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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

People at the library need to learn how to be quiet. Some of us are trying to beatbox over here.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

“Those tattoos will make it harder to get a job!” Okay, well so will my personality.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

The older I get, the more I understand why people live in the woods and talk to squirrels.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

I don’t understand, “kill them with kindness”; can I use a lightsaber instead?

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

There’s a guy who thinks he’s going to Yale, but it’s jail.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

Now that I’m in my mid-forties, I think I’ll take up parkour.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

In the morning: Tired! At lunchtime: Tired! In the evening: Tired! In bed: “Everybody dance now!”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,888

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Twitch:

Imagine if every time you ate a grape you’d hear a soft voice whisper “that was my son…”

Going viral on Pinterest:

Staring at the sky for answers, nothing new.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Start every meeting with, “Let’s just agree to disagree.”

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Geometry is a scam. What do you mean “prove it’s a triangle”? Just look at it.

Shared recently on WeChat:

“I’ve been fantasizing about going back to bed since I woke up this morning.”

Just shared via Reddit:

“I’ll run it by the boss” is one of the peak boomerisms you can say as a married man. It feels electric.

Spotted on Slack:

Breakfast in bed: cute in theory, gross in practice.

Sorry, I’m late. Time isn’t real, and I’m not convinced I am either.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Finally embraced my inner unicorn on 'imaginary time,' but I couldn't make the meeting… or did I? 🦄⏰✨"

am, convinced, existential, humor, i, joke, late, lateness, philosophy, procrastination, real, reality, sarcasm, sorry, time

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’ve accepted I’ll never retire. I’ll be working up until my funeral… probably using a vacation day for it.

1 month ago
acceptance, day, funeral, humor, job, never, retire, using, vacation, vacation day, work, working
They need to invent a job for people who aren’t good at anything nor motivated nor social.

1 month ago
anything, good, humor, invent, invention, job, motivated, motivation, need, people, skills, social
My first thought upon waking up in the morning is “not again”.

1 month ago
again, daily, daily struggle, humor, morning, not again, relatable, sleep, struggle, thought, thoughts, waking, waking up
Every word wishes it could sound as fun as falafel.

2 months ago
every, falafel, food, fun, humor, language, pun, sound, wishes, word
When the blood pressure machine comes out for one person, the whole family has to get involved.

1 month ago
activity, blood, blood pressure, family, group, group activity, health, humor, involvement, machine, person, pressure, whole
Pronouncing hyperbole like guacamole.

1 month ago
guacamole, humor, hyperbole, language, pronunciation, wordplay

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

Excuse me, can you direct me to the nonsense?

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

Party rock is in the mouse tonighttt, piece of cheese I’m gonna take a big biteee.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Apart from “It’s okay”, what other death threats do women use?

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

Getting tired without doing anything is an art form.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Went to the hairdresser today and now I look much younger. I’m thinking about going back tomorrow.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

I’m going to hell if anybody needs anything.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

My husband saw a rabbit in our yard eating grass and said “That would be like sitting in a field of french fries.”

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Haunted house idea: a poorly lit Walmart littered with people you haven’t seen since high school.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Grok just sounds like something that might try to eat me.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Do y’all ever think about how, in Korean, you can’t scream over text because there’s no uppercase… I think about that all the time, for some reason.

Going viral on Instagram:

Born to say “Who the hell raised you to be this stupid.” Forced to work in groups.

Broadcasted on Slack:

I just can’t watch football, there’s too much “penetration in the backfield” for me to not giggle like an immature maniac.

Going viral on Snapchat:

She got me to fall for her, like a boomer seeing an AI image on Facebook.

Spotted on Twitch:

People who wear jeans for fun around their house have bodies buried in their backyard.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry, I’m late. Time isn’t real, and I’m not convinced I am either.

I’ve accepted I’ll never retire. I’ll be working up until my funeral… probably using a vacation day for it.

My first thought upon waking up in the morning is “not again”.

Every word wishes it could sound as fun as falafel.

Pronouncing hyperbole like guacamole.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

A Monday every week is excessive.

Don’t ruin a good sundress by wearing panties.

I have a very particular set of useless skills.

If my family starts talking politics at Thanksgiving, I’m changing the subject by announcing I’m pregnant.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

“You replied so quickly.” God forbid I wait like a dog to hear from you again.

Waiting until 4:59 p.m. on Fridays to send an email, because any response is Monday’s problem.

Yeah, the planet is dying. The government hates us. The animals are leaving. The aliens aren’t contacting us. We might be alone. It just might be you and me.

My cat’s in a bad mood, despite eating and sleeping all day.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

If we’re living in a dystopian nightmare, where the hell is my housekeeping robot?

Any time I throw up, I stare at it like I’m getting a message from the past.

I did some exercise in 2010, I should be good for another few years.

Take a broken girl, fix her. And she will go back to the same guy again.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

My weight loss journey is just the three hours in between meals.

Job interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: I would say my biggest weakness is listening.

I’ve never seen a McDonald’s or a Burger King under construction. They just show up.

The tragedy of my life is that I theoretically know when I shouldn’t say anything. And then I hear myself talking.

No one ever talks about the 6th love language (being annoying).

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Sorry, I’m late. Time isn’t real, and I’m not convinced I am either.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I’ve accepted I’ll never retire. I’ll be working up until my funeral… probably using a vacation day for it.

They need to invent a job for people who aren’t good at anything nor motivated nor social.

My first thought upon waking up in the morning is “not again”.

Every word wishes it could sound as fun as falafel.

When the blood pressure machine comes out for one person, the whole family has to get involved.

Pronouncing hyperbole like guacamole.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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