Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

I love when men remind me I’m evil because sometimes I be thinking I’m losing my spark.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

Life hack: Confuse your doctor by putting on gloves at the same time he does.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

Who called it America and not the fast food and the furious?

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

I visited my doctor today. He told me my sugar was too high. So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Part of getting older is having a favorite pen.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

Pinky promises are still a legit foundation of trust.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

Silence is my favourite form of communication in the morning.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

Calm yourself, Lucifer. You did the right thing coming to me for advice.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Being skinny may be nice, but chicken nuggets are even nicer.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

I wonder if Van Halen realized they were writing music just to lift weights to.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,278

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Threads:

Don’t feel bad if you don’t succeed on your first try. It took Michael Angelo sixteen chapels.

Live now on TikTok:

If someone drunk texts you, appreciate it. They’ve thought of you when they can barely think straight.

Just shared via Instagram:

You should be able to donate somebody else’s body to science.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Mid-life crisis? No, no, mid-day crisis. Something happens every day.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I love airports because the rules of society don’t apply. Eat a pizza and have a glass of wine at 7 am while in track pants. Nobody cares.

Live now on WeChat:

Never lie to Indian girls. That red dot be recording everything.

Breaking via Reddit:

The zero likes won’t stop me from posting. I will talk to myself if I have to.

Going bananas on Telegram:

I bet before the band got popular, Barenaked Ladies concerts had a lot of pissed off attendees.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

What’s my net worth? Buddy, I don’t own a net.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I’m neither a lover nor a fighter. I’m a snacker.

Male barista called me “my love” yesterday and didn’t say it today… getting mixed signals and feeling really upset.

3 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Having trouble with my coffee relationship status… yesterday we were "my love," today we're just "regulars" ☕💔😆

barista, called, coffee, coffee shop, feeling, getting, humor, interaction, love, male, me, mixed, mixed signal, nickname, say, shop, signal, signals, today, upset, yesterday

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The more I parent the more convinced I am that the ears on toddlers are purely for decoration.

0

2 months ago

am, child, decoration, ears, humor, i, parent, parenting, parenting struggles, struggles, toddler
I love being left to my own devices. It’s like yeah, these are my devices.

0

2 months ago

being, devices, humor, humor quote, i, independence, left, love, own, solitude, technology
Breakfast in bed: where your cozy blanket turns into a crumby crime scene.

0

4 months ago

accident, bed, blanket, breakfast, cozy, crime, crumb, food, humor, mess, morning, scene, snack, where
I’m so bored of being bored, because being bored is really boring.

0

2 months ago

being, bored, boredom, boring, cycle, frustration, humor, monotony
When someone touches my phone, I automatically turn into a ninja.

0

2 months ago

humor, i, ninja, phone, reaction, someone, stealth, surprise, technology, touch, turn
If I had a boyfriend, I’d put him in a snow globe and shake it really hard.

0

2 months ago

boyfriend, globe, hard, humor, i, ID, imagination, playful, put, relationship, shake, snow, snow globe

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

71 shares on Slack this month:

Cleaning the rocks of the earth one load of my kids’ laundry at a time.

86 shares on TikTok this month:

You can’t spell dyslexia without sexy.

70 shares on Snapchat this month:

Working with children gives you so much in return. Lice, for example.

48 shares on Pinterest this month:

Going to ragebait men by asking, “Do you ever wish you were tall?”

25 shares on WeChat this month:

Just because I’m up sharing posts at 7 a.m. doesn’t mean I’m up. Don’t call my phone.

29 shares on Pinterest this month:

Putting a blanket over my boss so he thinks it’s night time and goes to sleep.

24 shares on Messenger this month:

As a retiree, I have two pairs of pajamas. Bedtime and daytime. Sometimes I get them confused.

67 shares on YouTube this month:

I want a girlfriend so hot that people walking down the street know that I am funny.

87 shares on Reddit this month:

Every time I stand up, my dog gets excited as hell. He understands that I’m a real man who can make shit happen at any given moment.

16 shares on WeChat this month:

Sometimes I get really mad at myself, but not like mad enough to fight myself or anything like that.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

I get sad whenever they’re mean to Zoidberg in Futurama.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

Can’t believe we used to throw eggs at houses, and now we can afford neither eggs nor houses.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

I need someone to wring out my brain like a dishrag.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

I don’t need the audio tour at the museum, I have my teen to provide critical commentary the entire time.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

My hair will never allow me to commit any crime; I leave my DNA everywhere.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

“Well, this is no good. How do I turn it off?” – The first primate to experience consciousness.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

Called in, “If we’re living in a simulation, just simulate that I’m in the office today.”

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

That one British friend that’s too bloke.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

None of the parenting books say what to do when your kids start calling you ‘Bruh.’

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

I haven’t bought 1 Christmas gift but I got 3 packages on the way for me though.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Instagram:

I just want a bar where I can pour my own drink, have music at a normal volume, and there are no people, and it’s my house.

Freshly posted on X:

Nobody’s more stubborn than an Android person that won’t switch to iPhone.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I wish it was socially acceptable to DM someone, “Hey, why did you and your partner break up?”

Making waves on Messenger:

I have no beef with vegetarians.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Why the hell is it called the restroom? I am fighting for my life in here.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Dear Math, I don’t want to solve your problem, I have my own problems to solve.

Just landed via Reddit:

I’ve walked the walk, but nowadays I just sit the sit.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Giving every single movie I watch a five star review because it’s just such a joy to be alive.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I want to be rich enough where I’m not offended by the price of beef jerky.

Live now on Threads:

Why would I take the high road when I could take the psychopath?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Male barista called me “my love” yesterday and didn’t say it today… getting mixed signals and feeling really upset.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

The more I parent the more convinced I am that the ears on toddlers are purely for decoration.

I love being left to my own devices. It’s like yeah, these are my devices.

Breakfast in bed: where your cozy blanket turns into a crumby crime scene.

I’m so bored of being bored, because being bored is really boring.

When someone touches my phone, I automatically turn into a ninja.

If I had a boyfriend, I’d put him in a snow globe and shake it really hard.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨