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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

I wonder how biology explains that pain in your chest you get when you found out your partner cheated on you.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

My superpower is to wake up more tired than I was when I fell asleep.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Seeing a beautiful woman drink her beer is like witnessing an angel take flight.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Your skull is the only thing preventing your brain from floating away, unburdened as it is by any meaningful thought to anchor it.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

Flirting with submissives is actually really easy. All you gotta do is send a gif of a small animal and say, ‘This is so you.’

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

Being in a rich person’s house is so stressful. Like, why am I struggling to find the trash?

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

I totally get why Leonardo DiCaprio is trying to save the environment for future generations. They could be his girlfriend.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

The worst thing you can do when cleaning your house is “sit down for a minute.”

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

No, you’re not a “prompt engineer,” you’re a sloperator.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

Two mysterious people live in my house. “Somebody” and “Nobody.” Somebody did it and nobody knows who.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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17,765

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15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Discord:

Only after moving in together do you realize your girlfriend’s little quirks. Mine, for example, stores vegetables in the beer compartment.

Just shared via Reddit:

I need to go to jail for a while to catch up on all my reading.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Have to wear real clothes on Monday. Pray for me.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Putting sunscreen on kids feels like cardio.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I’m always looking for new and exciting ways to give up.

Shared recently on Reddit:

The ideal man is always thinking of several cool things at once (throwing a football really far, a truck with big wheels, giving a lot of high fives).

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

I’m bad at being sad. Three minutes in, and I’m already making fun of my situation.

Spotted on WeChat:

Funny that the Three Wise Men brought probably the three worst presents for a newborn baby.

Just landed via Facebook:

The worst thing about wearing headphones is when you hallucinate people shouting you. Like, why does this happen?

Going viral on Telegram:

Hearing my voice in recording makes me wanna apologize to every person I talked to.

My favorite game is guessing if my headache is due to dehydration, migraine, malnutrition, stress, lack of sleep, poor posture, or a brain tumor.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
"Sounds like the ultimate game of 'Head-ache-tective!' 🔍🧠😅 Who needs puzzles when your body is a mystery, right? 😂💧🍕💤"

brain, concern, dehydration, due, favorite, game, guessing, headache, health, health concern, humor, lack, malnutrition, medical, medical humor, migraine, poor, posture, sleep, stress

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Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Getting out of a sports bra looks like it should be a professional women’s sport.

40 shares on Snapchat this month:

Happy Earth Day. You don’t look a day over 4 billion years and get hotter every year.

45 shares on Facebook this month:

The older I get, the more I understand why witches lived alone in the woods.

52 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Some stupid little amoeba decided to leave the ocean a billion years ago and now I have to worry about Monday.

24 shares on YouTube this month:

Why is it that your clothes only get caught on the door handle when you’re in a bad mood?

80 shares on TikTok this month:

That pen in the junk drawer that hasn’t been used in four years picked today to have an attitude.

75 shares on Threads this month:

People say “I would never,” then here they come nevering like they never nevered before.

81 shares on Messenger this month:

Have nothing to say, I just wanted to appear in your newsfeed.

83 shares on Instagram this month:

I don’t even check my bank account no more. I just swipe my card and if it’s god’s will, money will be debited.

84 shares on TikTok this month:

Dating for love isn’t working. Now I’m dating to conduct psychological experiments and collect data.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

The sweater is an item of clothing that a child has to wear when parents are cold.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

Therapy isn’t enough, she needs to know people congratulated me when we broke up.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

I survived a Monday, and for what? Tuesday? Disgusting.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

This chapter of my life is called ‘at least the rent is paid’

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies. She is not “fun to be around”.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

Caveman bartender: “This one’s on the cave.”

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

She’s got style, she’s got grace, she crams french fries in her face.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

Them: Money doesn’t bring happiness. Me: Pass the money over here, I like to be sad.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

If you ever get attacked by a shark, just be a good sport about it and let it eat you. Hey, look on the bright side: It’s a rare occurrence, so you’re special.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

Born to be quiet and mysterious, forced to yap whenever I get the chance.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on TikTok:

Pizza should be free for anyone having a bad day.

Making waves on Messenger:

I am thick and tired.

Making waves on Reddit:

I want a girlfriend so hot that people walking down the street know that I am funny.

Going viral on TikTok:

I was gonna get on the treadmill, but then the couch will get sad.

Just landed via TikTok:

When I’m not posting or returning messages, just know that I’m probably out doing superhero shit.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I don’t need to grow a thick skin. The world needs to grow fewer thorns.

Seen just now on Slack:

Grant me the serenity to supernaturally change the things I cannot accept.

Shared recently on Slack:

They should go crazier with lab-grown meat. Invent some new animals or something. Mammoth burger.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Gotta find someone you’re thermostatically compatible with. You can’t be a 74 dating a 62.

Breaking via Facebook:

Good morning only to the complexity and uncertainty of everything.

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Activity Log ✨

My favorite game is guessing if my headache is due to dehydration, migraine, malnutrition, stress, lack of sleep, poor posture, or a brain tumor.

I miss when we didn’t know what celebrities thought about anything.

His voice was like whiskey. Smooth with a slow burn that lit me up from the inside.

Just got some minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.

Could someone please come over here and be the adult? I’m too tired.

The house from Hansel and Gretel but made out of tacos.

This meeting could have been a painting in a museum of boredom.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My favorite game is guessing if my headache is due to dehydration, migraine, malnutrition, stress, lack of sleep, poor posture, or a brain tumor.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I miss when we didn’t know what celebrities thought about anything.

His voice was like whiskey. Smooth with a slow burn that lit me up from the inside.

Just got some minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.

Could someone please come over here and be the adult? I’m too tired.

The house from Hansel and Gretel but made out of tacos.

This meeting could have been a painting in a museum of boredom.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨