158 funny cat quotes - Wordgag

May I please come over and curl up in your lap like a cat?

May 29, 2026

I know so many people with cats, and only a tiny number of them went to a shelter and picked out a cat. Everyone else I know with a cat has a story that’s like, ‘Yeah, he just moved in.’

May 28, 2026

Telemarketer: “Hello, am I speaking to the head of the household?” Me, handing the phone to my cat: “It’s for you.”

May 28, 2026

The only narcissist I allow in my life is my cat.

May 28, 2026

Saturday Night Fever, but it’s just me yelling, “Five, six, seven, eight!” while my cat lies down and refuses to participate.

May 28, 2026

I wonder how many calories I can burn petting my cat.

May 28, 2026

Every morning, the cat watches me make coffee and asks if we can go sit out on the balcony to watch the birds, and every morning I say, yes, of course, let’s.

May 28, 2026

Cats love to wake you up and go back to sleep. It’s part of their culture.

May 28, 2026

I don’t want to sleep like a baby, I want to sleep like a cat. 14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

May 28, 2026

My cat runs a secret cult. I just pay the rent.

May 28, 2026

Is it cool if I come into your life and just never leave, like a stray cat?

May 28, 2026

I love talkative cats. Like, yeah, bro. Meow, meow! You’re so right.

May 27, 2026

You don’t get to tell me what to do, you’re not my cat.

May 27, 2026

With a cat on your lap, you deal better with the crap.

May 27, 2026

My cat just knocked over my coffee mug and looked at me like it was my fault. How dare I put it on the edge of the table?

May 27, 2026

My cat, who has no job and pays no rent, is apparently unhappy with his fancy new cat food, and I, for some reason, am currently on my way back to the store to rectify the matter.

May 27, 2026

Cats spend two-thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos.

May 27, 2026

Horse girls and cat ladies get all the attention, but what about crow women?

May 27, 2026

Establish dominance over your cat by suddenly bolting out of the room for no reason.

May 27, 2026

The 80s were wild, man. You had bands naming themselves after predatory cats with hearing problems.

May 27, 2026

Self-care is putting your face on a very soft cat.

May 27, 2026

When I’m done eating… I have to show my hands to my cat, like I’m a blackjack dealer.

May 27, 2026

I’m convinced that if Earth explodes, all the cats will land safely on the moon, on their feet.

May 27, 2026

I tried meowing back at the cat to show him I was making an effort, but he just switched to English.

May 27, 2026

If cats could text you back, they wouldn’t.

May 27, 2026

There’s a cougar warning in my neighborhood, but apparently it’s just a big cat. I bought a case of wine coolers for nothing.

May 27, 2026

Washing my hands in the sink and then wiping them on my cat, like a towel.

May 27, 2026

If my cats are going to insist upon me getting up early, they’re going to have to learn how to make coffee.

May 27, 2026

“You let your cat on the bed?” I would put her on my life insurance.

May 27, 2026

Judging by the hair on my couch, I’m surprised I have any cat left at all.

May 27, 2026

Babe, would it kill you to meow back?

May 26, 2026

Well, at least my cat is supportive of me doing less and laying around more.

May 26, 2026

It’s amazing how cats can ignore you with both ears.

May 26, 2026

Cats hear everything. They just don’t care.

May 26, 2026

It’s funny how cats have ears on top of their head, but don’t use them.

May 26, 2026

I love my cat, but I hope in her next life she’s reincarnated as the owner of a very whiny cat.

May 26, 2026

Wanna go back to my place and meow at each other?

May 26, 2026

Do you ever look into your cats eyes and realize that a person is inside there?

May 26, 2026

If Dracula had a cat, she’d be the one sleeping in the coffin.

May 26, 2026

Hairless cats look like the devil screwed up a possession.

May 26, 2026