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When you become the neighborhood car monitor, and all you got is your porch and judgy eyes! 🚗👀🧓😆
625 Funny know quotes
I hate when people ask me, “What did you do today?” Like, buddy, listen, I woke up at noon and then it was five p.m., okay? I don’t know.
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Time flies when you're busy doing absolutely nothing! 😂⏰🛋️
Just realized when I get a partner, that means my family is gonna know that I have feelings.
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Guess it's time to admit to the fam that I'm not a robot 🤖💖
Does anyone know what to do, like in general?
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When I was born, the instruction manual must have flown off into space 🚀🤔✨
Introverts have fun, too — we just don’t care if you know.
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Trying to convince my couch I'm having a wild night out 🍕🎉😎
Goodnight to the men who know one woman is enough. The rest can die.
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Sounds like someone is trying to secure some extra pillow space tonight! 😴😂❤️
I don’t know what’s more fun—grocery shopping or making the old men blush by asking if these melons look ripe.
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Melon musings can lead to blushing battles in aisle 7 🍈😳💬
Goodnight to the men who know one woman is enough. The rest can get sleep paralysis.
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Sleep tight, gentlemen! For the rest, may your sleep be as complicated as your love life! 😴🤦♂️💤
Wanna know a real adult life hack? Don’t tell anyone when you have a day off. Absolutely no one.
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In the witness protection program for lazy days 😎🤫 #UndercoverWeekend
Anyone know how to grow a money tree?
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I'm still trying to grow one, but all I got was a plant that demands expensive coffee. 🌱☕💸