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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

Putting together a piece of furniture today, so my kids are about to learn swear words that haven’t even been invented yet.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

When I say “the other day”, it can be anytime between yesterday and my birth.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

You’d think the heat and humidity would steam some of the wrinkles out of my body.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

If humanity is so smart, how come it took thousands of years after the wheel was invented for someone to put them on a suitcase?

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Yeah, no worries, man. You just showed everyone that you have a lot of resentments bubbling underneath, but otherwise, it was a cool evening.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

Shopping at the dollar store makes me feel rich and poor all at the same time.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

No HR complaint formed against me shall prosper.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

Having a girlfriend is insane because you can literally go to touch them, and they will let you.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

I just feel like we shouldn’t have a new year until we get this one right.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

Never understood why people train their dogs to sit pretty or roll over when there are useful tricks like empty the dishwasher or fold the laundry.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,353

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

Need a book club for people who all just happened to read the same book but hated it and now need to vent.

Trending via X:

People who read and research will always sound crazy to people who don’t.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

The subtle art of letting yourself go crazy once in a while.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Eating wings is the opposite of flying.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Cheating on a partner should affect your credit score.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Am I just getting older, or are people getting more annoying?

Seen just now on Twitch:

Just a little reminder to laugh as much as you can, stay hydrated, and don’t let shitty people kill your vibe.

Going viral on Threads:

Sorry, I don’t think I can hang out this weekend, my 4-year-old is still telling a joke.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

During arguments with idiots, I wish I could throw a flash bang and disappear.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I’m neither a lover nor a fighter. I’m a snacker.

Funny business failure quotes

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All funny business failure quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

85 shares on Discord this month:

Tell me I’d look good in a potato sack or lose me forever.

45 shares on Threads this month:

A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.

47 shares on WeChat this month:

No, I love darkness at 5pm and the death of a nation.

31 shares on Discord this month:

Are you gonna call me beautiful today, or do I need to go to the gas station?

99 shares on Twitch this month:

How come it’s called “thrift store shopping” instead of Goodwill hunting?

38 shares on Instagram this month:

A pie where there isn’t pastry on the bottom isn’t a pie. It’s soup with a hat.

75 shares on Instagram this month:

Sometimes, I feel like my brain is still running on Windows 95.

46 shares on Twitch this month:

Release that sexual frustration, get a burger.

55 shares on WeChat this month:

I hope my email finds you enraged.

75 shares on Reddit this month:

I told my GPS I needed direction in life, and now it insists on recalculating every hour.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t know why “you made your bed now lie in it” is a bad thing. It sounds great! I’ll even lie in a bed I didn’t make.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I had an irrational fear of bees until I saw My Girl and it became rational.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Avocado toast at a cafe: $10. Avocado toast from Uber Eats: $25. Avocado toast made at home: $550 (my labor is worth $115 a minute).

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing more rude than taking a photo of yourself and it looking like how you actually look, and not how you look inside your head.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people can’t sleep because they have insomnia. I can’t sleep because I have Internet.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I wonder what happened to the people who asked me for directions.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

My morning routine includes 20 minutes of staring at the ceiling thinking about how tired I am and debating if I really need to live today.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

The class: “You want us to do what?” Super Mario: “Jump around, catch and eat the giant mushroom, bang your head against the crates and, if necessary, crush all the critters. It’sa easy!”

23 folks are currently checking 👀

People who get 0-5 likes at max and still tweet all the time… What’s your secret?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The urge to say “yeah, you should do that”, especially when you have no clue.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,555

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Breaking news: Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

Why do flat earthers care so much? Like, what if the Earth is flat. What now?

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

Flat earth is too mainstream, hollow earth is where it’s at.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Having a job is cool, but everyday? Come on!

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

What base is it when he says, “I know you need it badly,” but he’s talking about sleep?

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

Waiting in the grocery store parking lot for the rotisserie chickens to be ready. The thrill of the hunt.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

I heard time is money, so I quit my job. Now I have lots of time!

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

Twitter is a prime example why most of us shouldn’t be left unsupervised.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

Do you also sometimes turn on the TV just so you have background noise or am I weird?

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Stop worrying if people like you. They don’t.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Twitch:

Can we take a moment to celebrate the little ride we get in the pneumatic chair at the hair salon or barber when they pump it up or down?

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Babysitting a pair of twin babies right now and feeding them saying “here comes the airplane”. I don’t know, just feels weird.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I’m not drinking 2% milk until we figure out what the other 98% is.

Just shared via Twitch:

My kids didn’t follow me into the bathroom so now I’m scared to leave and find out what they got into instead.

Spotted on Reddit:

I like my men like I like my coffee. Not that hot but still making me anxious.

Just landed via Slack:

I have the sex drive of a potato.

Going viral on Instagram:

They should invent someone who holds me.

Just shared via X:

After 25, you’re pretty much 30.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I just heard someone refer to Texas as “Howdy Arabia” and I still haven’t stopped laughing.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I’ve been reading the room for 20 minutes. It’s not looking so good.

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