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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

I will never give another woman my heart until I see how she acts when a bee flies at her.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

Pinterest algorithm is like a loving dad who fills the whole fridge with oranges after seeing you enjoy one.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

I highly recommend having hobbies. It distracts you from things like falling in love.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

Betrayal only comes from someone we’re close to. Just like herpes.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

If you comment to say “No comment,” you have, in fact, commented.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

The art of today’s art is to persuade people that it’s art.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

If you’re going to be weird, be confident about it.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Two words have helped me open a lot of doors in my life. Push and Pull.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

What a lot of people don’t understand about mountain climbing is: don’t do that!

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

Jesus died for your sins. If you don’t sin then he died for nothing!

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on YouTube:

Eating healthy requires a second job.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I love unplanned fun.

Making waves on Telegram:

They should invent a grocery store that’s just for me and no one else.

Just landed via TikTok:

I have one of those metal briefcases handcuffed to my wrist, and inside… my grandmother’s meatloaf recipe.

Just shared via Discord:

A fly swatter, but for close talkers.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I don’t believe the phrase “if they wanted to, they would,” because I want to, and I don’t.

Just shared via TikTok:

Having an empty laundry basket is the best 5 seconds of my life.

Breaking via YouTube:

As a parent of a teenage daughter, I would like to formally apologize to my parents for my tube-top and low-rise jeans era.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Today I was in a taxi, and the taxi driver said, “I love my job. I am my own boss, nobody tells me what to do!” Then I said, “Turn left.”

Trending via Snapchat:

I learned Morse code, and then I couldn’t sleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.

Refusing to make eye contact with anyone while I eat my banana.

4 weeks ago

Witty quote about avoiding eye contact while eating a banana, humorous and playful vibe.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Avoiding eye contact like I'm in a banana witness protection program 😂🍌🚫👀

anyone, awkwardness, banana, contact, eat, eating, etiquette, eye, eye contact, food, food etiquette, humor, i, social, social awkwardness, while

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Social Media Stars ⭐

61 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sorry I lied when I said “I can’t complain.”

24 shares on Threads this month:

Spice up your meltdown through interpretive dance.

44 shares on X this month:

I wear sunglasses when I’m driving so nobody knows I’m asleep.

18 shares on Snapchat this month:

I don’t push people away, I just do the Macarena.

51 shares on Telegram this month:

Boss: You’ll never find another job like this. Me: That’d be great.

44 shares on Facebook this month:

You misunderstood me. I said I was a “bawler,” not a “baller.” You know, someone who cries a lot.

51 shares on Pinterest this month:

Too young to retire, too poor to quit and too fat to strip – so let’s move on.

24 shares on Facebook this month:

Sorry, I’m late. I got here when I wanted to.

65 shares on Twitch this month:

Tequila won’t fix your life, but it’s worth a shot.

92 shares on TikTok this month:

Staying up all night so I don’t miss any good posts.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

Women only want one thing and it is to walk down a dimly-lit cobblestone street with the devil.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

Why do they have to make things childproof when I’m still functioning at a kindergarten level of dexterity?

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

My brain is 80% song lyrics.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

“Likes your story” is a declaration of love.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

Not working on myself because I make better content this way.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

Home is where the clothes rack stands in the way.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

Being silly is very important for my mental health.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

My apologies to your congregation. I totally misunderstood when you asked for missionary volunteers.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

He’s a 10, but it’s the pain scale.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

No revenge, because I don’t even remember what happened.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

In the 80s, if you woke up feeling thirsty, you could drink some of your waterbed.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Better to be an overthinker than an overdrinker.

Just landed via TikTok:

People always talk about how they love to sit in their cars for a while once they get home. Whenever I do that, my Uber driver yells at me.

Just shared via Threads:

I signed up to the gym a few months ago and still don’t see any results. I’ll go by there this weekend and ask what’s going on.

Spotted on Slack:

Who called it a biological clock and not an egg timer?

Going bananas on Messenger:

Get a puppy if you are in the market for a best friend who gets you up early so she can bite you excitedly.

Just shared via X:

I have a photographic memory, but I’ve run out of film.

Just shared via Discord:

Some people call me crazy. I prefer the term happy with a twist.

Just landed via Instagram:

Halloween is the only day you can ghost someone and blame it on being festive.

Going viral on YouTube:

I didn’t really feel old until my doctor hit me with the “at your age…”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Refusing to make eye contact with anyone while I eat my banana.

The difference between a songbird and a hummingbird is that one of them knows the lyrics.

Any time I have ever uttered the phrase “no worries” I have been lying. There are many worries.

She doesn’t want flowers, she wants to invoke an ancient curse.

Unfortunately, a great many problems in life can be solved by just being hotter.

I can’t believe that it’s our turn to give money to our nephews and nieces.

I’m a simple person. All I need in life to be happy is to have everything go my way and work out how I want it to.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Refusing to make eye contact with anyone while I eat my banana.

Keep the laugh going 😂

The difference between a songbird and a hummingbird is that one of them knows the lyrics.

Any time I have ever uttered the phrase “no worries” I have been lying. There are many worries.

She doesn’t want flowers, she wants to invoke an ancient curse.

Unfortunately, a great many problems in life can be solved by just being hotter.

I can’t believe that it’s our turn to give money to our nephews and nieces.

I’m a simple person. All I need in life to be happy is to have everything go my way and work out how I want it to.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨