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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

“I’m just a girl!” No, you are a monster.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

Mambo No. 5, but it’s in a minor key, and I’m naming women who didn’t text me back.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

The question I ask myself most often is, “What would a jury think about this?”

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

“Angry on the internet” is such an unfortunate personality.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

My red flag is that I don’t make playlists on Spotify. I just add every song I’ve ever liked to the ‘Liked Songs’ playlist and shuffle that, like an iPod.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

I’m a simple person. All I need in life to be happy is to have everything go my way and work out how I want it to.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

“Nah.” – everyone with an office job, from the Monday after Thanksgiving until January 2nd.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

Ah, summer. When my non-consensual relationship with mosquitoes begins.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

Why does Bruce Wayne, the billionaire, not simply rig Gotham City’s elections in favor of tough-on-crime candidates?

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

I’m sick of the Microsoft Authenticator. Like, who would be logging in to do my work?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,554

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via X:

Fundamentally, I understand chess, because I too would never let my king feel unsafe.

Breaking via Telegram:

According to “The Hobbit”, Gollum was once a handsome young man who was robbed of his youth, zest for life and energy by putting on a ring. Men, think about it!

Just landed via Snapchat:

“I asked ChatGPT.” “I asked Grok.” Yeah, well, I just analyzed it from a Marxist perspective, and it was pretty obvious.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Oh I’m sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?

Going viral on Telegram:

May life treat you exactly the same way you treat servers, store clerks, senior citizens, children, and animals.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Home is where you can walk around like a bum.

Just landed via Facebook:

I am thick and tired.

Trending via Reddit:

Don’t tell me to trust my gut. Thats where I put my snacks. Clearly that’s where I’m the weakest.

Live now on Twitch:

If I complain about being out of shape, I don’t actually want fitness tips and workouts to try. I just want to complain and remain out of shape. What is wrong with you people?

Shared recently on X:

A haunted house but in every room someone is asking you to say a little something about yourself.

Funny portion quotes

Funny portion quotes serve up the perfect slice of humor 🍕😄 to brighten your day and tickle your funny bone! Whether you’re battling a tiny snack or a massive meal, these witty lines bring laughter to every bite 🍔😂. Ready for a delicious dose of chuckles? Dive in and savor the fun! 🍩🎉

New funny portion quotes 👇

What age do you learn to cook pasta for one and not for a whole village? Asking for a friend.

3 weeks ago

age, asking, cook, cooking, friend, humor, learn, pasta, portion, village, whole
According to the amount of bacon I just cooked, I’m 4 people.

4 weeks ago

bacon, cooking, food, humor, i, just, meal, people, portion
There are only two portion sizes for mashed potatoes: nowhere near enough (posh restaurants) or far, far too much (literally everyone else).

1 month ago

comparison, dining, else, enough, everyone, excess, food, humor, mashed, mashed potato, much, nowhere, portion, portion size, posh, potato, restaurant, size, too
I feel like a large portion of my adult life has been looking for an adult to do my adulting.

1 month ago

adult, adult life, adulthood, adulting, feel, humor, i, large, life, life struggle, looking, portion, procrastination, responsibility, struggle

All funny portion quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

49 shares on Reddit this month:

Are French bulldogs actually French? They seem kinda Puerto Rican.

51 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sorry I can’t help you move, my hands are in permanent air quotes.

92 shares on Twitch this month:

Pumpkin spice season comes earlier every year and yet some still deny climate change.

41 shares on Discord this month:

One day there will be condoms with Bluetooth that tell you whether you’re good in bed, how many calories you’ve burned and when the next train leaves.

29 shares on X this month:

Yeah, I’ll get up soon, I just need to look at the internet first. Yes, the whole thing.

91 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sorry, I’m late. I got here when I wanted to.

73 shares on Facebook this month:

Body: time to fall asleep. Brain: hey, that’s an interesting thought, here’s six billion more.

75 shares on Telegram this month:

If you like Christmas so much, why don’t you merry it?

56 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The real reason for global warming is that today’s young people are nowhere near as cool as we were back then.

26 shares on WeChat this month:

The subtle art of surviving this life with grace and dignity.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Can everyone please turn their A/C off during the day, we need that power to generate images of people with eight fingers.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I wonder if the sun also takes pictures of humanity going down?

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Not again. I mean good morning.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Kendrick inspires me to be a bigger, deeper, more passionate hater.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I do this fun little thing, where I take the time to write a grocery list, and then I forget it at home.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Traveling long distance without earphones feels like you’re serving a jail term.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

The perfect job for me would be the person staining things for detergent commercials.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Thinking after a concert that the artist liked your city/show the most is like thinking the bartender flirted with you.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Turns out, sitting on the porch, feeding birds and squirrels, is a pretty good treatment for depression.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,426

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

Should be able to shazam the inner yearnings of my heart.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

Nothing messes up your Friday like realizing it’s only Thursday.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

At the end of the day, the day is going to end.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Facial recognition technology, but for me when I’m talking to people I’ve apparently met before.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

Friendship is when you don’t tidy up before visitors arrive.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

Don’t drink to forget me, you’ll end up seeing me double.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

I’m never early… unless we’re talking about the airport.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

Deeply unfair of people to assume I have my life together just because I’m boring.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

They charge you for the groceries and then they charge you for the toilet paper when you turn the groceries into poop. Open your eyes!

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

The real challenge of adulthood is figuring out what to eat every day.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Telegram:

The laundromat should give you XP and ranks like “Slimelord” and “Glunkfather,” based on how dirty your clothes are.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Much like lasagna, I’m just held together by cheese at this point.

Trending via Instagram:

Me, when a 25-year-old talks to me: please be patient with me, I’m from the 1900s.

Just landed via Telegram:

Sorry, Mom, I can’t go outside, I’m ugly.

Live now on Threads:

The IRS needs special envelopes for when you’re not in trouble.

Just landed via Threads:

I wonder what John Connor thinks now that everyone is embracing AI.

Seen just now on X:

Does anyone else run a used match under water before disposing of it because you’re afraid it still has some fire left in it, or are you normal?

Seen just now on Twitch:

Please text me back. I’m about to start making stuff up in my head, and the stuff is all bad.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

My wife didn’t order anything from Amazon yesterday, so the driver gave us a knock this morning to make sure we were OK.

Just landed via Telegram:

People who sound like fonts: Ariana Grande. Roman Roy. Jim Courier. Lydia West. Bon Iver. Suella Braverman. Jesse Ventura.

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