Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Maybe your dog is barking at my luggage because he doesn’t enjoy his job, officer.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

I’ve done the math and I regret to inform you I’m your soulmate.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

Your future doctor is using ChatGPT to pass med school so you better start eating healthy.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

I need a horror movie where a kidnapper abducts a possessed child and finds out.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

Having to confirm your past purchases over the phone with your bank’s fraud department is a truly harrowing moment of self-examination for chronic little treat buyers.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

It’s never too early to be sad about having to work the next day.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

Diarrhea. Having it. Spelling it. Everything about it is shit.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Adulthood will turn Gmail into part of your social media routine.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

If you have any questions or concerns please don’t. Hesitate to ask.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

Elections is like waiting for the results of a biopsy, except half your family hopes it’s cancer.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

219 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,488

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,488

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,616

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Threads:

Just burned 2,000 calories trying to avoid someone I know at Walmart.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here plucking chin hairs.

Trending via Twitch:

The ‘b’ in ‘subtle’ totally is.

Spotted on TikTok:

Gonna start using “with all dude respect”.

Spotted on Slack:

There’s nothing like sitting by an open fire and watching the evidence burn.

Going viral on Pinterest:

You can recognize working-class kids by the fact that they hang their jacket over the chair in the restaurant and not on the coat hook.

Going viral on Instagram:

Starting conversations with short people by saying “back when I was your height…”

Live now on Slack:

Nothing flies faster than the ketchup out of the bottle when you only want a little.

Breaking via Telegram:

The worst thing you can do when cleaning your house is “sit down for a minute.”

I love unplanned fun.

21 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Embracing spontaneity like a cat with a laser pointer 😺🔦🎉

fun, i, love, spontaneity, unplanned, unplanned fun

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I hope this email kills us both.

0

2 months ago

both, communication, email, frustration, hope, humor, i, sarcasm, stress, us, work
Rather than work on my issues, I’m counting on my personality getting changed by a falling coconut.

0

2 months ago

change, coconut, counting, falling, falling coconut, getting, humor, issue, issues, personality, work
If onion powder is dehydrated onions blitzed into powder, how much onion powder would I need to consume to have eaten a whole onion?

0

3 days ago

cooking, dehydration, eaten, food, food question, food science, humor, i, measurement, much, need, onion, onion powder, onions, powder, question, science, whole
I don’t want to party like it’s 1999, I want to go grocery shopping like it is.

0

2 months ago

1999, activity, fun, fun activity, grocery, grocery shopping, humor, i, nostalgia, party, shopping, want
It’s called a Caesar Salad because you stab it a bunch of times when you eat it.

0

2 months ago

Caesar, caesar salad, cooking, eat, food, food humor, funny food, humor, joke, salad, stab, times
Silently hoping for a comet to strike, to get out of today’s responsibilities.

0

6 months ago

comet, escape, hope, hoping, humor, procrastination, responsibility

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

97 shares on Reddit this month:

Every morning I wake up and make the worst possible time management decisions anyone has ever made.

55 shares on Instagram this month:

My dad wasn’t absent or present; he was a secret third thing.

85 shares on TikTok this month:

Shy with a mean resting face is a crazy combo.

93 shares on YouTube this month:

The sweet spot is just enough pain to know you’re alive, but not quite enough to wish you were dead.

82 shares on TikTok this month:

I like my Jims slim and my chances fat.

31 shares on Facebook this month:

Being gracefully insane is the only way to survive life’s daily bullshit.

73 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t drink alcohol. I like suffering raw.

45 shares on Messenger this month:

Why do boys never buy the Pro Max iPhones? I swear it’s only girls with big phones.

54 shares on Threads this month:

Bro, you’re fine. You just need an impossible sequence of events to play out in perfect order against all odds and you’ll be fine.

11 shares on Twitch this month:

Coconut water taste like it’s been in someone else’s mouth.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

If a ham is allowed to spiral then so am I.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

Your honor, I was under the impression it was hammer time.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Not to brag, but I don’t need alcohol to send texts I’ll regret.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

I like it when someone feeds me their food without me asking. I feel like a part of my inner child heals.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

Before social media, you had to actively go out and find crazy people.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

You don’t have to be crazy to hang out with me. I’ll train you.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

For Halloween, I wanna be loved.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Got fired on my first day working at the drugstore for calling my new coworkers ‘my pharmily’.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

I bet when you invited me to Thanksgiving dinner you didn’t think I’d stay this long.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

Being gracefully insane is the only way to survive life’s daily bullshit.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

I’m at the gym and I just saw someone put their water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.

Shared recently on Discord:

Wish I could just go back to eating cookies and not knowing what day it was.

Just shared via Threads:

Ponytails are only hot on women, bro.

Going viral on Facebook:

Floating on a rock in space, but yeah – 9 to 5 sounds reasonable.

Breaking via Instagram:

The date abruptly ended over a disagreement on how to pronounce Gnocchi.

Just shared via Facebook:

Forget about “long story short”… I’m gonna start saying “short story long,” and take you on a journey you didn’t ask for.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I never learned to swim because I didn’t think it would ever be more than an hour since I last ate.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Non-parents be like: I would simply instruct the toddler to do something he doesn’t want to do, and he would obey.

Going viral on Threads:

For someone who is afraid of failure, I’m very unmotivated.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Bugs Bunny taught me that my choices aren’t limited to fight or flight, I can also pretend I’m a pretty lady.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I love unplanned fun.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I hope this email kills us both.

Rather than work on my issues, I’m counting on my personality getting changed by a falling coconut.

If onion powder is dehydrated onions blitzed into powder, how much onion powder would I need to consume to have eaten a whole onion?

I don’t want to party like it’s 1999, I want to go grocery shopping like it is.

It’s called a Caesar Salad because you stab it a bunch of times when you eat it.

Silently hoping for a comet to strike, to get out of today’s responsibilities.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨