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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

Wonder what I should wear to World War III.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

It’s interesting growing up and learning that most adults are not smart. I had my suspicions as a kid, but I didn’t think the situation was this dire.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

Pharaohs were buried with their hands crossed their chest because of their belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

Life sucks. One day you have tiramisu, and then most other days you don’t. I hate that.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

I told my wife to embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

Some of you need to clean your room before you take a selfie.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

What if instead of Big Mac it was Big Matt and he came out and said hello to you?

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!” Oh, it’s ok, you can just kill me next time.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

A gambler is only called an addict when he loses.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

There’s nothing worse than accidentally becoming an important person at your job.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,432

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Discord:

Today marks a five year anniversary of how I’ll start going to the gym tomorrow.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

This is actually worse than Biff Tennan’s future.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Of course babies cry when flying, their entire understanding of planes centers around them being eaten.

Spotted on Slack:

8 pm to 10 pm on a weeknight is the shortest that two hours can possibly be.

Spotted on Messenger:

If it’s one thing we’ve learned hiking, it’s the early bird that gets the face full of spiderwebs.

Going viral on Instagram:

Do you want to sit on the porch with me until we die or not?

Just shared via Discord:

“This too shall pass.” And then some other bullshit will come and take its place. It never f**king ends.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Did you know that if you listen to any Black Sabbath album backwards, you can hear them singing backwards?

Seen just now on X:

If at first you don’t succeed, try two more times so your failure is statistically significant.

Just shared via Threads:

My daily routine. Morning: Feeling tired, cranky and lazy. Afternoon: I could go for a nap. Night: I can’t sleep.

23 Funny government quotes

More funny government quotes 👇

It’s weird how the UFO’s always seem to crash in places that only the government and military have access to.

3 weeks ago

access, always, conspiracy, crash, government, humor, military, places, UFO, weird, weirdness
On my phone, you’ll never see contacts saved as ‘babe’ or ‘love.’ I save full names—first and last—like a government office.

3 weeks ago

babe, communication, contact, contacts, full, full name, government, government office, humor, i, identity, love, name, never, nickname, office, phone, phone contact, relationship, save, saved, texting
Yeah, the planet is dying. The government hates us. The animals are leaving. The aliens aren’t contacting us. We might be alone. It just might be you and me.

3 weeks ago

alien, aliens, alone, animal, animals, dying, existential, government, humor, just, leaving, loneliness, me, planet, relationship, us

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All funny government quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

26 shares on Discord this month:

You can be anything when you grow up. For instance, I am very tired.

28 shares on WhatsApp this month:

People keep wishing January was over like the worst month of the year isn’t coming up next. Thats like wishing someone would stop arguing with you and just punch you in the face.

97 shares on Reddit this month:

Whoever salts the fries at McDonald’s needs to come do the roads.

82 shares on Twitch this month:

I want to sit and read, take a nap, and snack. Basically, I want to be in kindergarten.

26 shares on Discord this month:

When you wish you could tell someone that won’t stop talking “Okay, we’re out of time today”, just like a therapist.

64 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Party rock is in the mouse tonighttt, piece of cheese I’m gonna take a big biteee.

33 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Jesus Christ. I haven’t seen a meltdown like that since Chernobyl.

50 shares on Instagram this month:

Could a mosquito drink blood out of a cup or something or are they legally required to Capri Sun my legs all summer?

93 shares on Instagram this month:

They should invent a person for me and me only.

45 shares on YouTube this month:

So sad. Elvis died before he could see the Lego movie. He woulda been like, ‘Mama, those blocks are movin’ and shakin.’

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

The phone is the most evil screen. The computer is somewhat evil, but less so than the phone. The TV is benevolent.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Writing ‘thanks.’ instead of ‘thanks!’ so you know I’m mad.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

I think you are suffering from a lack of vitamin ME.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

I totally understand those uncles and aunts who don’t attend gatherings.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

You’ll never be as lazy as the person who named the fireplace.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

Turns out strange women lying in ponds distributing swords was a better basis for a system of government actually.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

You don’t use a semicolons correctly; you use a semicolon confidently.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

For Valentine’s Day, I’m gift-wrapping a shirt my husband hasn’t worn in years. It’s the thought that counts—and technically, I thought of it twice.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

Monday is already sending me threatening glances from across the room.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

Going to hack Kanye’s account and make him post something normal.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

Americans saw water freeze at 0°C and said, “Let’s make that 32.”

Shared recently on Messenger:

Are we all getting a front-row seat to the end times, or what?

Shared recently on YouTube:

Ironically people who are good at giving advice find it difficult to follow their own.

Just landed via WeChat:

Ain’t nothing better than knowing you were right when everyone else thought you were crazy.

Freshly posted on X:

Imagine how scary sharks would be if they wore necklaces made out of our teeth.

Breaking via YouTube:

I’ve never met a problem I couldn’t turn into a disaster.

Shared recently on Slack:

I know my limits. I don’t always obey them, but I know them.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Every gift guide for men is like “A flannel flask to hold your knife flavored whiskey.”

Broadcasted on X:

“Full-time” should be 20 hours max, man. This is ridiculous. I’ve got other stuff to do.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Please solve a murder to prove you’re not a bot.

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Activity Log ✨

23 Funny government quotes

More funny government quotes 👇

It’s weird how the UFO’s always seem to crash in places that only the government and military have access to.

On my phone, you’ll never see contacts saved as ‘babe’ or ‘love.’ I save full names—first and last—like a government office.

Yeah, the planet is dying. The government hates us. The animals are leaving. The aliens aren’t contacting us. We might be alone. It just might be you and me.

All funny government quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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