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Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

People in their 20s be like, “This is my emotional support master’s degree.”

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

The Internet is fun because you can post about banana bread and somehow end up in a fight.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

I’m already far too stressed as it is. And then you also have to have time to just sit there and do nothing.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

Being silly is very important for my mental health.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

Insomniacs who are not afraid of the dark have nighty-night problems but the pitch ain’t one.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

Can I do better? Yes. Will I do better? Probably not.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

Please don’t dm me with the intention of dating me. You deserve less.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

At least I’m part of the generation that at 30 still looks like it’s in its early 20s.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

I tried explaining crypto to my nine-year-old, and she said, “It sounds like someone is trying to sell you their imaginary friend.”

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

Imagine how much better the world would be if everyone set aside their differences and came together as one to buy me a castle.

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Updated

Jan 31, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WhatsApp:

Presumably, if you had a time machine, you could just kill young adult Hitler. The baby part seems gratuitous.

Shared recently on Slack:

I want a pet eagle that’s trained to steal people’s sandwiches for me.

Spotted on Instagram:

My mother always told me, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing at all.” Needless to say, I’m not much of a conversationalist.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Like many men my age, my biggest regret is hiring the inexpensive hitman.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I hope Instagram is still active during the apocalypse, so the zombies can post pics of whose brains they’re currently eating.

Going bananas on Slack:

Welcome to your 50s, your knees will now decide when you will sit down.

Just landed via Slack:

Going to the beach the day after watching Jaws hits different.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Just another day of not being hot and rich.

Just shared via Messenger:

You ever want someone so bad it pisses you off a little.

I received a DM telling me that I’ve offended some of you. I’m truly sorry; I meant to offend all of you.

3 months ago

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Social Media Stars ⭐

10 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Fellas, if your lady is mad, ask her if it’s because she’s put on some weight. That’ll calm her down.

25 shares on Threads this month:

I don’t post for money or fame, I post because there’s something seriously wrong with me.

24 shares on Pinterest this month:

Apple’s secret growth engine: vibe coders paying the $99 Apple Developer Program fee.

33 shares on Instagram this month:

I think God’s next test for me should be, “Can he handle a ridiculous amount of money.”

23 shares on Instagram this month:

The final stage of being single is when you listen to a love song and no one comes to mind; at that point, you’ve achieved absolute singularity.

88 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I woke up again, it’s pathetic how much death fears me.

80 shares on Snapchat this month:

Wanted to update everybody on my diet. I’ve decided it’s okay to be fat.

100 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Does anyone have the number of the witch from Snow White? I need a few apples.

96 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My problem is I buy outfits I don’t have shoes for and shoes I don’t have outfits for.

76 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I can melt an ice cube just by staring at it. It takes a while, but I can do it.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

Everyone’s a gangster until their doorbell rings.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

I applied for a job and got it, and now I really have to go there. Crap!

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

This entire “presidency” is like being tied to a chair and watching a toddler play with a loaded pistol.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

Putting sunscreen on kids feels like cardio.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

Can’t wait for this AI bubble to pop so we can all go back to normal, just like how the internet completely disappeared after the dot-com bubble popped.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

I am the proud father of two content providers. I mean children. Two children.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

Therapy is cool but singing as loud as you can in your car is free.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

I was about to stop overthinking, then I thought of a giraffe having a sore throat.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

I’m an atheist, so if you send prayers, I’ll send thoughts.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

My head is starting to get dented from hitting rock bottom so often.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

Why do they have to make things childproof when I’m still functioning at a kindergarten level of dexterity?

Live now on Snapchat:

Went to the hairdresser today and now I look much younger. I’m thinking about going back tomorrow.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

My family was too poor for a gene pool, so we soaked our genes in rye whiskey.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I’ve never had a beer in the shower; I’m saving it for a very low moment in my life.

Just landed via Instagram:

Next time I feel butterflies, I’m chugging down a bottle of tequila so they drown.

Just landed via Slack:

If I could go back in time, I’d probably stop Bruce Willis from saving us from that asteroid.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Having a kid is so fun when you’re childish, like yeah, it’s my turn with the slime, boo.

Just shared via WeChat:

“Are we still going?” … An introvert’s attempt to cancel.

Shared recently on Discord:

I don’t know how to flirt, but you can watch me eat fresh fruit in my sundress.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

The incontinent optimist sees the bladder as half empty.

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Activity Log ✨

I received a DM telling me that I’ve offended some of you. I’m truly sorry; I meant to offend all of you.

It seems really unfair that my future depends on me.

The person opposite me has a donut. I do not have a donut. That should be my donut. This person is now my arch nemesis.

I have one of those metal briefcases handcuffed to my wrist, and inside… my grandmother’s meatloaf recipe.

Boys are disgusting. Can’t believe I like these things.

If you would like to get an idea of what an exorcism is like, try putting clothes on a toddler.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I received a DM telling me that I’ve offended some of you. I’m truly sorry; I meant to offend all of you.

Keep the laugh going 😂

It seems really unfair that my future depends on me.

The person opposite me has a donut. I do not have a donut. That should be my donut. This person is now my arch nemesis.

I have one of those metal briefcases handcuffed to my wrist, and inside… my grandmother’s meatloaf recipe.

Welcome to Elephant in the Room club, no one talks about it.

Boys are disgusting. Can’t believe I like these things.

If you would like to get an idea of what an exorcism is like, try putting clothes on a toddler.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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