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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Once this pandemic ends, I’m legit quitting video games and getting a girlfriend for real.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

The only thing I worry about when I’m in the restroom is if people are washing their hands or not.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

Bought an eggplant, imma grow my own eggs.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Sunsets and women are undoubtedly God’s best creations.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

An alcoholic morning show host becoming Secretary of War is some Kurt Vonnegut shit.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

You’re an atheist? Well, I don’t believe you. See how you like it.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

I’m that person who will restart a song because I got distracted and wasn’t appreciating it enough.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

Hey, sorry I cant make it tonight. I am beset on all sides by foes.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

Gimme coffee or I’ll sleep amok!

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

I’m in my thirties, but I still feel like I am in my twenties; then I hang out with people in their twenties, and I’m like nope, definitely in my thirties.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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17,765

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15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,711

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

There are too many neglected emojis.

Just shared via YouTube:

Whenever you are feeling down, remember you’re the sperm that won.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

The greatest research skill you can have is being a nosy bitch who wants to find out.

Just landed via Threads:

When I was a kid, we still ate noodles. Then at some point we ate pasta. Today, we only eat carbs.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Carrying a pizza in public feels like you’re showing off.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

My favorite thing to do at the gym is stay home and eat a piece of cake.

Spotted on Messenger:

I’m old enough to remember when the hole in the ozone layer killed us all off.

Seen just now on Slack:

I think it’s sad that getting married is one of the only ways to guarantee somebody will be forced to make a speech about how great you are.

Going viral on Discord:

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.

Trending via Telegram:

Avocado is just green butter.

Spongebob wouldn’t even mess with some of y’all. But he’d hang out with me because my heart is pure, and I like to laugh a lot.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
Spongebob knows who's bikini bottom-approved and who's not! 😂✨🌊 #PureOfHeartAndLaugh

activity, attitude, even, friendship, fun, fun activity, hang, heart, humor, i, kindness, laugh, laughter, lot, loyalty, me, mess, positive, positive attitude, Spongebob

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Social Media Stars ⭐

84 shares on Threads this month:

There should be an opposite of Valentine’s Day where you post Instagram photos of your enemy.

44 shares on Reddit this month:

Mid-life crisis? No, no, mid-day crisis. Something happens every day.

50 shares on X this month:

Sometimes being a woman is just trying to figure out if you’re hormonally sad, seasonally sad, or genuinely falling apart.

37 shares on Twitch this month:

We like to vilify hot people, but it’s important to know that people who aren’t hot are also terrible.

29 shares on Twitch this month:

This place was really tidy yesterday. It’s a shame you missed it.

51 shares on WhatsApp this month:

People will love you. People will hate you. And none of it will have anything to do with you.

20 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Starting the second half of your sandwich is like “hell yeah, baby, let’s run it back!”

76 shares on Facebook this month:

Welcome to your 40’s: oh you like surprises? here’s another chin. Surprise!

40 shares on YouTube this month:

Maybe her DMs haven’t been working for 2 months.

22 shares on Pinterest this month:

Tried Adderall to help my productivity but now I’m just intensely aware of all the things I should be doing.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

“I’ll run it by the boss” is one of the peak boomerisms you can say as a married man. It feels electric.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

Sugar held my hand through every breakup.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

I should go to jail so I can focus on the gym.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Cursing after hitting oneself can reduce the pain by up to 50%.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

They say “Time heals.” No, it doesn’t. I’m still mad.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

I’m at that age where someone can call me the wrong name and I’m just like “whatever, I’ll be Dan for a minute”.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

I just looked over at my new shoes and the box says “vegan”. I’ve never had to feed my other shoes before.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

The number one rule of Thanksgiving dinner is take your own vehicle so you can leave on your own terms.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

Good morning, may your coffee be strong and your boss not weird today.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

Look, 80’s kids went from Inspector Gadget to Terminator so we have a lot of mixed feelings about technology.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Slack:

Unlike the stomach, the brain doesn’t alert you when it’s empty.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Sorry for being weird. It’s just that everything I talk about reminds me of every other thing I wanna talk about, so I try to talk about everything at the same time and explode.

Spotted on Twitch:

Seriously, how sexy was Freud’s mom?

Spotted on Slack:

Spent 20 minutes training ChatGPT to write the perfect anniversary note for my wife, so don’t try to tell me I’m not romantic.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I can’t take people who pronounce “gnocchi” correctly seriously.

Going viral on Snapchat:

My so-called “friends” have asked that I stop referring to them that way.

Just landed via WeChat:

If you have any questions or concerns please don’t. Hesitate to ask.

Making waves on Discord:

I will never be the person this serving size suggestion wants me to be.

Going viral on YouTube:

Butterflies all seem so nice but I’ll bet some of them are real bastards.

Going viral on Messenger:

“Thanks for your payment!” Shut up. I paid that bill against my will.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Spongebob wouldn’t even mess with some of y’all. But he’d hang out with me because my heart is pure, and I like to laugh a lot.

Once I see a vein on your forehead while we arguing, I’ll let you be.

There is literally no rule that says you have to get married and start a family. Normalize splitting a mansion with your five best friends and ten dogs.

I can’t believe that it’s our turn to give money to our nephews and nieces.

Taking a phone to school in primary was like smuggling drugs.

I hate when I go to the kitchen looking for food, and all I find is ingredients.

Dating now is basically choosing which red flag you’re willing to tolerate.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Spongebob wouldn’t even mess with some of y’all. But he’d hang out with me because my heart is pure, and I like to laugh a lot.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Once I see a vein on your forehead while we arguing, I’ll let you be.

There is literally no rule that says you have to get married and start a family. Normalize splitting a mansion with your five best friends and ten dogs.

I can’t believe that it’s our turn to give money to our nephews and nieces.

Taking a phone to school in primary was like smuggling drugs.

I hate when I go to the kitchen looking for food, and all I find is ingredients.

Dating now is basically choosing which red flag you’re willing to tolerate.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨