Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

Yes officer, I’d like to file a restraining order against my dentist’s appointment reminder system.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

When I say someone is a good doctor, it’s entirely based on the strength of their waiting room Wi-Fi.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

Everyone’s all up in arms about how undemocratic the electoral college is and yet we let our weather be decided by a single unelected groundhog.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

A chocolate advent calendar is a test of restraint that I simply do not have.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

I would love to be normal, but unfortunately, I was raised by the internet and a microwave.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

If you call me “daddy” in bed, I will immediately stop what we are doing and make you clean your room.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

The absolute hottest thing you can do in front of a woman is tame a horse, but unfortunately, modern life affords us little opportunities for that.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

Enjoying the consequences of my actions.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

I’m heading to the beach without a beach body.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

It’s almost time to put away my black summer clothes and bring out my black fall clothes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

231 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,500

Funny Quotes Topics

17,568

Funny Quotes Images

15,500

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,518

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I’m so old, I used to cry as a child because I fell off my skateboard or bike, not because I didn’t have wifi.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Sorry, I missed your call. I watched it ring and everything.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Starting is the hardest part. Unless it’s eating chocolate. Then stopping is the hardest part.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

You’re not entertaining, you are exittaining.

Just landed via Twitch:

I’m convinced a lot of people online are communicating from prison.

Broadcasted on Slack:

According to a recent study, women who are a little overweight live longer than men who mention it.

Seen just now on Discord:

My bit for Thanksgiving is going to be constantly bringing up politics, but pronouncing every politician’s name slightly incorrectly.

Making waves on Instagram:

You should be able to donate somebody else’s body to science.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

My dog is quite vain. Whenever the doorbell rings, he thinks it’s for him.

Just landed via Discord:

I hate being responsible for my own meals because I’ll either spoil myself or starve for most of the day.

Honestly, will never top the year I told everyone I was going to be Amelia Earhart for Halloween, and then didn’t show up to the party.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
That's some next-level commitment to the theme! Amelia Earhart would be proud! 🛩️🎃🕵️‍♀️

amelia, Amelia Earhart, costume, earhart, everyone, funny story, going, Halloween, i, joke, never, no show, party, show, story, told, top, year

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If you talk about astrology, and no one stops you, it means you must be incredibly pretty.

0

2 months ago

appearance, astrology, beauty, compliment, humor, interaction, means, pretty, social, social interaction, talk, talking
Just paid my rent, now I have a warm place to starve in.

0

3 weeks ago

financial, financial struggle, housing, humor, i, irony, just, money, paid, place, rent, starve, starving, struggle, survival, warm, warmth
There I was, quietly reliving my dream of having my own house, when suddenly I was attacked by insane prices.

0

2 months ago

attack, dream, expenses, having, homeownership, house, humor, i, own, prices, reality
I don’t know who needs to hear this right now, but it’s time to fold the laundry that’s been lying around since last Sunday.

0

2 months ago

adulting, around, chores, cleaning, fold, hear, humor, i, know, last, laundry, lying, motivation, needs, procrastination, right, Sunday, time
There’s something so spiritual about new life. When I look my baby nephew in the eyes, I can’t stop thinking about how amazing it will be to connect with him on LinkedIn.

0

2 months ago

amazing, baby, connect, eyes, family, i, life, LinkedIn, nephew, new, new life, something, spiritual, stop, thinking
Women’s skincare is so confusing. Am I supposed to look shiny and sweaty, or matte like cement?

0

2 months ago

am, beauty, confusing, confusion, cosmetics, humor, i, makeup, matte, satire, shine, shiny, skincare, sweaty, women

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

10 shares on Facebook this month:

Home is where the tap water doesn’t taste funny.

49 shares on X this month:

Have you ever noticed that when you step on someone’s foot, they open their mouth? It’s like a folding trash can.

72 shares on Pinterest this month:

The real morning people are the ones that wake up to call radio stations.

76 shares on Slack this month:

Maybe if I spend another day alone in my room then something life-changing will suddenly happen to me!?

93 shares on Messenger this month:

We could have high-speed rail that connects the entire country, but instead we get AI porn bots that steal all of our drinking water to entertain the dumbest people alive.

91 shares on Pinterest this month:

Evenings after work finish too quickly, one meal, one show, and it’s already tomorrow morning.

31 shares on Instagram this month:

Do beavers even know what they’re doing, or do they just see water flowing down a river and think, “Absolutely not”?

29 shares on Snapchat this month:

Monday holds the record for being the worst day of the week.

30 shares on Telegram this month:

Meeting Beyoncé and telling her I loved her in Goldmember and mentioning nothing about her music career, just to see if it throws her off.

98 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My ego is bruised so I’m going to ice it with some cold beer.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

I’m like … if parking too far away from the curb was a person.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m forced to conclude that not liking my posts is a you problem.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

There are approximately 1,010,300 words in the English language, but I could never string enough words together to properly express how much I want to hit you with a chair.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

I’ve just turned off the news and put on a serial killer documentary to relax.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

Establish dominance by maintaining eye contact whilst twerking.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

I’m so tired. Let’s see all of the horrible things happening in the world today before I try to sleep peacefully.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

I don’t consider myself anything but average. However, I have aged well.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

I like listening to true crime podcasts while I clean my bathroom because I can pretend I’m destroying evidence.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

Concert tickets should be 75% off if the artist is really super special to you.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

Crazy how people can merge perfectly at McDonald’s, but not on the highway.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Me, when a 25-year-old talks to me: please be patient with me, I’m from the 1900s.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

If you can’t handle me at my worst just imagine how I feel.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I love all the Winter Olympic events, sliding downhill on a piece of wood, sliding downhill on two pieces of wood, sliding downhill in a piece of wood. All amazing.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Monday again. I just knew this would happen.

Just shared via Twitch:

If I ever go missing, please print my picture on wine bottles and not on milk boxes. My friends are more likely to find me then.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Ain’t no way there’s billions of us and nobody got superpowers.

Just shared via Telegram:

Music just makes living on this earth a little bit more bearable.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Sadly, I do my best proofreading after I hit “send.

Seen just now on Discord:

Schedule your appointment early in the month before your dentist starts fretting about their next boat payment.

Breaking via Threads:

Carrying my phone from room to room like a Victorian woman and her lantern.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Honestly, will never top the year I told everyone I was going to be Amelia Earhart for Halloween, and then didn’t show up to the party.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

If you talk about astrology, and no one stops you, it means you must be incredibly pretty.

Just paid my rent, now I have a warm place to starve in.

There I was, quietly reliving my dream of having my own house, when suddenly I was attacked by insane prices.

I don’t know who needs to hear this right now, but it’s time to fold the laundry that’s been lying around since last Sunday.

There’s something so spiritual about new life. When I look my baby nephew in the eyes, I can’t stop thinking about how amazing it will be to connect with him on LinkedIn.

Women’s skincare is so confusing. Am I supposed to look shiny and sweaty, or matte like cement?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨