Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Evenings after work finish too quickly, one meal, one show, and it’s already tomorrow morning.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

No parenting book prepares you for the stank of your kid’s soccer bag.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

The worst part of a fender bender is having to get out of your car and meet a new person.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

Weird me out? No. You’ve weirded me in. Let’s merge souls.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

God knew I would be too powerful if I had conversation skills.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

I tell it like it is: Sometimes I watch the calls on my cell phone and just wait for it to stop ringing.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

Why is it cute when a baby falls asleep clutching a bottle. Yet, when I do it, it’s “concerning”?

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

I would be more patient if it didn’t take so long.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

My neighbor told me he heard me having sex this morning. I was putting on my shoes.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

If you listen to my husband snore, you don’t need Jurassic Park anymore.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

300 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,569

Funny Quotes Topics

17,627

Funny Quotes Images

15,569

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,468

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I wish I had the determination of my wife, who’s still flipping through radio stations as we pull into our driveway.

Making waves on TikTok:

Police cars should play ice cream truck music when they’re pulling you over for something minor.

Spotted on Discord:

“I’m giving my daughter a male name, ain’t nobody cracking an Abdul.”

Trending via Threads:

With great power comes a great electricity bill.

Live now on WhatsApp:

White elephant: Nothing brings people together like fighting over absolute garbage.

Live now on Threads:

I have information that will lead to where your hug is at.

Breaking via Pinterest:

It sucks that crazy people ruined wearing tinfoil hats for those of us that just did it for fashion purposes.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

If you’re going to be weird, be confident about it.

Trending via WeChat:

It’s quite ironic that “strap on,” backwards, spells “no parts.”

Going viral on TikTok:

Really just want to meet someone who knows what songs not to talk over.

Being depressed is so embarrassing. It’s like, look at me, guys. I have nothing positive to say, and I make everything miserable.

6 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Putting the "fun" in dysfunction! 😅🙃 #MasterOfPessimism

being, depressed, depression, embarrassing, embarrassment, everything, guys, health, humor, i, me, mental, mental health, miserable, misery, negativity, nothing, positive, say, self-awareness

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

A really good magician could be living in your house and you would never know.

2 months ago

good, house, humor, illusion, know, living, magic, magician, mystery, never, secret, surprise, unexpected
Noam Chomsky sounds like the legal name of the very hungry caterpillar.

2 months ago

caterpillar, chomsky, food, humor, hungry, hungry caterpillar, legal, literature, name, names, noam, Noam Chomsky, wordplay
Introverts be like “I know a place”, then go home.

2 months ago

home, i, introvert, know, place, social
My parents grew to like my girlfriend so much, they take her as their own daughter. Now they started looking for a proper boyfriend for her.

6 months ago

boyfriend, daughter, family, girlfriend, humor, looking, much, own, parents, proper, relationship, started, take
“November Rain” is just 9 minutes of me realizing I’m too dramatic to date someone with healthy coping skills.

2 months ago

9, coping, coping skill, date, dramatic, emotional, healthy, humor, just, me, minutes, November, November Rain, rain, relationship, self-awareness, skill, skills, someone, too
I’ve been closer to death than a stable relationship.

6 months ago

closer, dating, death, humor, love, relationship, sarcasm, stable

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

17 shares on Telegram this month:

I miss them days if you couldn’t rap, you didn’t.

63 shares on Snapchat this month:

After having a week off, my boss returns to work today. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.

73 shares on WeChat this month:

Just blocked everyone who is not in my gang so if you’re reading this, we’re robbing a bank in 12 minutes.

39 shares on Telegram this month:

Hug your children as often as you can. They can’t break things during this time.

71 shares on Reddit this month:

Worst part of a corporate job is no tips. Someone should slip you a $20 if you write a killer email.

58 shares on Messenger this month:

Women are like a fitted sheet. No matter what you do or how hard you try, they just never seem to cooperate.

56 shares on Reddit this month:

Born to say “Who the hell raised you to be this stupid.” Forced to work in groups.

23 shares on WeChat this month:

If a demon ever possessed me, I’d just sit back and say, “Your problem now.”

18 shares on Discord this month:

All we needed to be happy in the 90s was music and cigarettes.

59 shares on Instagram this month:

Not a fan of frozen pizza. Too cold, in my opinion.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

How dare you? I’m literally the sweetest most rage filled person on earth.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

If you occasionally blow on your bourbon during a Zoom meeting, the other folks will think you’re enjoying a hot cup of tea.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

Weird. I’m the only one naked at this gender reveal party.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

“Still gangsta” I whisper to myself as I drink my chamomile tea with a heating pad on my back.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

A McRib killed my tapeworm.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

Money saved by using public transport instead of an Uber is paid for with your time and mental health instead.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

The first person to see a peacock spread his tail probably had a heart attack.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

Raise your hand if you’ve ever tried to breathe quieter while walking up a hill so strangers didn’t call 911.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

Incorrectly is the only word that, when spelled correctly, is still spelled incorrectly.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Masturbation is easy, but choosing a video is hard.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

Yes, I’ve gained weight. Too many people wanted to have sex with me. It was annoying.

Breaking via Facebook:

The problem with self-checkout is that all the cashiers are idiots.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

He’s called James Cameron because he turns the camera on.

Trending via Snapchat:

“Well at least I don’t have to wake up any more.” Is what I want my tombstone to say.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Life hack: You can turn your ordinary sofa into a sofa bed by simply forgetting your wife’s birthday.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

My future wife is probably fake laughing at her boyfriend’s lame jokes right now. Be patient, Queen, a true clown is on the way.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

My cold is worse than yours because it’s happening to me.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Getting married soon. Just need a spouse.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Walking into someone’s house with healthy, thriving houseplants everywhere: “Oh, I see you dabble in witchcraft!”

Trending via WhatsApp:

Don’t fall for me — I’ll treat you right, and you’ll get bored and cheat.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Being depressed is so embarrassing. It’s like, look at me, guys. I have nothing positive to say, and I make everything miserable.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

A really good magician could be living in your house and you would never know.

Noam Chomsky sounds like the legal name of the very hungry caterpillar.

Introverts be like “I know a place”, then go home.

My parents grew to like my girlfriend so much, they take her as their own daughter. Now they started looking for a proper boyfriend for her.

“November Rain” is just 9 minutes of me realizing I’m too dramatic to date someone with healthy coping skills.

I’ve been closer to death than a stable relationship.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨