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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

Me, as a therapist: “OMG, me too!”

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

Shout out to the people getting $400 hotel rooms on Feb 14th to do the same two positions they do at home.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

*Pointing at a mothers shrieking baby* Is this guy bothering you?

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

Growing up, there was a Cody in every elementary school class, but as an adult, I haven’t met a Cody in years. Where did they go?

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

I gave you a follow back, not a Tinder match, don’t “Hey, beautiful” me.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

Went to the grocery store hungry. I didn’t need to pay rent this month anyway.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

My age no longer permits me to suffer for love, so if you see me sad, it’s due to lack of money.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Why do you always wanna change your life before you fall asleep, then in the morning you wake up like ‘Nah!’

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

All people make me happy. Some when they come, others when they leave.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

I feel sorry for dogs. They learnt to fetch newspapers, but newspapers are dying. Killed by an internet driven by cats.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,449

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Slack:

“You never text back.” No, I be reading texts from the notification bar, then forget to text back.

Seen just now on WeChat:

There should be a calorie refund for food that didn’t taste as good as you expected.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Either you’re violently frolicking with me or you’re violently frolicking against me.

Just landed via YouTube:

The older I get, I realize my mom was right, but I just didn’t like her tone.

Shared recently on Discord:

Imagine you get to the gates of heaven and they make you download an app to go in.

Trending via Twitch:

If you’ve never been hit with gay allegations, you’re not fly enough.

Making waves on TikTok:

Good news: I only ate one slice of pizza. Bad news: I did that four times in a row.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Meds have done more for me than any man ever could.

Going viral on X:

Don’t really want to have 6-8 pints and a takeaway tonight, but it’s Friday and rules are rules.

Trending via Telegram:

Hear me out: a streaming service that doesn’t keep increasing their prices and actually has movies you want to watch.

Delete a letter of his name from your contacts every time he makes you upset. When his name’s gone, he’s gone. Hangman that boy.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Witty text about deleting a guy's name from contacts to forget him; playful and humorous.

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Commentary:
Starting a game of Hangman with my contacts—he's got only two vowels left before he vanishes! 😂✌️🔡

boy, breakup, contact, contacts, delete, every, game, gone, hangman, humor, letter, name, names, relationship, revenge, time, upset

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Social Media Stars ⭐

56 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Twitter is fun because you can post a pic of pizza and people will get mad at you.

76 shares on TikTok this month:

Shy with a mean resting face is a crazy combo.

37 shares on Threads this month:

“You let your cat on the bed?” I would put her on my life insurance.

70 shares on Twitch this month:

I wouldn’t walk 500 miles, and then walk 500 more.

17 shares on Pinterest this month:

I don’t know who needs to hear this but you’re not dying, it’s just Monday.

73 shares on TikTok this month:

*Googles: How to fake your own death and erase existence before 9am Monday morning.

90 shares on Snapchat this month:

Giving all the dogs in my neighborhood matching sweaters for Christmas so they can be in a gang.

73 shares on Slack this month:

Perhaps the best thing about getting older is that I no longer want to know everything.

93 shares on Instagram this month:

If you’re bored when you’re alone, obviously you’re in bad company.

85 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t like violence, but I don’t mind if I get hit by luck.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

The trouble with living alone is that it’s always my turn to do the dishes.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

You ever feel awkward in Target, cause you know you belong at Walmart.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

Eating healthy requires a second job.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Turns out, sitting on the porch, feeding birds and squirrels, is a pretty good treatment for depression.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

The only thing that drains faster than my phone battery is my bank account.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m liking your IG photo from 8 days ago because IG just showed me today!

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

Not to brag, but my wife just described the dinner I made as “interesting.”

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

Doctor advised me to stop drinking. This is going to be a big change for me. I was with that doctor for decades.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Be nice to me, I may be hot one day.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

Wife asked if I could stop singing Wonderwall. I said maybe…

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Do you want to sit on the porch with me until we die or not?

Breaking via X:

Pilots lowkey have an aura when they walk past you in the airport.

Just shared via Slack:

You misunderstood me. I said I was a “bawler,” not a “baller.” You know, someone who cries a lot.

Going viral on Slack:

Spewing nonsense online is the most fun a depressed person is allowed to have in these twisted times.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Moving houses/apartments gotta be top 3 worst human experiences.

Trending via Slack:

I’m as single as a one Dollar bill, and I don’t need any change.

Just landed via Slack:

If you buy something with a lifetime warranty and it breaks, the manufacturer will send a hitman to your house.

Seen just now on Discord:

I worry a lot about the wild animals in my neighborhood, but I’m beginning to think they don’t worry about me.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I like winter because I fundamentally understand I deserve to suffer.

Just landed via Discord:

People out there having five-year plans, and here I am waking up just hoping I remember what day it is.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Delete a letter of his name from your contacts every time he makes you upset. When his name’s gone, he’s gone. Hangman that boy.

38% of being a dad is sitting in a car, looking at your watch, and waiting for everybody else to come out.

We must all do our part for the planet. The other day I unplugged a row of electric cars nobody was using.

Be the lemon you want the world to hand to others.

You either have a full ketchup bottle in your house or an almost empty one. There’s no in-between.

Sorry for bouncing my leg. I’m not allowed to bash my head into the walls anymore.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Delete a letter of his name from your contacts every time he makes you upset. When his name’s gone, he’s gone. Hangman that boy.

Keep the laugh going 😂

38% of being a dad is sitting in a car, looking at your watch, and waiting for everybody else to come out.

We must all do our part for the planet. The other day I unplugged a row of electric cars nobody was using.

Be the lemon you want the world to hand to others.

You either have a full ketchup bottle in your house or an almost empty one. There’s no in-between.

I’ve been blocked, unfollowed, and unfriended, but I’ve never been told I’m bad in bed.

Sorry for bouncing my leg. I’m not allowed to bash my head into the walls anymore.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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