

My friends put their kid to bed and then made us ice cream sundaes, which is exactly what I assumed was happening when my parents put me to bed.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

I need an app that deletes my number from other people’s phones.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

Hey, are you an aurora borealis or why am I waiting in vain for you to appear?

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

This gingerbread house isn’t even close to fire safety codes.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

Customers will say shit like, “Uhh, it’s asking me to remove my card?”

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

I only buy cookware with the handles that somehow get hotter than the pot itself.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

The world would be a much nicer place if we just turn off the news.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

I don’t drink alcohol. I like suffering raw.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

217 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,486

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,486

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,517

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

There aren’t enough hours in the day for me to do absolutely nothing.

Just landed via Facebook:

For whom the Fetty Waps.

Making waves on Telegram:

Of course I stay hydrated. Carbohydrated.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Glasses don’t make you look smart, everyone knows you had to fail a test to get them.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Not wearing glasses anymore, I’ve seen enough.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Girl talk is my favorite. You go from discussing goals to talking about shoes, to hating men, to planning a trip in six minutes.

Just landed via Threads:

Some days you just feel like a hotel microwave. You’re here, but you don’t have enough power to actually do anything.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

This place was really tidy yesterday. It’s a shame you missed it.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I think my dog always follows me to the bathroom because I always follow him outside and he thinks that’s the way it works.

Just landed via Pinterest:

The hard part about dating is finding someone who’s mentally ill enough to understand you, but not mentally ill enough to ruin your life.

When you split a dessert, the waiter should bring two forks and one of those chess clocks you smack to let the other person know it’s their turn.

6 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Counting calories and seconds! 🍰⏱️ Is it my turn yet? 🤔

bring, chess, chess clock, clock, clocks, dessert, dining, fork, humor, joke, know, let, person, should, smack, turn, waiter

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Hello bedtime my old friend, my brain is laughing once again.

0

2 months ago

again, bedtime, brain, friend, hello, humor, laughing, night, old, once, sleep, thoughts
Preparing for the apocalypse by becoming fluent in zombie.

0

3 months ago

apocalypse, fluency, humor, language, preparation, survival, zombie
Asking Santa Claus for nudes.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, asking, Christmas, holiday, humor, joke, nudes, request, Santa
If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?

0

2 months ago

animals, eat, food, God, humor, joke, meat, philosophy
Christmas is coming and you’re not.

0

2 months ago

absence, anticipation, Christmas, coming, holiday, humor
Stop being so boyfriendable if you can’t be my boyfriend.

0

2 months ago

being, boyfriend, boyfriendable, dating, expectations, fun, humor, love, relationship, stop

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

48 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sometimes I apologize to my car when I hit a pothole.

28 shares on Snapchat this month:

I like my bacon like I like my men, slightly burnt and crispy, and probably killing me slowly.

38 shares on Snapchat this month:

Robots eating a bowl of cereal that’s actually a bunch of nuts and bolts, you don’t see that as much anymore.

25 shares on Instagram this month:

Have you ever met someone and thought that you couldn’t wait to spend the rest of your life without them?

66 shares on Facebook this month:

Why do women complain about size but moan when fingered?

28 shares on Slack this month:

4 out 3 people struggle with math.

50 shares on Discord this month:

Hear me out, a Q-Tip that doesn’t bounce out the trash can when you throw it away.

42 shares on Messenger this month:

I really hope my house is haunted and not in need of structural repairs.

78 shares on WeChat this month:

I hate listening to a rapper that I used to adore, and they just don’t have it anymore.

16 shares on X this month:

Looking to sell my DeLorean. Great shape, low mileage. Only driven from time to time.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

Why are so many people going everywhere whenever I have to go anywhere?

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

Idiocracy wasn’t supposed to be a documentary.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

I wonder whatever happened to the tiny dogs all of those terrible women were carrying around in their purses.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

In English we say: “You changed.” But in poetry we say: “You became a stranger wearing the face I used to love, and I am haunted by the ghost of who you were.”

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

Having a kid is so fun when you’re childish, like yeah, it’s my turn with the slime, boo.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

Remember when tweets were like: party rocking with a mouse tonight. Piece of cheese gonna have a big bite.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

Authentic isn’t automatically good. You could be an authentic douchebag.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

My boyfriend moved in with me straight from Hotel Mama. In a way, I’m now a single parent.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

I need you to think about me 23/7. You get 1 hour a day for yourself.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

Not really interested in anything that isn’t everything.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

My favorite part of parenting is being exhausted all the time and losing the will to live.

Spotted on Twitch:

Airports should have tattoo parlors for those of us with long layovers and poor impulse control.

Seen just now on Messenger:

There used to be many different names for the childhood game of knocking on doors and running away. But these days, it’s simply referred to as ‘being an Amazon driver’.

Just landed via YouTube:

Online shopping gives me a reason to live for another 3-5 business days.

Just landed via Telegram:

My superpower is always picking the line at the grocery store that moves the slowest.

Just landed via Pinterest:

The females who don’t go through phones will definitely find out through dreams.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Japanese cats answering the phone be like, “Meowshi meowshi.”

Just landed via Slack:

I tried yoga once. I pulled a hamstring and my dignity.

Spreading quickly via X:

I feel like this holiday season, it’s important to remind people of the true meaning of Christmas: ghosts terrorizing rich people in the middle of the night until they agree to pay their employees more.

Just landed via Discord:

If the math problems are too difficult for me, I post them online and write: “Only 1 in 10 can solve this problem.”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

When you split a dessert, the waiter should bring two forks and one of those chess clocks you smack to let the other person know it’s their turn.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Hello bedtime my old friend, my brain is laughing once again.

Preparing for the apocalypse by becoming fluent in zombie.

Asking Santa Claus for nudes.

If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?

Christmas is coming and you’re not.

Stop being so boyfriendable if you can’t be my boyfriend.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨