People call me a “Trekkie,” but I’m not. I’ve only seen Star Wars a couple of times.

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That very depressing moment when you find out the fire alarm that went off at work was just a test.

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When I get the vibe from someone that fitting in is super important to them my first instinct is to bite them.

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It’s important to remember that even parents make mistakes. In fact, it’s how many of us became parents.

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If you ever need nothing, I’m here for you.

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Good morning to everyone except those who need approval from strangers on the internet.

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Kids are like pancakes. The first one is always a bit strange.

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Stop wasting your money on beauty products. The secret to looking young is to wear a baseball cap with a propeller on it.

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Always stay crazy. Otherwise you’ll go crazy.

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My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

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Why waste words or gestures when a raised eyebrow is enough to make a statement?