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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by saying they look tired.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

Just got revenge on someone who wronged me many, many years ago. Never relax, I’m coming.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

This is not what adulthood looked like in the brochure.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

Vaping always looked dumb. It looks like you’re smoking a kazoo, and now the lead poisoning is the cherry on top.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

Becoming an adult was the worst thing I’ve ever done.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

Damaged inside, but outside we keep it gangsta.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

“What fresh hell is this?“ It’s actually the same hell as yesterday. Not fresh at all, really.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

I don’t abuse substances. I cherish and nurture them.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Nothing prepared me for the part of adulthood where you look like a baby deer learning to walk every time you get out of bed in the morning.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

No longer praying on your downfall. I will be directly involved.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,707

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via TikTok:

Anyone else think it’s weird how cancer kills more people than any other astrological sign.

Seen just now on Discord:

Give us this day our daily internet validation.

Live now on Instagram:

Life is what happens in between trips to the fridge.

Spotted on Telegram:

What if we kissed while watching the decay of our society?

Just landed via Telegram:

Puberty was a hair-raising experience.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Practicing how I’m gonna explain to the aliens that baseline and Vaseline do not sound the same.

Making waves on YouTube:

“I’m not concerned about Netflix buying Warner Brothers. None of this will matter once we evolve gills and start living underwater.”

Making waves on Messenger:

Stop animal testing! Use my ex!

Seen just now on Facebook:

I do believe TikTok saves the funniest videos for late at night. There’s no way.

Live now on Twitch:

I’m not always annoying, sometimes I sleep too.

Every day when I get home, I thank my cats for allowing me to live in their house.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah yes, I'm just the live-in butler for two tiny fur dictators! 🐾🏡😺"

animal, animal humor, cats, day, domestic, domestic life, every, gratitude, home, house, humor, i, life, live, me, owner, pet, pet owner, thank

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The secret to being a private person is to overshare dumb shit so people think you are an open book but then not tell them any of the important details of your life.

0

2 months ago

being, book, details, dumb, dumb shit, humor, important, important details, life, open, open book, overshare, people, person, private, private person, secret, shit, tell, think
Jesus turned water into wine. I turn food into fertilizer. We are not the same.

0

2 months ago

comparison, fertilizer, food, humor, i, Jesus, not the same, same, transformation, turn, water, wine
The older I get, the more I treat birthdays like one-night stands and just pretend they didn’t happen.

0

2 months ago

age, birthday, celebration, denial, fun, humor, i, just, older, one-night, one-night stand, pretend, stand, time, treat
No, I didn’t eat enough protein today, but I did think of you with enough intensity to generate new muscle tissue in my heart.

0

2 months ago

affection, eat, enough, fitness, generate, heart, humor, i, intensity, irony, love, muscle, new, protein, romance, think, thought, today, witty
What song lyric resonates with you the most? Mine is “we’re tiny, we’re toony, we’re all a little loony”

0

2 months ago

humor, loony, lyric, music, resonate, song, song lyric, tiny, toony
No haunted houses for me this year. If I wanna be frightened, I’ll just look at my 401k.

0

2 months ago

401k, adulting, fear, financial, financial planning, fright, haunted, haunted house, house, humor, just, planning, year

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

37 shares on Facebook this month:

Befuddlingly, a palm tree won’t fit in your hand.

37 shares on Slack this month:

Are you really a personal trainer or do you just want to wear shorts to work every day?

27 shares on Instagram this month:

Sex is cool, but have you ever received reassurance without asking for it?

20 shares on LinkedIn this month:

ASAP can also mean as slow as possible.

56 shares on Telegram this month:

Cleaning out your camera roll is like the biggest chore ever.

58 shares on TikTok this month:

A tip for your next salary negotiation: simply tell your boss “either I get a pay rise or I go out and tell everyone I got one!”

87 shares on X this month:

Studies show that people with high IQs tend to be lazy, or something like that. I didn’t read the whole article.

60 shares on Messenger this month:

If pigeons could talk, they would bum a cigarette.

55 shares on X this month:

I came, I saw, I was disappointed, so I left.

82 shares on WeChat this month:

Restaurants: put your phone down, live in the moment. Also, scan our QR code and browse our menu.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

“Have AI summarize this email for you!” No thanks, I can read what the person actually said in the way they intended.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

I woke up deciding to incorporate the parkour lifestyle into my daily life then reconsidered as I fell over again putting my jeans on.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

Suicide is never the answer, you gotta outlive your enemies.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

Peer pressure has nothing on me; all my bad decisions are made single-handedly.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

Okay, that’s enough todaying for today.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

People who don’t talk to themselves are the weird ones.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Ohhh, I just realised you can change your facial expression. I was just doing the one.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

Sometimes a lover girl, sometimes a dinosaur.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

I toss and turn in bed all night like a beautiful rotisserie chicken.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

Honestly, shopping beats therapy, anytime. It costs the same and you get a dress out of it.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Telegram:

How quickly family vacations go from “Omg, we only have 4 days left” to “Omg, we still have 4 days left”

Spotted on Discord:

Nostalgia is mostly dumb nonsense, but movie rental stores were legitimately better than streaming.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Just because the deodorant says 48 hrs, it does not mean you have to challenge it.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Getting out of bed should count as resistance training.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

The feminine urge to say “ouch” when I bump into things that doesn’t even hurt.

Seen just now on Slack:

Your honor, my client doesn’t like jail.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Texting is so boring. Just show up to my door with roses.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I want my name to come up when you go to confession.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I’m not speaking to my husband, and I don’t think he even knows it.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Kid, I have jeans older than you.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Every day when I get home, I thank my cats for allowing me to live in their house.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

The secret to being a private person is to overshare dumb shit so people think you are an open book but then not tell them any of the important details of your life.

Jesus turned water into wine. I turn food into fertilizer. We are not the same.

The older I get, the more I treat birthdays like one-night stands and just pretend they didn’t happen.

No, I didn’t eat enough protein today, but I did think of you with enough intensity to generate new muscle tissue in my heart.

What song lyric resonates with you the most? Mine is “we’re tiny, we’re toony, we’re all a little loony”

No haunted houses for me this year. If I wanna be frightened, I’ll just look at my 401k.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨