I got Botox, and I asked the doctor, “How many years younger will this make me look?” and he was like, “Zero. You’ll just look like the other girls your age who have also gotten Botox.”

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

Sorry I’m late, I was fighting for my right to party.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

Netflix will help you finish the name of the movie you’re typing, and then tell you they don’t have it.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

You’re confusing me with someone who cares what you think of me.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Warning: not watching the news may lead to a heightened sense of joy, security, and optimism.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

In my 20’s: I want to find true love. In my 40’s: I just want a toaster that gets me.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

Here’s the problem with fruit: it’s inconsistent. Some apples are delicious, some taste bad. Sometimes blueberries are great, sometimes they are disgusting. You know what’s the same every time? Doritos.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

No haunted houses for me this year. If I wanna be frightened, I’ll just look at my 401k.