Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

“Damn, you’re tight!” I whisper as I look at my monthly budget.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

Sorry if my posts have any typos, it’s because I’m driving.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

Genies are a myth perpetuated by creepy lamps who just want to get rubbed more.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

The best part about getting added to a group chat is leaving two weeks later.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

The real hack is pouring all that lover girl energy into yourself.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

I applied for a job and got it, and now I really have to go there. Crap!

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

Saying “You’re tearing this family apart” whenever someone argues with me.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

I welcome change as long as nothing is altered or different than before.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

If your coffee shop has a passive-aggressive ‘no Wi-Fi, pretend it’s the old days’ sign, I’m gonna smoke in there and pay 50 cents for coffee.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

Books are so cool because there are no bloody ads in them.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

218 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,487

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,487

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,629

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Telegram:

“Comparison is the thief of joy!” Well, not if you’re better than everyone else.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

In banana years, I am bread.

Live now on Messenger:

I say things I don’t mean on spicy chicken.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Fifty shades of I miss you.

Live now on Instagram:

Another beautiful day without using sin, tan and cos.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Sorry, can’t go out tonight. My bed told me it needs me, and I can’t let it down.

Going bananas on TikTok:

I’m retired. I was tired yesterday and I’m tired again today.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I had a heated but interesting discussion today and they even agreed with me at the end. That’s exactly why I love talking to myself.

Going viral on X:

Actors in black and white movies were often putting their lives in danger during driving scenes, as they weren’t able to tell if the traffic light was red or green.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.

When you split a dessert, the waiter should bring two forks and one of those chess clocks you smack to let the other person know it’s their turn.

6 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Counting calories and seconds! 🍰⏱️ Is it my turn yet? 🤔

bring, chess, chess clock, clock, clocks, dessert, dining, fork, humor, joke, know, let, person, should, smack, turn, waiter

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I like my Jims slim and my chances fat.

0

2 months ago

chances, fat, humor, i, irony, Jim, preferences, slim
Did it hurt when you forgot your headphones and couldn’t romanticize your walk home?

0

2 months ago

awkward, compliment, forget, forgot, headphone, headphones, home, humor, hurt, romance, romanticize, walk, walk home
They won’t teach you this in school, but life is all about going to weird little diners.

0

3 months ago

advice, diner, experience, food, going, humor, life, little, school, teach, weird
Which wine pairs best with WWIII?

0

2 months ago

apocalypse, best, beverage, comedy, dark, dark humor, humor, joke, satire, war, wine, WWIII
Never cry at the weekend. Cry at work, at least then you’ll get paid for it.

0

2 months ago

cry, humor, job, laughter, least, never, paid, productivity, weekend, work
Inventor of pink lemonade: yes, exactly the same, but cute and for the girls.

0

2 months ago

beverage, branding, cute, exactly, girls, humor, inventor, inventors, lemonade, pink, pink lemonade, playful, same, yes

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

28 shares on Pinterest this month:

Went to HR to complain about my coworkers but my mom said she can’t fire my kids.

34 shares on X this month:

Sane is boring.

22 shares on Reddit this month:

Santa has the right idea: only visit people once a year, eat a snack, leave early.

72 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Have you tried making guacamole about it?

45 shares on Telegram this month:

Toddlers: I’ve licked everything so everything is mine now.

38 shares on Telegram this month:

You get what you pay for. Unless the delivery man leaves it on your doorstep. Then the fastest person on your street gets what you paid for.

24 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Girls won’t admit it, but they don’t like super fine dudes; they like medium ugly, funny dudes that dress nice.

28 shares on Snapchat this month:

I love when my husband says, “correct me if I’m wrong,” like I would pass up that opportunity.

92 shares on Snapchat this month:

My grandmother is a shining example of how you can live until 90 years of age, sustained by nothing but spite and biscuits.

59 shares on X this month:

“It’s not that deep!” Well, I have a shovel and I enjoy digging for meaning.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

Flying bugs can basically go anywhere they want, but still choose to fly right into your face.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

Lasagna has never broken my heart. Just saying.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

Maturing is when you’d rather drink your bourbon half-naked on the couch than go out.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

Date night idea: fight another couple.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

In your 20s, you’ll meet a short man. It’s very important you jump over him.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

I always make sure the garage door is shut. Wouldn’t want hoodlums stealing the stuff I’ve been meaning to get rid of for years.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

I caught two kids smoking pot outside my office. Fifteen minutes later, my boss caught me and two kids smoking pot outside my office.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

My greatest joy in life is when a friend reads a book I recommend. My greatest frustration in life is when they don’t read it fast enough.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Ask your girlfriend for her ring size and then give her a personalized bowling ball.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

It’s too bad he never woke up and chose violence. “Bob Ross, mob boss” has a nice ring to it.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on TikTok:

Do you laugh at your own jokes, or are you emotionally stable?

Going viral on Twitch:

Unfollowing high school people really is a form of self-care.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Who needs therapy when you can just cry in a fast-food parking lot.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.

Just landed via WeChat:

Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she won’t notice. Call her fat once and she will never forget. That’s because elephants never forget.

Broadcasted on X:

You can never really “own” earbuds. You just have to appreciate the time you had together.

Trending via Instagram:

Growing up, I didn’t think the expensive addiction that would ruin me would be Heinz ketchup, but here we are.

Seen just now on Threads:

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

Shared recently on X:

I prayed and accidentally mixed up God and Lord and said Gord. So embarrassing.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

If I had a boyfriend, I’d put him in a snow globe and shake it really hard.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

When you split a dessert, the waiter should bring two forks and one of those chess clocks you smack to let the other person know it’s their turn.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I like my Jims slim and my chances fat.

Did it hurt when you forgot your headphones and couldn’t romanticize your walk home?

They won’t teach you this in school, but life is all about going to weird little diners.

Which wine pairs best with WWIII?

Never cry at the weekend. Cry at work, at least then you’ll get paid for it.

Inventor of pink lemonade: yes, exactly the same, but cute and for the girls.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨