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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

It seems a little unfair that the people who want to go to bed have to put the people to bed who don’t want to go to bed.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

You should leave your comfort zone and come to mine instead.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

You can tell it’s desperate times the way spam messages have gone from fantasies like ‘I am a prince and I want to give you money’ to ‘I am an HR manager and I have a real job for you!’

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

I bet my calculator app wrapped would be pretty shameful.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

Date idea: you tell me every thought you’ve ever had about me.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

If Kanye got hacked, no one would even know.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

Doing nothing is very hard to do. You never know when you’re finished.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

Can I come over and overstay my welcome?

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

Driving between speed cameras is called intermittent fasting.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Only after moving in together do you realize your girlfriend’s little quirks. Mine, for example, stores vegetables in the beer compartment.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,570

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

The best thing about living with my parents is being woken up four minutes before my alarm to be told my alarm is about to go off.

Just shared via YouTube:

For Halloween, you should be mine.

Live now on TikTok:

Never feel bad when people roll their eyes while you talk to them. They’re just looking for their brain.

Spotted on Facebook:

I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

I followed my heart. It led me to the fridge.

Breaking via WeChat:

When my friends and I talk about sex, it’s never sexual. It feels scientific, almost.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Where have you been all of my life and can you please go back there?

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Saw a shooting star and made a wish for everyone to stop talking to me.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, sleeping for work, getting ready for work, or thinking about work.

Live now on Slack:

If you would like to get an idea of what an exorcism is like, try putting clothes on a toddler.

My wife had a dream that I have a secret second wife named Linda. Now, when she’s mad at me, I just say, “Linda wouldn’t get mad about that.”

Playful joke about a man defusing his wife's anger by referencing a fake second wife named Linda.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like Linda is my new imaginary marriage counselor! 😂💍🤷‍♂️

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

84 shares on Messenger this month:

Are you gonna call me beautiful today, or do I need to go to the gas station?

48 shares on Reddit this month:

I now have Taylor Swift as my alarm. Now I always wake up five minutes earlier so I don’t have to listen to it.

10 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Babies first steal your glasses and then bite your nose. I don’t know where they get their reputation.

64 shares on WeChat this month:

The best addition to any essay is, of course, a condescending tone.

99 shares on Reddit this month:

My coworkers think I’m always busy, but I’m really just trying to remember my password.

96 shares on Twitch this month:

When you think about it, Jesus really accomplished a lot in the four months between Christmas and Easter.

16 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The only thing I don’t miss about the 90s is people smelling like cigarettes.

67 shares on Messenger this month:

Life hack: give yourself 8 to 12 hours of alone time in the morning to mentally prepare for the day.

92 shares on Discord this month:

I had no idea being an adult would involve so many lotions.

12 shares on WeChat this month:

I can’t believe I’m supposed to obey ALL the traffic laws ALL the time.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

How is this the same brain that used to remember everybody’s phone numbers?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

You don’t see guys traveling around on those seesaw-type push carts on railroad tracks anymore.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

People who cook breakfast before going to work are too mature for me.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Never share a secret with a clock. Because time will tell.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

150 years ago, you could just fake your death and go overseas and live a completely different life if you didn’t like the way the cards were originally dealt.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Diet Coke is just a fridge cigarette.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

If you need me, I will be at the library sniffing old books.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

What’s a beginner hobby for someone just getting into being happy?

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Walking up to any crime scene and whispering within the crowd, “It’s started again, hasn’t it?” then leaving.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Me, when a 25-year-old talks to me: please be patient with me, I’m from the 1900s.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,502

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

I’m sorry I pretended I was dead when I saw you in public.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

Sometimes you really do write a whole poem just to give one beautiful phrase a home.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

Cows are very calm, considering the whole floor is food to them.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

I don’t hate you, but I hope you run out of hot water before you’re finished your shower.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Please hesitate to reach out.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

Men who tell their woman she’s pretty, for no particular reason, keep that shit up.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

The great thing about having a mouse in your house is that I’m sure it’s just the one mouse, probably.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

Stupid cow blocking the road. HOW DAIRY!

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

Twitter is a prime example why most of us shouldn’t be left unsupervised.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

There are many people who don’t like me and I am one of them.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

There should be guide dogs that prevent you from making bad decisions.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

How do you text “okay” but in the rudest way possible?

Spotted on Reddit:

I’ve learned the best way to find something that I’ve lost is to buy a replacement one, to make the lost one spontaneously appear.

Spreading quickly via X:

If I let you into my life, I am either emotionally invested or you are a grilled cheese sandwich.

Just shared via X:

I miss when we didn’t know what celebrities thought about anything.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Does anyone have the number of the witch from Snow White? I need a few apples.

Trending via YouTube:

Just saw two identical twins out in public together. No disrespect to that lifestyle but please keep it private.

Making waves on X:

Being a toddler’s favorite person is what real love actually looks like.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Prepare your kids for social media by putting their artwork on the fridge and writing a bunch of mean comments under it.

Shared recently on Reddit:

They should invent someone who holds me.

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