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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

Just eating the emotional support snickers bar in my purse. How about you?

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

My toxic trait is that I expect people to have common sense, and I get mad when they don’t.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

Watching women’s tennis and getting angry at the net. We shouldn’t put needless obstacles in the way of women.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

The older I get, the more I understand why roosters just scream to start their day.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

You only realize how heavy your handbag really is when your car tells you that your passenger is not wearing a seatbelt.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

It’s called single sign-on because you have to do it every single time.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

My bed is from Ikea, so it’s more unstable than i am.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

Being an adult is like folding a fitted sheet.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

The greatest trick ever was making people feel more connected, when they are actually more alone than ever.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

With great power comes the absolute certainty that you’ll turn into a right douche.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

I was really happy about it being Friday until I realized it was only Wednesday.

Going viral on Instagram:

If you shouldn’t go food shopping when you’re hungry, then you should definitely not go clothes shopping when you’re naked. Trust me on this.

Just shared via X:

I wish more modern politics were about trying to stop the fulfillment of an ancient prophecy.

Seen just now on WeChat:

That awesome moment when you open the fridge and the first thing you see is the thing you wanted to eat.

Seen just now on Twitch:

If biscuits were slimming and contained every nutrient the human body needs, I’d be in terrific shape.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I need to find hobbies that don’t include my debit card.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I’m not a morning person. I’m not even an afternoon person. I pretty much start functioning after 6pm.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Hello, I’m looking for the people who said “I’ll always be there for you”. Has anyone seen them?

Freshly posted on YouTube:

According to the smoke alarm, the food is ready.

Making waves on YouTube:

Every frozen pizza is a canvas that needs an artist’s touch.

Refusing to make eye contact with anyone while I eat my banana.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about avoiding eye contact while eating a banana, humorous and playful vibe.

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Commentary:
Avoiding eye contact like I'm in a banana witness protection program 😂🍌🚫👀

anyone, awkwardness, banana, contact, eat, eating, etiquette, eye, eye contact, food, food etiquette, humor, i, social, social awkwardness, while

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79 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m so lazy that I’ll break my tooth trying to get this tag off before I get up and get a scissor.

98 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If a baby comes out feet first, technically it wears its mom as a hat.

74 shares on Instagram this month:

I can’t wait to go to bed, get terrible sleep, and wake up exhausted with a sore back.

38 shares on Telegram this month:

I love convincing myself iced coffee counts as hydration and self-care.

21 shares on WeChat this month:

Life update: it’s getting worse.

13 shares on YouTube this month:

Dating is so overrated. Let’s just get married.

33 shares on Twitch this month:

Always be kind. You never know who might own a jacuzzi.

84 shares on Instagram this month:

Coworker: Hey, circling back on that thing we talked about in December. Me: Stop living in the past!

53 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I dream of disappearing into the woods with Wi-Fi.

13 shares on WeChat this month:

Schrodinger’s Immigrant: A person who is simultaneously too lazy to work, but is also stealing your job.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

Sometimes a little rudeness to establish that you don’t fancy nonsense is really important.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

In a previous life I may have been a carrier pigeon, in that all I ever think about is going home.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

I always say “morning” instead of “good morning”, because if it was a good morning, I’d still be asleep.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

At what point in not being able to sleep do I throw the towel in and have a beer, since maybe that will help?

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

I run a parody bank account.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

I’d end my life from loneliness before I ever talk to ChatGPT like it’s my friend.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

Why talk to bots when my plants listen just fine?

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

I Knew Better, But I Did It Anyway: A Memoir

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

What if you went to ET’s planet and all of the other ET’s were wearing clothes?

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Discord:

Being sleepy all day is just part of who I am.

Just landed via Telegram:

That annoying moment when you’re texting someone and autocorrect decides to join the conversation.

Seen just now on Messenger:

It’s so hot, ice bears are opening lemonade stands.

Trending via Twitch:

Will mosquitoes ever develop a pizza obsession and end their pursuit of human blood?

Trending via TikTok:

Drinking coffee because hitting people over the head with a shovel is frowned upon.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

I hate Valentine’s Day but I do enjoy infant archery.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Every time I watch “The Godfather”, I notice some new detail (they’re Italian???).

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Is this simulation from Temu?

Just landed via TikTok:

If there was an award for staying at home, I’d win and then send someone else to pick it up for me.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” is my favorite story about how everyone treats you like shit until they need something from you.

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Activity Log ✨

Refusing to make eye contact with anyone while I eat my banana.

I have lots of hidden talents. The problem is, even I can’t find them.

My birth year getting a lil too far on those lil scroll lists. I don’t like that.

This meeting could have been a painting in a museum of boredom.

For financial reasons, I will be passing away.

A woman’s sigh can speak a 1000 words.

Remember that even the worst haircut will eventually grow on you.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Refusing to make eye contact with anyone while I eat my banana.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I have lots of hidden talents. The problem is, even I can’t find them.

My birth year getting a lil too far on those lil scroll lists. I don’t like that.

This meeting could have been a painting in a museum of boredom.

For financial reasons, I will be passing away.

A woman’s sigh can speak a 1000 words.

Remember that even the worst haircut will eventually grow on you.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨