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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

Being a dog must be wild, everyone you meet is your masseuse.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

Sometimes I wanna delete all my social media and throw my phone into a river.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

Every night at bedtime I do one small ritual: six hours on my cell phone.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

Instagram is run by celebrities. Twitter is run by the streets.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

You miss 100% of the gossip from the phone calls you don’t answer.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

Flirting is easy until it’s someone you actually like.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ‘k’ instead of ‘ok’?

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Sometimes you send an email that requires a response, and the other person writes back right away, and it’s like NO NOT YET.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

I love when people say “be yourself,” like I haven’t already been doing that and scaring everyone off.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

Unless I say otherwise, I am always tired.

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Funny Quotes Total

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Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

Why read the room when you can leave the room?

Making waves on Twitch:

I think Australians should have to go three rounds in the ring with a kangaroo before they eat him.

Trending via TikTok:

I can’t take people who pronounce “gnocchi” correctly seriously.

Just landed via Discord:

I’m surviving motherhood, one teenage meltdown at a time.

Just shared via WeChat:

Donuts are beautiful creatures, and they deserve their own week on the nature channels.

Just shared via Facebook:

Ending my thesis paper with “but who cares what I think?”

Breaking via X:

If you’re alone on Thanksgiving, venmo me $25 and I’ll call and ask you when are you gonna get a “real” job and give me grandchildren.

Just shared via Messenger:

So my wife goes, “It’s not you — it’s me.” Obviously written by ChatGPT.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I can’t believe we became the adults in the most unaffordable period in history.

Making waves on YouTube:

Car rides by yourself with loud music… they’re good for the soul.

Kids these days are soft. I’m pretty sure I died once when I was 7, and my mom made me walk it off.

3 weeks ago

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Commentary:
When I was 7, walking it off was considered a life-saving procedure 😂👍 #ResilienceSkills

childhood, days, died, humor, i, injury, kids, me, mom, once, parenting, pretty, resilience, soft, sure, toughness, walk, walk it off

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37 shares on Messenger this month:

The only thing I miss from my past is that flat stomach I had.

24 shares on Reddit this month:

Working on my harmonica skills so those around me can both hear and feel my depression.

92 shares on X this month:

I just love the lack of privacy in the pharmacy line. Just standing there shouting out my name, date of birth, and exactly what is wrong with me for the world to hear.

97 shares on Telegram this month:

God sends you an only child as a friend to test you.

98 shares on TikTok this month:

If someone drunk texts you, appreciate it. They’ve thought of you when they can barely think straight.

87 shares on Discord this month:

I always stop the microwave before it beeps because it’s not the boss of me.

40 shares on Instagram this month:

Life hack: You can turn your ordinary sofa into a sofa bed by simply forgetting your wife’s birthday.

70 shares on Facebook this month:

I hate everyone in front of me at this checkout line, everyone behind me is cool.

68 shares on X this month:

Nothing I do for money is passion-based. It’s just pure hatred for being broke.

75 shares on Reddit this month:

I applied for a job and got it, and now I really have to go there. Crap!

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

Making friends as an adult is wild because there’s so much lore to catch up on. You’ll be 3 years in and still get random drops like, ‘Oh, by the way, I used to be married.’

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

ADHD is: being pretty good at basically anything you want to be, and absolutely terrible at anything you need to do to live.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

What part of “I need to save money” do I not understand?

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

Being bilingual means stuttering in both languages.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

There are two quantities of popcorn: not enough and what have I done

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

How do you tell someone that you will probably end up marrying them, but in a casual way?

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

I thought being an adult meant cake for breakfast, not budgeting for therapy.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

They say time is the solution to every problem. I’ve been waiting for five hours already and the room is still messy.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

Why is sleeping at night so hard, but sleeping in the morning is like drifting away on a soft, fluffy cloud while Adele sings you a lullaby?

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Girl to girl: Please have at least two boyfriends.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Getting older just means that you have to start eating all the sad foods.

Spotted on Reddit:

Incredibly annoying that exercising, eating right, and drinking water can make you actually feel good.

Shared recently on Instagram:

So annoying when your family knocks on the toilet door and asks what you’re doing. I’m baking a cake. HBU?

Live now on Threads:

A vibrator is amazing but it doesn’t call me “good girl” unfortunately.

Seen just now on Threads:

It’s really important to stay hydrated at work, so you can take as many 10-minute-long bathroom breaks as possible.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Before I work on myself, does anyone like me unhinged?

Shared recently on Instagram:

Bro, you’re not allowed anymore to have your tongue drop out of your mouth and form a stair case when you see my wife.

Shared recently on Discord:

Baby for sale. Refuses to wear shoes.

Trending via Telegram:

Spotify Wrapped has a special talent for pulling up an artist I’ve literally never heard of and telling me I actually listen to them 2,000 times per day.

Broadcasted on Discord:

I’m pretty sure emojis were invented so introverts don’t have to say anything to anyone.

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Activity Log ✨

Kids these days are soft. I’m pretty sure I died once when I was 7, and my mom made me walk it off.

It’s the perfect time of year to focus on my indoor hobbies, like lying down in a dark room and feeling insane.

My doctor no longer prescribes me Viagra. He just left me hanging.

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they’re the ones who can sign you into a home.

There’s no better feeling than coming home and immediately changing into your Adam Sandler fit.

Accidentally used my real personality at work today… heading to HR now.

Men used to smoke Marlboros. Now they cry when they lose their strawberry cheesecake vape.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Kids these days are soft. I’m pretty sure I died once when I was 7, and my mom made me walk it off.

Keep the laugh going 😂

It’s the perfect time of year to focus on my indoor hobbies, like lying down in a dark room and feeling insane.

My doctor no longer prescribes me Viagra. He just left me hanging.

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they’re the ones who can sign you into a home.

There’s no better feeling than coming home and immediately changing into your Adam Sandler fit.

Accidentally used my real personality at work today… heading to HR now.

Men used to smoke Marlboros. Now they cry when they lose their strawberry cheesecake vape.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨