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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

You know you’re getting older when you keep asking “Why do they have to make the instructions so small?”

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

There are only two portion sizes for mashed potatoes: nowhere near enough (posh restaurants) or far, far too much (literally everyone else).

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

Every gift guide for men is like “A flannel flask to hold your knife flavored whiskey.”

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Nosferatu 2024, Frankenstein 2025, and Werwulf 2026. I was born at exactly the right time.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

My goal for next month is small, simple, and clear: change my whole entire life.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

If alcohol was the one that was banned instead of weed, then a lot of people would have had memories of hungry, stoned fathers instead of angry, drunk ones.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

I don’t always listen to Metallica, but when I do, so do my neighbors.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

Gaslighting myself into thinking I’m in a good mood.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

My husband loves it when he orders fries, I say I don’t want any, and then I swoop in on his like a seagull at the beach.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

Good morning, dickhead, your little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,271

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

The haters said I couldn’t do it. And they were correct. Honestly, great call from the haters.

Going viral on Facebook:

For whom the Fetty Waps.

Making waves on TikTok:

I have decided to purchase the grocery store because it is now cheaper than the groceries inside it.

Trending via Instagram:

If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks. It cost me an arm and a leg!

Trending via Discord:

Ah yes, my abandonment issues due to all the abandonment.

Just landed via Discord:

A frightening number of young people alive today don’t know about Knight Rider.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I want Al to do my laundry and dishes so that I can do art and writing, not for Al to do my art and writing so that I can do my laundry and dishes.

Just landed via Messenger:

When you tickle a man to death by accident, it is manslaughter.

Breaking via Messenger:

“Slipping in the shower and trying to hold on to the water jet…” Shall I tell you more about myself?

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Do you think Yoda says “7-6” instead?

Funny finger counting quotes

New funny finger counting quotes 👇

How am I supposed to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next.

2 days ago

aid, alphabet, alphabet song, am, childhood, childhood habit, choice, choices, count, counting, decision, decision making, finger, finger counting, fingers, habit, i, learning, learning method, letter, life, life choice, making, memory, memory aid, method, next, sing, song, still, whole

All funny finger counting quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

40 shares on Discord this month:

In six days God created heaven and earth. On the seventh day, in the interests of balance, the BBC interviewed Satan.

25 shares on Slack this month:

Ruining the Olympics for my fiancée by, every time they mention Paris, saying, “that’s where Ratatouille lived”.

22 shares on LinkedIn this month:

A bathrobe is being naked with plausible deniability and pockets.

37 shares on WeChat this month:

Microplastics are a waste of time. I go straight to eating whole packaging.

48 shares on WeChat this month:

Imagine falling in love with me then finding out I’m a slow walker.

31 shares on Telegram this month:

Why read the room when you can leave the room?

25 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Guy who normally applauds when the plane lands right before the pilot crashes it: “Boo!”

63 shares on WeChat this month:

Handsome, you better get to the point, my beer buzz is starting to wear off.

75 shares on X this month:

I haven’t broken a mirror lately, but my water broke and I’ve had seven years of kids crawling into my bed.

89 shares on X this month:

My ducks: in a row. My elephant: addressed. My eggs: several baskets. My bigger fish: fried.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m the kind of introvert who dodges phone calls but sends paragraphs in texts.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

Worst part of a corporate job is no tips. Someone should slip you a $20 if you write a killer email.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

I was brought up in the wild by hyenas. Times were hard, food was scarce but we had some great laughs.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

Everyone who dramatically ‘quits’ social media is back in 48 hours like it was just a trial separation.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

Checking a selfie only to find there’s a demon in the reflection behind you, and it looks significantly healthier than you.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

May you heal from that fanfic that never got updated.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Just being myself is how we got into this mess.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Buying new glasses this week, so a whole bunch of you are about to get a whole lot uglier.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Whenever Im in trouble, I think, what would Jesus do? Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for 3 days.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

If I say I love you, it’s just the apocalypse talking.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on TikTok:

Can I be 20 again? I know what to do this time.

Going viral on Facebook:

At my age, I see no good reason to act my age.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

I’ve jogged with my jogging pants about as often as I’ve rolled through the kitchen with kitchen roll.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Toddlers will take your last nerve, deep fry it and eat it for breakfast.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

My kid asked where babies come from and I said everywhere, man, they’re worldwide.

Spotted on Instagram:

If I met someone like me, I’d be really concerned for them.

Trending via Pinterest:

Guy who normally applauds when the plane lands right before the pilot crashes it: “Boo!”

Just shared via Facebook:

Traveling back in time to proudly inform Benjamin Franklin that my stove has wifi.

Broadcasted on Discord:

If you see me in public, it’s AI.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Not everyone realizes this, but if you clean the pile of receipts out of a purse and stack them together, it makes a teeny tiny book about why you’re broke.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Funny finger counting quotes

New funny finger counting quotes 👇

How am I supposed to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next.

All funny finger counting quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨