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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

It’s that time of year where every jacket you choose is wrong.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

They say we learn from our mistakes. That’s why I’m making as many as possible… I’ll be a genius soon.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

The folks who write fragrance commercials must be like “I had the weirdest dream, Imma put it on TV.”

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

Do clouds ever look down on us and say, “This one is shaped like an idiot”?

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Everybody looks sexier when they are happy.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

Give yourself time to heal. A couple of decades should do it.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

I’m not falling for it again. These missions have been successful 8 times already.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I am at work.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

People always tell me I’d be “late to my own funeral” like it’s a bad thing. They’d be lucky if I even showed up to that depressing shit.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

I want a restraining order on everyone who doesn’t wear deodorant.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,308

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Discord:

Spending all my money on lottery tickets so I’ll either be rich or poor, none of this wishy-washy stuff in the middle.

Shared recently on Reddit:

For Halloween I will go to the beach dressed as a french fry and let the seagulls destroy me.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I’m so bored, I’m gonna join a poly-relationship and stage a coup and kick the main one out.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I changed my Facebook name to “Benefits.” Now, when people add me, it says, “You are now friends with benefits.”

Live now on Threads:

Honestly, will never top the year I told everyone I was going to be Amelia Earhart for Halloween, and then didn’t show up to the party.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

It’s cool that women want me, but it makes me sad that fish fear me.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I hate when teachers put “?” on my work, like I don’t know either.

Spotted on X:

We can put a man on the moon but we can’t find a good way to drink wine from a lying down position.

Just shared via TikTok:

Ever since I was little, I knew I wanted people to watch how they speak to me.

Shared recently on Threads:

Neighbors are fighting. Can I knock on the wall and ask them to speak up so I know whose side I’m on?

If I’m ever on life support, unplug me, then plug me back in. See if that works.

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If I’m ever on life support, unplug me, then plug me back in. See if that works.
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Commentary:
Trying the classic "turn it off and on again" even in life-or-death scenarios! 😂🔌✨

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

49 shares on Messenger this month:

One day you’re cool and then the next, you realize your favorite pair of pants are sweatpants from the grocery store.

11 shares on Threads this month:

Australia is like someone’s still playing Jumanji.

22 shares on Pinterest this month:

Eating wings is the opposite of flying.

52 shares on Messenger this month:

As an exorcist, whenever I hear of some new poor soul possessed by a demon, all I can think is Ka-Ching!

49 shares on Messenger this month:

FOMO is a summer thing. Winter is all about FOGO (fear of going out).

31 shares on Twitch this month:

“She’s so self-centered”—who’s supposed to be the center of my life? You?

86 shares on Discord this month:

Apartments show you 44 pics of the lobby. Man, I ain’t living in there.

41 shares on WeChat this month:

Are you mad at me? Have you been mad at me? Will you be mad at me? When will you be mad at me?

89 shares on Reddit this month:

I took the road less traveled because I was hoping not to run into anyone I know along the way.

72 shares on Discord this month:

Be warned: I’m bored. This could get dangerous.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

If it weren’t for the last minute, I’d never do anything.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I refuse to learn the color coding for heart emojis. Your heart means what I want it to, and vice versa.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

A babysitter is a teenager who acts like an adult while the adults go out to act like teenagers.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Lying to stupid people can give you a profound sense of satisfaction, it can also make you president.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I think my wife has got early Alzheimer’s. Every day she tells me that she has no idea what she first saw in me.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

“You handled that with such grace” are words that have never been spoken to me.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I hope we’re good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

When people are telling me a story about their life it often reminds me of a much better story from my life.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The empty spot in your bed is for snacks, not liars.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Every time you rub your eyes, they should change color a little.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,701

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

My love life feels like when you finally spot an open space in a full parking lot — and then boom, it’s a motorcycle.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Establish dominance over your children by whining louder.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

The divorce process is easier than breaking up with your hair stylist.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

Pets can’t talk but everyone loves them. This is not a coincidence.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

Burger King implies the existence of an entire burger based feudal system.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

The downside to getting in a hammock is having to get out of the hammock.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

All I think about is death and sex.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Being on Twitter right now is like playing the violin on the Titanic, except we are also making fun of the iceberg and the iceberg is getting genuinely mad.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

Thank you, Facebook memories, for constantly reminding me of the shitty taste in men I had for the majority of my life.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

While the optimist and pessimist argued about the glass of water, the opportunist drank it.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Reddit:

When I die, I hope I’m remembered for my ability to take any bad situation and make it worse.

Shared recently on Reddit:

More candlelight, less gaslight, babe.

Shared recently on Slack:

As a retiree, I have two pairs of pajamas. Bedtime and daytime. Sometimes I get them confused.

Live now on Slack:

My superpower is keeping this couch cushion warm.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Not now darling, mummy’s influencing on the www.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I hate it when I’m singing a song and the artist gets the words wrong.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Why learn new slang? Stay bogus.

Going viral on Messenger:

I regret to inform you that we must all once again figure out what to make for dinner tonight.

Making waves on WeChat:

Sorry, can’t. I took my bra off and threw it across the room an hour ago. There’s no coming back from that.

Trending via YouTube:

I was going to go for a run, then realized I could just run my mouth on here.

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