“I’ve tasted going back to an ex, and I’ve tasted trying to fix a relationship before it breaks. I highly recommend focusing on your career and going to sleep before 10 p.m.”

38 shares on Reddit this month:

I love airports because the rules of society don’t apply. Eat a pizza and have a glass of wine at 7 am while in track pants. Nobody cares.

30 shares on Discord this month:

We get it, comma, you went to Oxford.

42 shares on Snapchat this month:

My playlist is so random, I be heartbroken, thugged out, and yeehaw all at the same time.

96 shares on Pinterest this month:

People who don’t talk to themselves are the weird ones.

100 shares on Telegram this month:

20’s: what even is a hangover? 40’s: puts on sunglasses to open fridge…

55 shares on Telegram this month:

My mom is asking each ornament, “Where do you want to live?” before putting them on the tree.

16 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Rap fell off when literacy stopped being a requirement.

96 shares on Reddit this month:

I was very disappointed when I found out drinking alcohol doesn’t actually kill brain cells, I was hoping to join a political party one day.

75 shares on Messenger this month:

Are you ever so happy to be in bed, you wish you could be even more in bed than you already are?

79 shares on Snapchat this month:

I would do absolutely anything for my friends, except answer their text messages.