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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

Police officer: please step out of your vehicle. Me: after this song, hold on.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

If you can’t look back at your younger self and realize that you were an idiot, you are probably still an idiot.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

I’d like to thank the municipal snow plow for recreating the wall from Game of Thrones at the end of my driveway.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Looking forward to eight hours of trying to get four hours of sleep tonight.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

I don’t have a new year resolution, you don’t need that when you’re perfect.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

I went to clean bathroom and I’m 99% sure my kids shoot their toothpaste out of a cannon.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

I get unreasonably happy when a YouTube video has subtitles that aren’t auto-generated.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

I was born a boy, but according to the packaging, I identify as a family of four.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

So I think the mammals have now ravaged this planet long enough. It’s time for the reptiles to take over again.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

I don’t have any patience because it takes too long.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1741 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,903

Funny Quotes Topics

14,721

Funny Quotes Images

11,903

Updated

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Users Online

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Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

Remember when movies felt real, and foreheads could wrinkle.

Just landed via Threads:

You’re no Sultan of Swing, buddy, you’re hardly a Governor of Groove.

Going viral on YouTube:

A lot of people think you need a lot of money to buy clothes. And they’re right.

Trending via TikTok:

I have a drawer in my kitchen that I can’t open anymore because of that one time I decided to put a spatula in it.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I bet oiling and wrapping potatoes in aluminum foil feels so good for the potato.

Spotted on Messenger:

I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it’s like a circus in my head.

Shared recently on Messenger:

The holidays may be over by my work ethic is still out of the office.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Toothache and heartache comes from the same thing, which is something sweet.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Did you ever stop to ask how Mercury feels about being in retrograde? No, because you only think about yourself.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

My neighbors were up shouting all night. I could barely hear my bagpipes.

I’m getting to the age where it’s rude to pull out a bottle of ibuprofen if I don’t have enough for everyone.

3 days ago

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Commentary:
Who knew ibuprofen would become the new party favor? 🎉🥳🤕

age, aging, behavior, bottle, enough, everyone, getting, humor, i, ibuprofen, medicine, painkiller, pull, rude, rude behavior, sharing, where

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Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

Got a scam email full of mistakes like they’re not even trying. It won’t be long before AI takes their jobs.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

If I say I love you, it’s just the apocalypse talking.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

I wouldn’t walk 500 miles, and then walk 500 more.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

Buying groceries with no food stamps should boost your credit score.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

I tried a onesome before, but I started catching feelings.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

Relationship status: he escaped.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

There’s a great new book on minimalism but I only read the blurb because I believe that’s what the author would want.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

Missionary, so I can look him in the eyes and ask him why Ashley from work is texting him with heart eyes.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

The toddler refers to every baby as Baby [Name], like Baby is their formal title.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

Every Sunday is superbowel if you eat enough chili.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

If they don’t look at you like you’re magic, disappear like Houdini.

Going viral on Threads:

I ain’t typing “X” into the URL bar, my wife is right behind me.

Going viral on YouTube:

Venting to ChatGPT is crazy, y’all turning schizophrenic.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Desperately searching the dating app settings for an option to turn down the difficulty level.

Spotted on Reddit:

Talents: eating!

Making waves on Messenger:

I used to have this mental illness, where I thought logical arguments would change someone’s mind.

Just landed via Telegram:

You know it’s bad when people start telling you that you are the strongest person they’ve ever met.

Spotted on Threads:

I learned that when dogs lean against you it’s their version of hugging and now every time my dog leans against me my eyes start leaking.

Just shared via TikTok:

Forgetting how to clean the dishes and shooting them with a gun.

Trending via Telegram:

Out of sheer boredom, I opened the front door and rang the doorbell. I was so happy.

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I’m getting to the age where it’s rude to pull out a bottle of ibuprofen if I don’t have enough for everyone.

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Trending Funny Quotes 📈

My sleeping pattern ain’t even a pattern anymore, it’s a freestyle that’s on shuffle.

A bathrobe is being naked with plausible deniability and pockets.

How long are you allowed to hide in the bathroom during family visits?

My housemates are convinced our house is haunted. I’ve lived here for 274 years and not noticed anything strange.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Whoops, lost myself for about eight years there.

I always set two alarms, one for “Good Intentions Me” and one for “The Real Me”

Too bad mosquitos are not into human fat the way they are into human blood.

I bought a watermelon and all I can think about is filling it with vodka.

I forgot my password, failed the captcha and have been accused of being a robot. I don’t even know how to fight these allegations.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

English is so fake. How can you drink a drink, but you can’t food a food?

Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize they meant “Autumn,” not the collapse of civilization.

Whatever y’all heard about me, I’m way worse.

Oh, sorry, I can’t right now. I’m imagining some things and worrying about them.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.

Do we lazy people actually go to heaven? Or are we being picked up?

Just got emotional imagining a worm emerging from its cocoon as a dragonfly and then got even more emotional remembering that’s not what they do.

There is nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul, even if it’s cold, over ice, with a celery stalk and vodka.

I hate it when some random company refers to me as their “customer.” I’m like, look, we had one night of drunken shopping, we are not in a relationship.

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I’m getting to the age where it’s rude to pull out a bottle of ibuprofen if I don’t have enough for everyone.

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