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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say “I know it’s hard, but you’ll be okay. Here’s a coffee and a million dollars.”

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

They should make a Wikipedia for normal people. I should be able to google my barista.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

More often than not, I read applause as applesauce.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

God knew I’d be too powerful if He made me not annoying to women.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

If you get injured playing peekaboo, you end up in the ICU.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

God, please — if you don’t want someone to love me, at least make me a millionaire.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

Sorry I can’t carpool to work. That’s the time I use to angry scream.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

Heelys don’t have brakes because my swag rides forever.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

I want a small, tasteful wedding. No family. No friends. No groom. Just me eating a big cake.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Getting to know someone these days is impossible. No one is really single, everyone has something going on, is hung up on their ex or is otherwise damaged in some way.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,353

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

Vegetables are actually pretty good when they’re fried.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Just emerged from my Y2K bunker. Everybody okay?

Just shared via Snapchat:

The first person to see a peacock spread his tail probably had a heart attack.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Best tips for saving money: lay down and don’t move.

Just shared via X:

The phone is the most evil screen. The computer is somewhat evil, but less so than the phone. The TV is benevolent.

Just landed via Telegram:

I know I’m almost 40 because I had a few drinks last night and woke up this morning thinking: Oh no I bought so many socks online last night.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I don’t get enough credit for acting far less crazy than I actually am.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I just looked over at my new shoes and the box says “vegan”. I’ve never had to feed my other shoes before.

Shared recently on Threads:

Date idea: We watch Breaking Bad and break your bed.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Ok, new plan, I’m gonna marry a Kardashian.

Being depressed is so embarrassing. It’s like, look at me, guys. I have nothing positive to say, and I make everything miserable.

5 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about feeling down and embarrassing oneself with negativity.

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Putting the "fun" in dysfunction! 😅🙃 #MasterOfPessimism

being, depressed, depression, embarrassing, embarrassment, everything, guys, health, humor, i, me, mental, mental health, miserable, misery, negativity, nothing, positive, say, self-awareness

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23 shares on Reddit this month:

The night is dark and full of terrors. My day is long and full of meetings. Same thing.

12 shares on Snapchat this month:

Taking the day off to brush up on conspiracy theories and really get this Thanksgiving party started.

43 shares on Snapchat this month:

The earlier you wake up, the more time you have to think about why you wish you were still asleep in bed.

66 shares on X this month:

My favorite pastime is looking for meaning where there is none.

17 shares on Facebook this month:

The folks who write fragrance commercials must be like “I had the weirdest dream, Imma put it on TV.”

100 shares on Discord this month:

If you ever find yourself as a houseguest for an extended period of time, here is the golden rule for success: invisible by day, charming by night.

98 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My bed has a stronger influence on me than my ambitions.

95 shares on Snapchat this month:

I am absolutely delicious, and I hate how mosquitoes know it.

46 shares on Instagram this month:

IKEA assembly instructions should come with a glossary of Swedish swear words.

37 shares on Messenger this month:

Just a little reminder to laugh as much as you can, stay hydrated, and don’t let shitty people kill your vibe.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

Life is weird and then you die.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

I was going to learn to play the violin, but it was too much of a commitment. I wanted something with no strings attached.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

I hate liars, but what I hate more is when they think I’m an idiot and won’t find out the truth.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Whoever told you there’s no such thing as a stupid question lied.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

Can’t. Inventing new things to worry about.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

It’s just a matter of time until they add “syndrome” after my name.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

They’re calling me the unemployee of the month.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

I made coffee and carried it to the couch. I’ve done everything I had planned for this Sunday.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

To think that billions in venture capital have been deployed because it was annoying to copy and paste from ChatGPT.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

When I hear the word “horror”, the first thing I think of is bills, not Halloween.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Threads:

My therapist says I’m preoccupied with revenge. She’s going to regret that.

Going viral on X:

A person becomes 10 times more attractive not by their looks but by photoshop.

Going viral on Discord:

Forgetting how to clean the dishes and shooting them with a gun.

Trending via Slack:

Used to wonder why my parents couldn’t grasp technology, but now, anytime I see something new, I’m like, “I’m not learning that.”

Trending via Facebook:

Hey man, your fly is down. Let me get that for you.

Going viral on X:

The final stage of being single is when you listen to a love song and no one comes to mind; at that point, you’ve achieved absolute singularity.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Two things I learned yesterday: I’m not too old to sit in a beanbag chair, but I’m too old to get out of one.

Just shared via Telegram:

The first 120 hours after the weekend are always the worst.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I’m not lazy. I just give my couch the love it deserves.

Seen just now on X:

Just saw the fattest bird. This guy must get up early as hell.

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Activity Log ✨

Being depressed is so embarrassing. It’s like, look at me, guys. I have nothing positive to say, and I make everything miserable.

Just when you’ve built some confidence that you’re a smarter than average human, universe sends you captcha.

Laptops become possessed with slowness when they see that you are in a hurry.

This site could use some more people who like to argue about literally anything.

Are they honking at me because I’m cute or because I can’t drive.

I feel sorry for dogs. They learnt to fetch newspapers, but newspapers are dying. Killed by an internet driven by cats.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Being depressed is so embarrassing. It’s like, look at me, guys. I have nothing positive to say, and I make everything miserable.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Just when you’ve built some confidence that you’re a smarter than average human, universe sends you captcha.

Laptops become possessed with slowness when they see that you are in a hurry.

This site could use some more people who like to argue about literally anything.

You’re in his DMs, so am I, but I am way funnier.

Are they honking at me because I’m cute or because I can’t drive.

I feel sorry for dogs. They learnt to fetch newspapers, but newspapers are dying. Killed by an internet driven by cats.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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