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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

No open job postings for “Warrior Poet” found in your area. Please try another search.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Your opinions are not my business.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

I’m the type of idiot to be loyal during the talking stage.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

“Some men go months without being hugged.” Okay, then they should just hug each other.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

They say water is the source of life, which is true because you can’t make coffee without water.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Are you ever so happy to be in bed, you wish you could be even more in bed than you already are?

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

All of humanities problems could be solved with a large meteor.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Everyone thinks they won’t be that couple that goes from ‘everything you do is a turn-on’ to ‘you’re breathing too loud,’ but they will be, oh, they will be.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

At my age, “getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what you came in there for.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

I dreamed I won the lottery, so you can imagine how thrilled I was to wake up and get ready for work.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,658

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

Happiness is when you really have nothing to do with people you want absolutely nothing to do with.

Shared recently on Slack:

Now I get why my grandma got up early to have a little coffee by herself.

Shared recently on Slack:

My bra isn’t just padded — it’s also filled with cookie and chip crumbs.

Making waves on X:

Can you lose weight by running away from your feelings?

Freshly posted on Discord:

How soon into a new relationship should you let her know you’re an idiot?

Just landed via Pinterest:

If anyone needs me, I’ll be in this whirlpool of emotions over there.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Humans are just chaos wrapped in meat, going bananas on caffeine.

Spotted on Reddit:

There’s no need to put a little umbrella in my drink. It’s already wet.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the best thirst trap poster of them all?

Shared recently on Telegram:

Adulting’s a total scam. Bills, taxes, and a laundry pile that breeds in the dark, were not in the brochure!

Funny Die Hard quotes

Funny Die Hard quotes bring the perfect mix of action and laughs 🎬💥 Whether you’re a die-hard fan or new to the classic flick, these witty one-liners will have you grinning ear to ear 😄🔥 Get ready to relive John McClane’s epic moments with a side of humor that never gets old! 🚨💣 #YippeeKiYay #ActionComedy

New funny Die Hard quotes 👇

All funny Die Hard quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes
🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

81 shares on Snapchat this month:

Who’s up thinking about the crushing weight of existence?

79 shares on Twitch this month:

My day starts backwards, I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.

55 shares on Discord this month:

Since you’re all so in love, switch phones for Valentine’s Day!

63 shares on Snapchat this month:

Being an iPad baby must be so exciting. Imagine going from nine dull months in the womb to playing Candy Crush.

32 shares on TikTok this month:

Me before grocery shopping: only healthy foods, no impulse buys, I can do this. Me during grocery shopping: they make chocolate filled marshmallows?

69 shares on Snapchat this month:

I don’t need Halloween. I have strange characters around me all year round.

66 shares on X this month:

Nothing in a household is said more lovingly than, “Can you bring me some toilet paper?”

69 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My hair would never allow me to commit a crime. I really do leave my DNA everywhere.

36 shares on Reddit this month:

You miss 100% of the gossip from the phone calls you don’t answer.

44 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m not even a 2nd choice, I’m like an 8th choice, sometimes a 10th.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

People would be more motivated to lose weight if the weight they lost went on to someone they didn’t like.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

My birthday wish is for everyone to ignore my birthday.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Inventing the Grinch: “Santa needs a Wario!”

21 folks are currently checking 👀

They’re selling me on Temu tomorrow.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to college, where every single person is smarter than you, except for the three people in your group project.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes a girl has to delete all the apps on her phone and not speak to anyone for a week to find true happiness.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish I could invoice people for wasting my time.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry for the things I said when I thought you weren’t listening.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,269

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

If I was in Jaws, instead of wishing for a bigger boat, I probably would have just asked for a smaller shark.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

If kids these days had a perfume, it would be called Audacity.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Some people call me crazy. I prefer the term happy with a twist.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

I hate when flies rub their disgusting little hands together. What could you possibly be plotting? You can’t even get out of the open window.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

If I’m out drinking and “Push It” starts playing, take me home immediately.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

My love life feels like when you finally spot an open space in a full parking lot — and then boom, it’s a motorcycle.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I do something completely out of character, like say no to a slice of pizza, or trust someone.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they are dead.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

Whatever you ask the Universe for under this post, you will get next week.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

The T in depression stands for the therapy places that are immediately available.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

Studies show that 100% of all parents think alcohol tastes much better after spending the day with children.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Why do chefs always have to cut everything so fast? It’s just an onion man, why don’t you relax?

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Sorry I’m unavailable… the horrors of reality insist upon themselves.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I might be annoying, but at least my lock screen isn’t a selfie.

Just landed via Pinterest:

An internship is only unpaid if you don’t steal enough.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Interpretive dance is the best way to answer stupid questions.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I love cutting off Teslas. Like you may not let me merge over but your car sure as hell will.

Live now on WhatsApp:

I don’t need a psychic to tell me which planets make me sad. It’s earth.

Breaking via Threads:

“Stop recording everything and just enjoy the moment” is asking me for videos from last night.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

“It’s bikini season,” I whisper, eating another bikini.

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