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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

Love that every time I finish a snack I have to wave my hands around to prove to my dog it’s all gone, like I’m cashing him out at a casino or something.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

Watched a movie on Netflix last night that was so bad, I walked out of my own house.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Oh, I shouldn’t worry? Why didn’t I think of that?

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

Hey Alexa… remind me why I walked into this room.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

I use karate strictly as a last resort, after I’ve exhausted fleeing and screaming.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

Can’t believe we stayed up and screamed “Happy New Year” for this shit.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

Sorry, I’m late. My alarm didn’t go off because I didn’t set it, because I don’t want to be here.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

Even at my most evil, I’m considerate.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

I love when I clean my whole apartment just to sit in it like a Victorian widow waiting for bad news.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

My favorite color is sunshine.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,329

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

The retirement age needs to be lowered to 40, I’ve had enough.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Imagine how organized the first person to write down a recipe must have been.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I tell my kids winning isn’t everything and then I steal money from the monopoly bank.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Every Microsoft Teams invite you get lowers your testosterone by 1-2%

Seen just now on WeChat:

Dua Lipa is a fantastic singer AND Mario’s advice to Luigi when he wants to get on a slightly higher platform.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Sometimes being on your phone all day is your destiny.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I never thought I would say this, and it took me a while to come to terms, but I think I ate too much bacon.

Just shared via Twitch:

You can always tell when a man’s mustache is performative and not representative of his true spirit.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I’ve got a headache, and it’s affecting my entire future.

Making waves on Facebook:

My credit score is a family of raccoons hissing over a McRib.

Funny sailing quotes

Funny sailing quotes bring waves of laughter 🌊😂 to every captain and crew! Whether you’re battling the wind or just enjoying the breeze, these witty words keep spirits high ⛵️😎. Perfect for sharing with your boating buddies or spicing up your nautical posts, get ready to set sail on a sea of smiles! 🚤🌞

New funny sailing quotes 👇

I’m gonna build a pirate ship and sail the high seas. Who’s coming with?

3 days ago

activity, adventure, build, coming, fun, fun activity, high, high seas, humor, invitation, pirate, sailing, seas, ship
That gap in my resume is from when I was lost at sea.

5 days ago

adventure, gap, humor, i, job, lost, resume, sailing, sea
Banana boats are powered by bananas. Everyone knows this.

2 weeks ago

absurdity, banana, boat, everyone, fruit, humor, joke, powered, sailing

All funny sailing quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on Pinterest this month:

Reading a book and coming across a character’s name that you don’t know how to pronounce, so for the rest of the book, every time you see it, your brain just goes ‘skdjfkskakfk.’

47 shares on Threads this month:

May the Force be with you… especially in Monday meetings.

62 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I didn’t believe in karma until I was scheduled to work at 6am on a holiday.

44 shares on Facebook this month:

Seeing a grown man stumble when the train moves is disgusting. How will you provide for anyone?

70 shares on YouTube this month:

I respect the moon’s unwillingness to be photographed on a phone.

15 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m ugly but I can make u laugh.

17 shares on X this month:

If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

60 shares on Threads this month:

The leading cause for injury in old men is them thinking they are still young men.

77 shares on Snapchat this month:

If they treat you like an option, leave them like a choice, and make your exit as dramatic as a Netflix season finale.

58 shares on Reddit this month:

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here hating myself.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m growing a mullet so no one will want to hangout with me.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m tired of adding ‘LOL’ to the end of my texts for sensitive people.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Once you understand why pizza is made round, packed in square boxes, and eaten as a triangle, then you will understand women.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

“What’s something you’d tell your younger self?” You can have ice cream for dinner, nobody will stop you.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Happy return of “yes of course it’s bedtime, see how dark it is outside” to all parents who celebrate.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not dying, it’s just Thursday.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I always ask for a receipt so I can keep them in my purse for 86 years.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m confused how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Winter. You get up, drink coffee and then it gets dark.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

My nephew asks so many questions that Alexa just told him it’s okay to bathe with the toaster.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,483

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

I don’t remember what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a broke, stressed-out, over-thinker with no clothes that fit.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

I think it broke my boyfriend’s heart when I said he couldn’t have Salma Hayek for Valentine’s Day.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

IKEA is the swedish word for “relationship meltdown in a public place.”

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

I love how my brain is like, “We’re not going to think about that,” and then thinks about only that.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

My New Years resolutions are to do some things, and stop doing some other things.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

You know you’re getting old when you clean the house to the music you used to go out to.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

Monsters can’t hide under my bed. That’s where my cats have their fight club.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Of course, my summer body is ready; it’s the same as my winter body but sweatier.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

Phone dry, no food in the house, I keep dying in my game. I’m such a loser.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

“How is the job search going?” First of all, that is a violent question. And it hurts me, by the way. And second, how the hell should I know.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

Objection your honor, if the prosecutor doesn’t have anything nice to say then he shouldn’t say anything at all.

Going bananas on X:

Thinking about writing my own eulogy because I don’t want my loved ones to say I’m a control freak.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Where do cicadas go when they’re not screaming? I’d like to go there and scream.

Broadcasted on X:

If anything goes wrong today, just dramatically whisper, “The prophecy has been fulfilled,” and walk away.

Going viral on Threads:

When someone says “I don’t want a relationship right now” the “at least not with you” is silent.

Making waves on Slack:

Zara makes clothing for occasions that don’t exist.

Live now on Facebook:

Yes, my date did get up and leave during dinner, but luckily she hadn’t finished her food.

Seen just now on Slack:

I don’t know the difference between “gray” & “grey” and I’m too scared to even ask.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I personally get offended when rain is referred to as “bad weather.”

Spotted on Threads:

Anyone know how to create an Outlook rule that sends every email to junk, deletes it, blocks the sender, and sets my laptop on fire?

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