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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

Well, well, well, if it isn’t the holiday traffic I said I’d avoid even though I did nothing to avoid it.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

Isn’t it weird that we have one hand that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like ‘I don’t know how to hold a pencil.’

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

Twitter is just a virtual mental hospital.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Before the internet, people thought that there was only one idiot per town. We were so wrong.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

Sex is cool but have you ever had your bed all to yourself.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

I have no desire to work now. I had five days off in a row where I dined at a feast and was entertained at a cinema. I have flown too high to return to a laptop.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

Wisdom of the day: Don’t do anything you don’t want to explain to the paramedic.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

Please don’t invite me over if you have a leather chair that’s already peeling. I will peel it some more when you’re not looking.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Imagine being a bald vampire and every time you walk by a mirror your toupée is just floating.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

The ’90s were a time of blissful ignorance where we expected rock stars to sleep with groupies.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

215 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,484

Funny Quotes Topics

17,554

Funny Quotes Images

15,484

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,362

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Discord:

My kids had to work extra hard this morning but they were able to get the clean house back to it’s normal messy state just in time for the guests to arrive.

Spotted on X:

Did you know there are people who go away for 3 days and only pack 3 days’ worth of clothing?

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Congress taking an entire month off in a country where most people don’t get more than 2 weeks’ vacation is awesome.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Imagine how scary sharks would be if they wore necklaces made out of our teeth.

Just shared via Twitch:

The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I’m not saving daylight. I’m the one that needs saving.

Shared recently on Reddit:

If reports from this daisy are accurate, she loves me not.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Now that Christmas and New Year are out of the way, we can focus on the things that really matter: My posts.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

We’ve all at least once caught our toes when putting on our knickers and jumped around the room like idiots.

Just shared via WeChat:

When the Olympics finally introduces the event “Dropping your phone and very nearly catching it but not quite” then you’ll all see me shine.

Getting older is so fun. Your life goals slowly transition from things like ‘land a dream job’ to ‘successfully grow a cherry tomato.’

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🌱🍅 My dream job now is Tomato Whisperer, and the only promotion I want is more sunlight! 😄🌞

aging, cherry, cherry tomato, dream, dream job, fun, gardening, getting, goal, goals, grow, growing, growing plant, humor, job, land, life, life goal, older, plant, success, things, tomato, transition

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

All these years on the internet we have been working for artificial intelligence.

0

2 months ago

artificial, artificial intelligence, humor, intelligence, internet, technology, work, year
The ideal girlfriend breaks your heart, so you go on to do great things.

0

2 months ago

breaks, girlfriend, great, growth, heart, heartbreak, humor, ideal, inspiration, love, motivation, relationships, resilience, things
Had chicken and egg for dinner because I wanted to eat the whole family.

0

2 months ago

chicken, dinner, eat, egg, family, food, humor, i, joke, wanted, whole
He’s making a list, he’s checking it twice, he’s leaving the store, he still forgot milk.

0

2 months ago

checking, forgetfulness, forgot, holiday, humor, leaving, list, making, milk, shopping, still, store, twice
I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.

0

2 months ago

back, creativity, humor, i, music, normal, remix
The week between Christmas and New Year’s should be studied as it is clearly a wormhole, disturbing time and space.

0

2 months ago

Christmas, disturbance, holiday, humor, new, new year, space, time, week, wormhole, year

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

46 shares on Snapchat this month:

That moment when you cut into a seedless watermelon and find out it’s only allegedly seedless.

75 shares on YouTube this month:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here eating Nutella from the jar with a spoon.

64 shares on Discord this month:

I can’t afford a vehicle with wing doors, so I buy the Tupperware with lids which open that way.

99 shares on Reddit this month:

People who cook breakfast before going to work are too mature for me.

18 shares on Facebook this month:

Having to pee really puts things into perspective. Like, OK, none of this matters.

94 shares on Messenger this month:

If my dog knew how many photos I have of him sleeping, he’d file a restraining order against me.

60 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Establish dominance by asking your dentist if he’s flossing everyday.

85 shares on Reddit this month:

Sorry, the deadline for complaints was yesterday.

75 shares on Telegram this month:

You are never too old to achieve your dreams. Prince Charles had to wait 73 years.

96 shares on Facebook this month:

For once, I’d like to spiral into control.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

My cat and I talked it over and no we don’t think that I’m crazy.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

Not sure how to flirt, but I can make things awkward if you’re into that.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

God, never seen San Francisco this bad. Spiderwebs completely covering entire business, skeletons just strewn about sidewalks in every neighborhood. Things have got to change!

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

Cowboy outfits should be called ranch dressing.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

Imagine if every time you stepped into an elevator, it played the “Mission Impossible” theme.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

I remember when “disinformation” used to be called “lies.”

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

A bridesmaid, but to carry the end of my CVS receipt.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

They should send the Epstein list to everyone’s phones like that U2 album.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

Let’s tell the truth cell phone. I don’t have six missed calls. I have six ignored calls.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

Mice after a breakup be like “we are not on squeaking terms”.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

Have y’all tried calories? They’re so good.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Guys, stop showering. I need the water for ChatGPT.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Is stir-fry the only dish where the instructions are in the name?

Broadcasted on Messenger:

There’s no better feeling than coming home and immediately changing into your Adam Sandler fit.

Seen just now on Slack:

If I were a bird, I know who I’d poop on.

Just shared via Instagram:

Pumpkin spice season comes earlier every year and yet some still deny climate change.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

If you listen to my husband snore, you don’t need Jurassic Park anymore.

Shared recently on X:

The older I get, the more I start to understand the appeal of birdwatching as a hobby. I do find myself watching these little troublemakers quite often.

Trending via Slack:

Libraries were a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people shouldn’t be allowed to talk.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Might quit my job to focus on summer.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Getting older is so fun. Your life goals slowly transition from things like ‘land a dream job’ to ‘successfully grow a cherry tomato.’

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

All these years on the internet we have been working for artificial intelligence.

The ideal girlfriend breaks your heart, so you go on to do great things.

Had chicken and egg for dinner because I wanted to eat the whole family.

He’s making a list, he’s checking it twice, he’s leaving the store, he still forgot milk.

I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.

The week between Christmas and New Year’s should be studied as it is clearly a wormhole, disturbing time and space.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨