Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

People always talk about how they love to sit in their cars for a while once they get home. Whenever I do that, my Uber driver yells at me.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

Please remember, I am an inspiration for birth control.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

I have no prime. I will evolve till I die.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

If history is repeating itself, when can I buy a pet dinosaur?

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

An article of clothing left on the floor long enough becomes clean again because the germs eventually get bored and leave.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

My superpower is always picking the line at the grocery store that moves the slowest.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

Have you ever wanted to grab somebody by the shoulders, give them a good shake and whisper “Nobody cares!”

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

My mom always used to tell me that I look cute when I sleep. My boss has a different opinion.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

The science between bragging about a man and him disappointing you immediately after needs to be studied.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

300 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,569

Funny Quotes Topics

17,627

Funny Quotes Images

15,569

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,305

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WeChat:

My big 3? Yapping, napping & snacking!

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Stop asking me if I’m tired. Can’t I just be ugly?

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Hi. I didn’t mean to “like” your tweet. I was scraping dried jelly off my phone.

Making waves on Messenger:

My husband and I are doing a workshop. He works and I’ll shop.

Going viral on X:

If I had a bf, I’d be a gf.

Making waves on Messenger:

When I was a kid, there were two ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

Making waves on Threads:

Why is it that your clothes only get caught on the door handle when you’re in a bad mood?

Shared recently on YouTube:

Careful, “friend”. One more word about Shakira and you might find out just how fast I can draw this blade.

Making waves on YouTube:

A gender-neutral equivalent of ‘sugar daddy’ is glucose guardian.

Spotted on Threads:

Asked a German woman why Germany produced so many legendary physicists / mathematicians, and her response was basically, “Have you considered educating people who aren’t rich?”

Funny bruise quotes

Funny bruise quotes are the perfect way to laugh off those colorful reminders of clumsy moments and unexpected bumps 🤕🤣. Whether you’re sporting a purple patch from a wild adventure or just a minor mishap, these witty lines turn pain into punchlines 💥😄. Ready to brighten up those bruises with some humor? Let’s turn those oops into LOLs! 🎉✨

New funny bruise quotes 👇

All funny bruise quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes
🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

20 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I was the most patient parent and then I had kids.

56 shares on Pinterest this month:

The golden rule of three beverages: one to hydrate, one to caffeinate, and one to celebrate.

49 shares on Instagram this month:

I slept like a baby, knowing I’m a burden to everyone around me.

52 shares on Pinterest this month:

If I had known how much care balcony plants need, I could have stopped taking the pill.

10 shares on TikTok this month:

Sisters are so important. How else would my mom find out all the stuff I didn’t want her to know.

71 shares on Reddit this month:

Pro tip: Invest in pasta companies. Worth every penne.

56 shares on Reddit this month:

A Jackie Chan fight scene where he’s in an IKEA warehouse and he fights off dudes with furniture pieces, but by the end he’s accidentally assembled it all into a complete Malm bedroom set.

38 shares on Telegram this month:

I want to be gangsta but my grandma said no.

16 shares on Twitch this month:

I get it, credit cards, I’ve reached my limit too.

34 shares on Facebook this month:

Either you’re violently frolicking with me or you’re violently frolicking against me.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

If you add orange juice to Jason Momoa, you get a Jason Mimosa.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

If you lift the cat off the couch and it sounds like Velcro, then it didn’t want to leave.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Prime numbers are so cunty. Like okay, diva — only divisible by yourself?

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Youngest siblings are literally weaponized incompetence, final boss.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Wish I could step out of my body and take my own damn pictures.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody at this train station knows that there’s a hole in my sock.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Pretending I’m asleep so my boss has to carry me to the meeting.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Why does tiredness on the couch not follow me to the bed?

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to adulthood. You have a favorite gas station now.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Democracy is a fine thing. The bad thing is that the stupid people are allowed to take part.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

300 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,569

Funny Quotes Topics

17,627

Funny Quotes Images

15,569

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,727

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

You looked so beautiful and combative as we were detained for questioning.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

Life is short, flirt with me!

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

My account is fake, I’m actually your probation officer.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Hell hath no fury like a toddler who lost the chance to push a button.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

Can I come over and look at your Hot Wheels collection?

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

Pumpkin spice season comes earlier every year and yet some still deny climate change.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

I was having a great day, and then, people.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

Rise and grind your teeth gently while ruminating over every past mistake.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

Santa punched a hole in my wall because I left him soy milk.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

“Why does my back always hurt?”, I say, while never sitting upright in a chair.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Reddit:

If I buy the circus, the monkey will be the manager.

Going viral on Threads:

I hate finishing a series that I enjoyed, because what now?

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Bloopers in movie credits is a lost art form.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Britney Spears working at an ice-cream shop called ‘Scoops, I did it again.’

Spotted on Reddit:

The Internet is fun because you can post about banana bread and somehow end up in a fight.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I need an emergency cheeseburger.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Today is the Mondayest Thursday that has ever been mistaken for a Friday in the history of Wednesdays.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Counting calories is a great way to combine super fun things like math and not eating.

Spotted on Snapchat:

The problem is I am always the problem.

Just shared via Facebook:

You sound unhinged. Let’s go get mugshots.

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Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴