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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

What is it called when you were overthinking, and it turns out you were right?

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

I held the door for an old person today and he was like, “didn’t we go to high school together” and we did.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

My soulmate is chocolate cake.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Don’t rush into a relationship. Be friends first. Maybe they have hotter friends. Thank me later.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

I don’t understand why my cooking was garbage. I did everything right. I drank wine while I cooked. I had a hand towel over my shoulder. Literally everything right.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

Why’d they call it a fly swatter and not a splatula?

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

No more learning experiences, please, God. I am smart enough.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

When people suck the life out of you, they should take some fat too.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

In English we say: “You changed.” But in poetry we say: “You became a stranger wearing the face I used to love, and I am haunted by the ghost of who you were.”

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

It’s so hot out, I just hydroplaned off the toilet seat at work.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,694

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Slack:

Just shaved my whole body for Santa.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I see stand-up comedy as a stepping stone to television. A few more paid gigs and I’ll be able to afford a television.

Trending via Pinterest:

Old people be like, “No elbows on the table, it’s rude,” then say something racist.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

Breaking via Messenger:

Telling the guy next to me on the subway that I’m not even ticklish, so don’t bother trying.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

It’s all fun and games until your jeans don’t fit any more.

Just landed via Snapchat:

That awkward moment when you spend an hour online picking out a gift for your friend’s son’s birthday and Amazon tells you it’s been a year since you bought this item.

Going viral on WeChat:

You don’t need fun to have alcohol.

Breaking via Snapchat:

My two moods are eating a breakfast sandwich or wishing I was eating a breakfast sandwich.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Went for a walk. Very pleasant evening. The squirrels and rabbits kept running away from me. That stung a little. I will remember their faces.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

44 shares on Twitch this month:

At a job interview: think of me as the rightful heir to the throne.

42 shares on Telegram this month:

Someday I’ll learn how to emotion like a proper human.

35 shares on Threads this month:

I was guest-starring on The Love Boat when you woke me up. You’re dead to me.

21 shares on Discord this month:

My ex was like “I know a spot,” then took me to the lowest point in my life.

10 shares on Instagram this month:

Stop asking me if I’m tired. Can’t I just be ugly?

94 shares on Telegram this month:

If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel by now.

24 shares on WhatsApp this month:

When I die, throw me on Mount Everest so it looks like I was trying to do something.

54 shares on TikTok this month:

Please don’t interrupt me when I’m trying to overhear something.

100 shares on Twitch this month:

I would rather walk directly into the ocean than tell people a fun fact about myself.

58 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Drinking 3L of water daily helps you avoid other people’s drama because you’re too busy peeing. Stay hydrated.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

If I win the lottery, no one around me will be broke, and I truly mean that. I will move to a wealthy neighborhood.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

My kid asked me if I’ve ever experienced hallucinations, which is an odd thing to ask considering I don’t have any kids.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

The first pyramid scheme was when the Egyptians took credit for the pyramids that were clearly built by aliens.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Changing my passwords regularly has certainly helped protect my accounts. Against me.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Parents will give you a lecture about fake friends and then get scammed by their own siblings.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Being friends with introverts is hard sometimes. Did they die? Are they just recharging? Are they Batman now? The suspense is killing me.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m going to break into your house and steal that thing with the little wheels on it under the plate in your microwave.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t need the audio tour at the museum, I have my teen to provide critical commentary the entire time.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

My husband has entered the “fun socks” years.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Today I learned that up to half of the worker ants in a colony are only pretending to work, just looking busy so they don’t get tasked with anything. I respect ants so much more.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,301

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

I can relate to America, because I too am about to enter a depression.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

Girls will be like “it’s fine” and then go and curse your whole bloodline.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

All I want is to live well and to die in a manner so bizarre and gruesome it can only be described with a German word.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

You can tell me what you want, but alcohol and eye contact are a dangerous combination.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

If at first you don’t succeed, that’s so embarrassing. Why are you so bad at this?

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

Can’t, trying to piece together today’s news from social media posts.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

People say I act like I don’t care. It’s not an act.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

Forget the alarm clock. Just give me the smell of bacon and coffee.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

Do you mind if I become the object of your desire? No worries if not.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

The first pyramid scheme was when the Egyptians took credit for the pyramids that were clearly built by aliens.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Reddit:

“Your boos mean nothing to me. I’ve seen what you cheer.” Is a goated doctrine. If Rick and Morty gave us anything, it gave us that.

Going viral on Twitch:

I love how spring sprung and then disappeared again.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Is the elephant in the room with us right now?

Just shared via Slack:

Thanksgiving ain’t been the same ever since my uncle pulled that gun out on everybody.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Updating my resume. Anyone got a more professional word for “dumpster fire”?

Shared recently on Discord:

If you’re a squatter, every day is leg day.

Making waves on Slack:

(Flirting) What’s every single thing you’ve ever thought?

Live now on WeChat:

I’m full of rage, but in a very chill and nonchalant way.

Trending via Instagram:

I’m so old, I used to cry as a child because I fell off my skateboard or bike, not because I didn’t have wifi.

Just shared via Snapchat:

If a demon ever possessed me, I’d just sit back and say, “Your problem now.”

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