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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

Wanted to update everybody on my diet. I’ve decided it’s okay to be fat.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

Maybe the clouds, trees, and flowers love looking at you too.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Can’t believe we used to throw eggs at houses, and now we can afford neither eggs nor houses.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

I voted for the candidate on the last yard sign I saw before pulling in. Slow children at play will lead us into the future.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Please stop calling 911 when you see me dancing. I’m fine!

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

If stores want to accurately display clothes for people over 40, the mannequins should be laying on a couch.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

“You’re under the weather?” We all are, idiot. It’s in the sky.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

‘I have a ripe avocado at home’ is my favorite excuse for cancelling plans.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

Three out of five times, my intuition is right. Not in casinos, though.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

Everybody boo’d up, and I’m getting treated like celery on a hot wing plate.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,349

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Instagram:

No thanks, I’m already in a committed relationship with reading.

Going viral on TikTok:

I was living in the moment until I was evicted.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

So heartbreaking to do laundry and realize you can’t wash the clothes you’re literally wearing right now… you will never have a completely fresh start.

Live now on Snapchat:

Men: Masters of multitasking – can watch sports, ignore laundry, and forget your birthday, all at once.

Seen just now on Discord:

At least 80% of my day is spent holding back my inappropriate thoughts.

Just shared via X:

Maybe one day a street will be named after me. Or a school. Or a mental hospital.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Why would I finish my thought when I could have a new, more exciting one?

Live now on Twitch:

My search history is filled with me googling regular words just to make sure I’m using them right.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I like listening to music in languages I don’t speak because sometimes I just don’t wanna know what anybody is talking about.

Spotted on X:

Who else writes “etc.” knowing damn well you don’t have more examples?

Funny sailing quotes

Funny sailing quotes bring waves of laughter 🌊😂 to every captain and crew! Whether you’re battling the wind or just enjoying the breeze, these witty words keep spirits high ⛵️😎. Perfect for sharing with your boating buddies or spicing up your nautical posts, get ready to set sail on a sea of smiles! 🚤🌞

New funny sailing quotes 👇

I’m gonna build a pirate ship and sail the high seas. Who’s coming with?

0

2 months ago

activity, adventure, build, coming, fun, fun activity, high, high seas, humor, invitation, pirate, sailing, seas, ship
That gap in my resume is from when I was lost at sea.

0

2 months ago

adventure, gap, humor, i, job, lost, resume, sailing, sea
Banana boats are powered by bananas. Everyone knows this.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, banana, boat, everyone, fruit, humor, joke, powered, sailing

All funny sailing quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

19 shares on Pinterest this month:

The list of women who haven’t slept with me is really impressive.

26 shares on Slack this month:

Shoutout to everyone pretending to have it together. Same.

74 shares on Slack this month:

To everyone I offended this year: do better next year, so I don’t have to do it again.

50 shares on WeChat this month:

I always mean what I say, I don’t always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it.

25 shares on Snapchat this month:

The first Humans saw the sun go up and then back down, and so they decided to call it a day.

98 shares on Threads this month:

A friend of mine decided to cut all the toxic people out of his life, or so I was informed.

19 shares on YouTube this month:

The volume of my TV is 100% dependent on what I’m currently chewing on.

42 shares on Threads this month:

My husband and I were doing yard work, but I started a fight so I could storm off into the air conditioning.

38 shares on Facebook this month:

If David Bowie taught us anything, it’s that being a little weird is better than being forgettable.

75 shares on WeChat this month:

Due to intense brain fog all of my thoughts have been grounded until further notice.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Wishing all the contacts in my phone “Merry Christmas, I hope you get what you deserve” and just letting that work itself out.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

You are not in a situationship. You are texting a man who doesn’t like you.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I love being outside, just not when it’s too cold or too hot or too wet or too windy or if there are bugs.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing refreshes my memory of what I need at the grocery store like coming home from the grocery store.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Who needs a period calendar when I know I’ll have it when I’m crying over nonsense things.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

*Pointing at a mothers shrieking baby* Is this guy bothering you?

12 folks are currently checking 👀

She left me because of my poor English. But I doesn’t care.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Nostalgia is mostly dumb nonsense, but movie rental stores were legitimately better than streaming.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

BREAKING: OpenAI to partner with OpenAI to help fund OpenAI. OpenAI up 90%.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I was brought up in the wild by hyenas. Times were hard, food was scarce but we had some great laughs.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,645

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

You know you’re getting old when you’re entering your birth year online and you need to spin that thing like you’re on wheel of fortune.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

I’m quitting my job to do topless tarot readings on the beach.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Unfortunately, I’m not nonchalant or mysterious. I’m just a naturally awkward person who becomes talkative once I’m comfortable.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

I keep forgetting i’m at the age where people will tell me they’re pregnant and my reaction is supposed to be positive.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

Ghosting is disrespectful unless it’s me doing it.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

I drink all this water and for what. Just to pee? This planet is a prison.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

Time Magazine should have a Worst Person of the Year!

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

I keep my eyes in great shape by rolling them constantly.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

What was the name of the boat in Titanic?

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

Tried to sleep by reading a boring book and now it’s suddenly the most interesting book.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Snapchat:

If you start a sentence with “Let me reiterate…”, I’m gonna ignore it the second time too.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Everyone’s gangsta until they spot a double rainbow in the sky.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Elevator rides in real life: 30 seconds long. Elevator rides in movies: Two minutes long.

Just shared via Reddit:

Oh, I didn’t tell you? Must have been none of your business, then.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Never wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.

Making waves on Telegram:

My credit score is a family of raccoons hissing over a McRib.

Spotted on Slack:

One of the best examples of someone posing a question that they already know the answer to is the WeightWatchers website asking me if I accept cookies.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Your Honor, that doesn’t sound like me.

Trending via Pinterest:

If you’re curious what the priciest item in a store is just bring a kid along because they’ll definitely find then break it.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Don’t forget to overestimate your importance today.

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