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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

The global energy crisis could be solved if only we could harness the power of my wife slamming my car door.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

We often come across people in life who make us think: “Oh look, evolution takes a break too!”

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

From now on, every time I think I’m hating too much, I will think of Kendrick and realize I’m not hating to my full potential.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

I love being left to my own devices. It’s like yeah, these are my devices.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

Being single allows you to do a lot of things. For example, standing naked in the kitchen at night and eating cold pizza.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

The masculine urge to make a woman sit through a YouTube video that she will not find funny or entertaining.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

My friends have canceled our dinner plans two nights in a row. I’m starting to think they don’t like dinner.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

The most disturbing thing about waking up at 4 a.m. is realizing some people do this on purpose so they can exercise.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

Everyone’s a gangster until they turn a spoon the wrong way under running water.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

Having children is a pyramid scheme.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,322

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on LinkedIn:

I don’t understand baby oil. What are we greasing up all those babies for?

Trending via Telegram:

I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I’m the one with the money.

Just shared via Telegram:

I’m a pocket full of sunshine, not your dumping ground for grumpiness.

Trending via TikTok:

A month in Italy has halved my will to work and doubled my desire for money.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Keep scrolling, I’ve got nothing.

Just shared via Threads:

I offered my nephew a donut and he said “no thanks, I’m not hungry right now” and I don’t think this little guy knows how donuts work.

Just landed via Reddit:

Is it possible to die of horniness? Asking for a friend.

Breaking via Slack:

I have no idea how dishwasher tablets work. I’ve already taken five of them, and I still don’t feel like doing the dishes!

Seen just now on X:

Reading Shakespeare for the first time is crazy because you go, “Oh, that’s where that comes from,” every other page.

Just shared via TikTok:

Is it socially acceptable to wear pajamas all day if you’re constantly holding a coffee cup?

Funny pet companion quotes

Funny pet companion quotes 🐾 bring out the laughter and love that our furry friends inspire every day! Whether it’s their quirky habits or adorable antics, these witty sayings capture the joy of having pets as our ultimate sidekicks 🐶🐱. Get ready to smile, relate, and share the paw-sitivity with every tail wag and purr 😹🎉!

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All funny pet companion quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars ⭐

50 shares on Threads this month:

If you haven’t felt old yet today, try explaining to a teenager how little kids used to sit on a phone book at dinner to be able to reach the table.

23 shares on TikTok this month:

When I tell you “I’m open to feedback” I’m telling you to be nice to me or I’ll resort to violence.

64 shares on Reddit this month:

“At your big age” is one of my favorite insults.

80 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Adult friendships are difficult. The people I get on best with never want to leave the house either.

63 shares on X this month:

I have no desire to rekindle anything with anyone. See you never.

55 shares on Pinterest this month:

Never trust a wet fart.

58 shares on Snapchat this month:

According to my chocolate advent calendar, there are only 4 days until Christmas.

46 shares on Discord this month:

If stores want to accurately display clothes for people over 40, the mannequins should be laying on a couch.

20 shares on Slack this month:

If a billionaire is telling you to vote for someone, it’s probably in your best interest to vote for the other person.

95 shares on Pinterest this month:

Texting a man first feels like I’m on my hands and knees begging him to talk to me.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Hey girl, are you an extraterrestrial? ’Cause your husband’s out here acting like you don’t exist.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

If I could turn water into wine, I’d have lots of followers too.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s no one I respect more than duck hunters. You spent $15,000 on a camouflage boat to outsmart a duck.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Not to brag, but I was unhinged way before it was cool.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I lied, there’s no sex. Can you tell me a bedtime story?

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I want to text this person, but I need to have shame and self-respect.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

My therapist says I’m preoccupied with revenge. She’s going to regret that.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I could never be in the mafia, those guys stay up way to late.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

It scares me when you stay up late, like 3 a.m., and you hear a car go down the road, like, where are you going?

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I tried to clean up my Chrome tabs but it turns out all 200 of them contain information that is vital for my survival.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,743

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

I’m at the age where I consider any picture of me taken in the last ten years “current.”

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

“New password cannot be your old password” makes me so mad.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

It’s so hot that my shadow just went back inside and gave me the finger.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

The sexual tension between me and vanishing without context is insane.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Twitter is like a psych ward with no staff.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

Imagine you blocked me, and I crawled out from under your couch to ask why.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

McDonald’s only giving me 9 Chicken Nuggets instead of 10 is how my villain origin story began.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

Adult life sucks. Friends don’t even ask to see how fast you can run in your new shoes anymore.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Keep posting, I’m diagnosing you.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

Goodnight to the men who know one woman is enough. The rest can die.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Good morning to life’s chaos, where my coffee is the only thing that makes sense!

Seen just now on Pinterest:

My workout goals are simple: I’d just like to be able to get up off the floor without looking like a turtle trying to flip itself back over.

Just shared via Threads:

I’m sorry, being on social media gave you the impression I’m a social person.

Spotted on Facebook:

Reoccurring dreams be like: ‘I dunno, here’s a rerun’

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Your skull is the only thing preventing your brain from floating away, unburdened as it is by any meaningful thought to anchor it.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Hold on, let me overthink this.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Church should be less preachy and more eat-y.

Making waves on Discord:

At the dispensary asking which strain will stop the yearning.

Spotted on Threads:

Tornadoes are the most relaxing things in the news.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I want to live in a world where the plural of moose is mooses.

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