Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

Me: I love you more than a flower loves the sun. Him: I love you more than a teenager loves his phone.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

I deserve an Oscar for telling my dentist I don’t eat candy.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

I’m going back to the 90s, if anyone wants to come.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

You look like the kind of person who would hit rock bottom and then start drilling.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

Cheeseburgers should be free for anyone that’s in a bad mood.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

I don’t have a favorite vampire. If you ask me, they all suck.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

I figured out how they built the pyramids. No internet.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

Just paid my rent, now I have a warm place to starve in.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

“Why does my back always hurt?”, I say, while never sitting upright in a chair.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,534

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

Two of the best things in life are laughing and orgasms. I want to make you do both a lot.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I’m not climbing a hill if I’m dying. That sounds terrible. I’ll die on this chair. Drinking orange Fanta.

Making waves on WeChat:

I’m not mad, I just hope your socks slide off in your shoe all day.

Just shared via Telegram:

My intern was born in 2007. I have unread emails older than that.

Just shared via Instagram:

Life is short, flirt with me!

Shared recently on Slack:

Food is like sex: When you abstain, even the worst stuff begins to look good.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Nothing makes you regret an outfit choice faster than when you see teens looking at you and whispering.

Just landed via TikTok:

Who decided that skeletons are scary? Because honestly, I’d be more scared if the muscular system suddenly walked into my room.

Going bananas on Messenger:

My therapist said cutting people off isn’t healthy. She’s next.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Is losing your mind a hobby?

If I’m ever on life support, unplug me, then plug me back in. See if that works.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Trying the classic "turn it off and on again" even in life-or-death scenarios! 😂🔌✨

back, dark, dark humor, ever, humor, joke, life, life support, me, medical, medical humor, plug, resilience, sarcasm, support, unplug, works

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I get it, drug commercials. I too like to dance while I describe all my side effects.

0

2 months ago

advertising, commercial, commercials, dance, describe, drug, drug commercial, effect, humor, i, medication, side, side effect, too
Told my girlfriend that Mum is deaf, so speak loud and slow. Also told Mum that my girlfriend has special needs.

0

3 months ago

communication, deaf, family, girlfriend, humor, loud, misunderstanding, mum, need, needs, relationship, slow, speak, special, special need, told
My dog just tracked and successfully located a folium lanceolatum, more commonly known as a leaf.

0

2 months ago

canine, dog, folium, folium lanceolatum, humor, joke, just, lanceolatum, leaf, nature, pets, tracking
Some people are storms dressed like sunsets. Beautiful from a distance. Dangerous up close.

0

2 months ago

beautiful, beauty, close, danger, dangerous, distance, dressed, metaphor, nature, people, personality, storm, storms, sunset, unpredictability
The idiot’s diet is just biting your tongue.

0

2 months ago

biting, diet, humor, idiot, idiots, just, sarcasm, tongue
My signature move is me looking for my phone that I’m currently holding in my hand.

0

2 months ago

awkward, comedy, everyday, forgetfulness, hand, holding, humor, looking, me, move, phone, relatability, self-deprecating, signature, smartphone, tech

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

53 shares on Telegram this month:

Pregnancy is crazy. You really come home with someone you don’t know, with no teeth.

78 shares on Discord this month:

Doesn’t matter, Your Honor! I, for one, found it very funny.

52 shares on Messenger this month:

Every man’s biggest fear is trying a new barber.

20 shares on LinkedIn this month:

There should be a true crime story about feeding someone a peanut butter sandwich and giving them nothing to drink.

74 shares on Facebook this month:

It’s now socially acceptable again to clap when the plane lands.

74 shares on Twitch this month:

“Hope you’re enjoying the sunshine!” No, I’m at a desk reading your email.

53 shares on YouTube this month:

Microplastics are a waste of time. I go straight to eating whole packaging.

55 shares on WeChat this month:

I have a brain that wants to be alone, and a heart that wants to be loved.

49 shares on YouTube this month:

My toddler asked if we could go to the zoo today, and I said, “I can’t see that happening.” Then she literally left the room and came back with my glasses.

15 shares on Twitch this month:

Everyone’s “the nicest guy ever” until the cops are in their backyard digging up several bodies.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

Extrovert self made too many plans and now introvert self is pissed.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

How much chocolate is too much chocolate before it is technically no longer a salad?

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

I’m so smart, I got rid of cable and now I only have $638 in monthly streaming services.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

Job market so bad, I started following my dreams.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

My main takeaway from ‘The Walking Dead’ is that you can still eat the expired canned goods in your pantry.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

My diet was going really well until I woke up.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

If I meet you at a party and you instantly start asking about my job, you are subhuman to me.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

I hate managing money, I was born to splurge.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Bone broth? Oh, you mean skeleton soup.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

I think the world is ready for a fat James Bond.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

I saw a bird get a worm today. It was about 11 am. So, don’t give up on your dreams, buddy!

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Have a good weekend, unless you have other plans.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

IKEA is like the Hotel California of furniture stores.

Spotted on YouTube:

Called myself to see if I’d answer, sent me to voicemail. Twice.

Spotted on WeChat:

What if aliens watch our movies about aliens and then invade accordingly in hopes of fitting in with our culture?

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

There’s nothing like the first two months with a man when he’s still pretending to be a good person.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Tell your dog I said woof woof.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I think fathers lose their mind a little bit when they realize their daughters aren’t as forgiving as their wives.

Trending via Telegram:

Diet tip: Your pants can’t get too tight if you never wear any.

Breaking via YouTube:

In America we have marijuana. In France they have oui’d.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If I’m ever on life support, unplug me, then plug me back in. See if that works.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I get it, drug commercials. I too like to dance while I describe all my side effects.

Told my girlfriend that Mum is deaf, so speak loud and slow. Also told Mum that my girlfriend has special needs.

My dog just tracked and successfully located a folium lanceolatum, more commonly known as a leaf.

Some people are storms dressed like sunsets. Beautiful from a distance. Dangerous up close.

The idiot’s diet is just biting your tongue.

My signature move is me looking for my phone that I’m currently holding in my hand.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨