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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

Hey, boy, are you the worst-case scenario? Because you’re all I think about.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

Anytime someone throws a Great Gatsby themed party, I have to assume they never finished the book.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

Imagine if we had to worry about dinosaurs too, on top of everything else.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

If you keep your AC any higher than 75, please don’t invite me to your terrarium, you lizard.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

And then there are people who can only sleep on their back because their pea brain could slip out of their ear if they lie on their side.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

Having your own apartment by yourself is so funny, cause I really just swept the whole place naked.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

If you want people to have kind words when you pass, you should say kind words when you’re alive.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

If anything I post makes you mad, just know that it pleases me.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

If a man says he’ll fix it, he will fix it. There’s no need to remind him every six months.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

You know you’re getting old when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinking, “I may as well go while I’m here.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

4,045

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

Introverts don’t recharge with sleep, we recharge by being left completely alone for 3–5 business days.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Smile like a monkey with a new banana.

Going viral on X:

I’m a single issue voter. I’m single and it’s an issue.

Trending via Telegram:

Who wants to do all my adult stuff for me today?

Spotted on Facebook:

Some 100 private jets will fly to Venice for Jeff Bezos’ wedding, and I recycle yoghurt cup lids.

Spotted on Telegram:

“I’m disgusted by how many of you still use Spotify. I use a fair trade, ethically conscientious mom-and-pop platform called Apple Music.”

Going viral on WhatsApp:

If you’ve been talking for 5 minutes straight, it might be someone else’s turn.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

If you’re not getting spoiled, then spoil yourself.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Job posting: $15/hr for master’s degree. Burrito menu: $23 for bean and cheese burrito.

Spotted on Twitch:

Probably the most humiliating thing that can happen when you die is that you come back as a fitted-sheet ghost.

Delete a letter of his name from your contacts every time he makes you upset. When his name’s gone, he’s gone. Hangman that boy.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Starting a game of Hangman with my contacts—he's got only two vowels left before he vanishes! 😂✌️🔡

boy, breakup, contact, contacts, delete, every, game, gone, hangman, humor, letter, name, names, relationship, revenge, time, upset

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Wondering when these skinny jeans are gonna kick in.

0

2 months ago

body, body image, expectation, fashion, humor, image, jean, jeans, kick, skinny, skinny jean, skinny jeans, style
Just said “shitted feet” instead of “fitted sheet” in front of my my son and his friends. If you need me, I’ll be in the closet.

0

2 months ago

closet, feet, fitted, fitted sheet, friends, humor, just, me, mistake, need, parenting, sheet, shitted, shitted feet, son
Oh, lord. I brought my mouth with me to work today and it’s all sass. Prayers, please.

0

2 months ago

attitude, humor, i, lord, me, mouth, office, oh, prayers, sarcasm, sass, today, work
To accommodate the size of my wife’s new water bottle, we’ve replaced the passenger seat of her car with a cupholder.

0

2 months ago

bottle, car, cupholder, humor, marriage, new, passenger, practicality, relationship, seat, size, water, water bottle, wife
Non-parents be like: I would simply instruct the toddler to do something he doesn’t want to do, and he would obey.

0

2 months ago

expectations, humor, i, instruction, non-parent, obedience, obey, parenting, something, toddler, want
Working my first office job. Is it normal to have nothing to do?

0

2 months ago

boredom, first job, humor, job, lack, lack of task, normal, nothing, office, office work, task, work, working, workplace, workplace humor

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

81 shares on Snapchat this month:

Being gracefully insane is the secret to staying somewhat sane in an insane world.

27 shares on WeChat this month:

So proud of my ancestors for crawling out of the sea and evolving lungs. Pretty disappointed in them ever since though.

71 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed.

59 shares on Slack this month:

If you’re cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and continue to participate in family game night.

100 shares on YouTube this month:

It’s always fun listening to someone’s lie when you already know the truth.

26 shares on TikTok this month:

Software engineers are the dumbest smart people I’ve ever met.

89 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I become someone I don’t recognize when I play Monopoly.

47 shares on Messenger this month:

If craziness could fly, some people would have their own airport.

21 shares on Instagram this month:

When I hear the word “horror”, the first thing I think of is bills, not Halloween.

79 shares on Twitch this month:

Don’t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

You can’t change your past but you can change your pasta.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

The only reason to engage with a neighbor is if either of you is on fire.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

Good morning, did you have a nice weekend? I ask my many open work tabs.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

Thanksgiving and Christmas should be six months apart. Absurd to see those people again so soon. Insane.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

People who take two steps on the stairs are both active and lazy at the same time.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

If you wear glasses, we expect a lot from you academically, especially if your glasses have a rope.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

He’s a 10 but so is his volume.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

You want fast replies from a female? Argue with her!

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

You ever wake up in the morning and your first thought is ‘I can’t wait to go to bed tonight’?

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

Can’t, too busy deleting screenshots of my lock screen.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Threads:

You’re telling me people get eight hours of sleep? Like in one night?

Making waves on Instagram:

Since I started following the wisdom of ancient Chinese philosopher Fuk Yu, my life has been so much better…

Trending via Discord:

The most dangerous drinking game I play, is seeing how long I can go without coffee.

Trending via WhatsApp:

The only thing faster than an escalator is an escasooner.

Live now on Facebook:

Having Twitter is just like reading the newspaper, except the newspaper is on fire and all the writers hate you.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

The potholes in my city will change your radio station and unlock the doors.

Just shared via Threads:

You don’t need a therapist, you need an exorcist.

Spotted on Threads:

We need a word for that weird feeling you get when you learn what a podcaster looks like.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Discovered a new coping mechanism called lashing out and making your loved ones resent you.

Making waves on Instagram:

The government always waits until the last minute to prevent a shutdown, much like my approach to paying taxes.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Delete a letter of his name from your contacts every time he makes you upset. When his name’s gone, he’s gone. Hangman that boy.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Wondering when these skinny jeans are gonna kick in.

Just said “shitted feet” instead of “fitted sheet” in front of my my son and his friends. If you need me, I’ll be in the closet.

Oh, lord. I brought my mouth with me to work today and it’s all sass. Prayers, please.

To accommodate the size of my wife’s new water bottle, we’ve replaced the passenger seat of her car with a cupholder.

Non-parents be like: I would simply instruct the toddler to do something he doesn’t want to do, and he would obey.

Working my first office job. Is it normal to have nothing to do?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨