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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

How do I tell Instagram I don’t want to see guys almost eaten by gators?

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

That moment when a zombie out for brains walks past you.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

Dating these days is like trusting a crackhead to come back with your change.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

I think it’s time when we buy new clothes that we have the option to buy the body they’re being modelled in too.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

I’m going to be real pissed if I get my shit together and the world ends.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

The worst part of a fender bender is having to get out of your car and meet a new person.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

Bro, you’re fine. You just need an impossible sequence of events to play out in perfect order against all odds and you’ll be fine.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

Shopping at the dollar store makes me feel rich and poor all at the same time.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

I’ve started taking a brisk walk straight after dinner and it’s saving me an absolute fortune on restaurant bills.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

As a child, I had the impression that I would be offered free drugs by strangers much more frequently than the 0 times it’s happened.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,437

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

When I don’t have money, I stop talking to women out of respect.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Having a job is crazy. When you’re at home, you feel lonely and want to go to work. When you’re at work, you’re exhausted and just want to go home.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Life is a highway: Too many cars, not enough bathrooms.

Making waves on Slack:

My back hurts too much to lean over anymore, going to have to resort to picking things up with a deep curtsy.

Going viral on Slack:

You know those couples who share their food? I mean, what kind of people are they? Aren’t they hungry?

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I remember when asking someone if they were on X meant something completely different.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

A collective orgasm would fix the world.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

“And on the 7th day he rested”. Obviously God had not yet created laundry at that point.

Going viral on YouTube:

Most puns make me feel numb, but math puns make me feel number.

Trending via Instagram:

For someone who is afraid of failure, I’m very unmotivated.

Funny intrusive quotes

Funny intrusive quotes are those hilarious little thoughts that pop into your head at the most unexpected moments 🤯😂. They sneak in uninvited, making you laugh, cringe, or just say, “Where did that come from?” 🤪 Whether it’s awkward situations or random brain chatter, these quotes capture the goofy side of our minds. Ready to embrace the chaos and giggle at the weirdness? Let’s dive into the funniest intrusions ever! 🎉🧠✨

New funny intrusive quotes 👇

All funny intrusive quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on Reddit this month:

Nature is fascinating. A dandelion makes it through concrete, while I get my head stuck in my sweater in the morning.

66 shares on Messenger this month:

I drive home so quick after work like I’m late for the house.

85 shares on Pinterest this month:

The more I insisted marshmallows were vegetables, the angrier my doctor got.

67 shares on YouTube this month:

Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It’s like Facebook in real life.

22 shares on Twitch this month:

We got the Christmas tree yesterday, and now my wife knows that I was the chief architect working on the leaning tower of Pisa.

33 shares on Pinterest this month:

(pausing the TV and turning to my kids) Now I want to talk to you guys for a second about what Bart just told that man to do.

54 shares on X this month:

To all of you who have never tried blindfold archery: You don’t know what you’re missing!

60 shares on Slack this month:

In my 20’s: why is eating healthy such a big deal anyways. In my 40’s: oh.

33 shares on Instagram this month:

I often wonder how men could discover entire continents. Mine can’t even find the butter in the fridge.

29 shares on Discord this month:

I am single, please disturb me!

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Every grocery store becomes an escape room if you see someone you know.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

How does a government that takes 40% of everyone’s money end up being trillions in debt?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I just want what every middle-aged person wants: to remember what it was that I wanted.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

The difference between us is that people can peck you and I’m impeccable.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

My boyfriend talks to everyone while I stand by quietly, planning my escape.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone’s a gangster until their doorbell rings.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Having a loose stool means two completely different things depending on if you are a nurse or a bartender.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I said “cool tattoo” to be nice not because I wanted to hear the 45 minute origin story.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

When you thought something would be easy peasy lemon squeezy, but it’s actually been stressy, depressy, lemon zesty.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Grape soda doesn’t taste at all like grapes, but it does taste like purple, and I don’t know how to explain that.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,656

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

I’m not shaking hands anymore. You may bow or kneel down.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

I’ve arrived like the sun: blinding, necessary, and impossible to ignore.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

I’m not calling anyone daddy unless I’m asking for money for the mall.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

Weekends now feel like short commercial breaks in a stressful movie.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

It’s amazing how much I accomplish around the house right before someone is coming over.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

If you wanna make someone cry, just show them the earliest year they can retire.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Ladies, repeat after me: “I was wrong and I am sorry!”

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

Every time I see a dog with its head out a window, I know it’s having a better day than I am.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

I feel sorry for dogs. They learnt to fetch newspapers, but newspapers are dying. Killed by an internet driven by cats.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

It sucks that brainwashing is a bad thing, because generally speaking the idea of washing my brain sounds so nice.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Your car antlers tell me everything I need to know about you.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Thanks to AI, some of us went from being told by our parents not to trust the internet to having to tell our parents not to trust the internet.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

I’m gonna start cursing people out but with biblical phrases like I hope your crops wither and bear no fruit and the ravens eat your mustard seeds.

Just shared via Reddit:

Where do I see myself in 5 years? I don’t even know where I am right now.

Spotted on Pinterest:

The worst part about going to work is the part where you have to go to work.

Trending via Reddit:

I’ve already broken all my resolutions and like four commandments.

Trending via LinkedIn:

The date abruptly ended over a disagreement on how to pronounce Gnocchi.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Isn’t your email address beautifulgirl@mydreams.com?

Seen just now on X:

Sorry, I had feelings. I’ll replace them with jokes right away.

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